To think this is my queue to move out now

[Givealittlerespecttome]

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

OK then. Can we stop with the sarcasm now. I’ve explained myself several times now. It’s derailing.

Even if he does miss me and is sad, I fear that if I move back in nothing will change... He may talk the talk but I'm scared we'll be in the same place (physically and metaphorically) a year from now.

Actually fresh as far as relationships are concerned my bar is set very high, probably too high for my generation as I've been constantly single for 20+years and for a lot of my nearly 30 years of adult life before that; thankfully the pool of single younger men are less rigid in their outlook nowadays. Unfortunately, this transition period means a lot of younger men are very unsure about how to go about 'life'.

Also, not many women (and men) can actually stay the course of long-term singleness and eventually do a 'settle for' in some way rather than be alone.

Us women could use the 'patriarchal past' as a stick to beat men with now but not only is that just being mean and revengeful, it's also just rebuilding the same old inequalities into a system where no one wins.

Thought us women were smarter than that.

Thank you 😄

You sound kind loving and someone who is going places. He sounds passive uncommitted and inarticulate🙄. He should know by now after living with you if he is passionately in love with you and wants to share a future. I wonder what it is that makes you say you love him deeply? It feels from what you say that you have so much more going for you and he sounds very boring obsessing about youtube rather than engaging in an exciting real life future. The guitar playing reminds me of the Barbie film🤣
The bedsit by the sea sounds a great move and when you are free to be you and live your life to the max without being dragged down by your boyfriend you will blossom. Sometimes you have to leave things behind to make space for the new which is scary but go for it and have confidence that you can make a new life for yourself.

@Givealittlerespecttome

Sounds to me like you're 99.9% sure it's time to move on. And I agree. You want your future to become your now. At 30+, it's time.

And as far as 'loving him deeply', you can love someone to distraction but that doesn't mean they are right for you. If your life plans don't align, then it's time to call it quits and to move forward with your own plan. And 'don't align' includes someone saying "Yes I want that too but not right now, maybe later".

One thing though, beware the 'now faker'. When you tell him you are moving on because you want to buy a home, marry, have a child (whatever your 'now' is) beware of him agreeing with you for the sake of keeping you. The 'now faker' will help you look for a house, show you engagement rings online, say let's start to TTC but will continually find reasons why each house isn't right, each ring isn't right, and will delay TTC because of a million 'short term' reasons (no house, not enough in the bank, need to lose weight, etc). This is what makes them different from 'future fakers'. Future fakers promise things at some nebulous time in the future. The 'yes faker' promises you tomorrow but takes care that tomorrow never really comes.

No-one suggested the OP was lacking in intelligence. A few people have pointed out that the title was a bit nonsensical with the spelling mistake, that’s all. Is there really any need to be so insulting ?

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Good for you, you're worth more than "I'm not sure" and you know that. The new flat sounds like fate.

Oh stop it. How will people learn if not corrected. There was no judgement or scathing comment. Just a correction. You on the other hand have been both judgemental and scathing. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Oh don't be so ridiculous.

An upset woman starts a thread asking for help, and you think now is the time to give her a spelling lesson?

Also, what makes you think given all the years of schooling most adults have had, that a twat on the internet is going to make a difference where no-one else did in the past?

It's plain snobbery and you know it. No idea why you or anyone else would try to excuse that sort of behavior.

And you think the time to correct someone's spag is when they've reached out, upset, for some advice and a listening ear?

"I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored."

You deserve better. Yes, good time to make your own plan.

The cosy studio flat next to the sea sounds lovely

I agree that a new start sounds like a great idea

Onto a bigger & better life !

Oh OP, it’s nearly new year, it would be so great to start a new year in a new home with a spring in your step. You deserve so much more than apathy. You have your whole life ahead, who knows what’s around the corner. If you stay with him though, you do.

plodding along. You don’t sound like a plodder.

You asked him if he saw himself still living with you in 5-10 years and he didn’t know? Yes of course it’s the end and your cue to leave! You need to have higher expectations for a relationship if you even need to ask this. You deserve better.

And if you're here to tell OP she made an error... get in the queue... 🥁

It's great to get it right, yes.

Brilliant 🤩 start getting excited about your new start.

You're the only one responsible for your happiness so go for it! A studio flat by the sea sounds ideal. It will certainly help you get over the break up if you're excited about where you're living. You've also have your DM's support. Good luck with the viewing, I hope you love it.

I am actually a qualified teacher of languages, I am fully aware of the difference between cue and queue honestly 😂 I just wrote this in a hurry and when I was feeling very emotional

Well whatever your age, you obviously don't know when it matters and if you truly couldn't work out what OP meant, you aren't in any position to complain about standards.

Looking at the garbage some people are spewing, I really can't believe they've got the nerve to pull someone up on a homophone error.

Do it! Sounds amazing. You’ll look back and think it’s the best thing you ever did.

OP, do not worry about it. Even the most highly literate people make mistakes, especially when on a fucking phone. I truly do not know why this is always what brings out the people with nothing else to boast about but I guess it is what it is. If we scoured their posts (or even took a quick glance, in some cases), I'm sure we could find something to correct.