Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

missing the point, but 2 form entry is still a very small school. I think he would have coped just fine.

No we can’t. Plus catholic or not, people fight to get their kids in those schools as they are generally the best.

What does he do instead when his friends go to the service?
At that age that's all he'll care about

I presumed that the problem with the 2 form entry school was that it was too small, not too big!

Now I would actually term this a linguistic variation. I've noted "we was" commonly used in parts of the Midlands, Birmingham especially.

YABU
I am not religious at all but children should grow up knowing the can be if they want to be. Pulling him out is almost like saying it is 'bad'.
Your DS may enjoy it. Why would you try and stifle religious exploration.

You sent your son to a Church of England school and now he's doing Christmas Carols services in a church during the Christian festival of Christmas?

Are you a "buffet Christian"....? Just picking and choosing bits you want and bits you don't like at a party buffet table?

Just let him enjoy the experience of a Christmas carol service! I used to love this time at school, out of the classroom and having new experiences.

Your son is going to grow up very confused, like there is something shameful about carol services!!

Completely unreasonable. If you want to
opt out of religion, don’t choose a religious school.

i went to an rc school so more reglious and m jewish-make of that what you will

i found most of it bollocks anyway

Reception children were not taking communion (unless confirmation is happening at a very young age these days).

Far better to let these events play out and then discuss with your child later.

Yes everybody read and understood your OP. I don't know why you asked if you're convinced you are right and everybody else is wrong. All you are doing is segregating your child who won't get a trip out with everybody else. You are making this into a far bigger deal than it needs to be. You can't say you want him to learn and then not let him actually go and do that. You are also sending the message that this trip is somehow "wrong". So I maintain you are being very unreasonable, especially as he attends a church school 🤷🏻‍♀️

YABVU it's not pick and mix at this school? I want this bit but not that bit. Either commit or use the other schools available.

I went to a school that had a Christian ethos and there were occasional church ceremonies but they were not OTT and we all grew up balanced enough.

My son's school had the same. I remember attending one of their chapel services where pupils who were Jewish, Muslim, Hindu and Sikh were all there, with parents, and joined in, thoroughly enjoying it :-).

You are making too much of this, op. Your child will be fine if they attend and it is good to learn.

Exactly.

I’m from a Jewish family, but attended a CofE primary school, a Methodist youth club and a baptist girls brigade as a kid.

I was exposed to lots of elements of lots of religions and as a result I feel much better informed to decide how much or little I want of religion in my life. I certainly haven’t been indoctrinated in any religion and I feel completely empowered to make my own choices as adult as a result.

I have very fond memories of the beautiful church affiliated with my school and our experiences there. So yes, I would say you’re a bit unreasonable given it singles him out from his peers and you chose a CofE school. If it’s that big a deal you need to change schools.

Agreed.
I did think when I first read OP's post, that it's a church school, so she should go along with it. However, the reason OP chose this school was not for religious reasons, but because it was the most appropriate school locally for her child. The fact 2 out of 3 local schools are religious flags up that actually there wasn't much of a choice, and the only alternative to a church school for OP is one where she felt her child would not cope. Why should her family , or anyone else be put into that situation?
The British state ( ie the tax payer) should not be funding church or indeed any religious schools.

Yes OP I read the whole thread, including your latest update, and I still think YABU.He’s so young, do you really think being included in this with his classmates is going to harm him in some way, or indoctrinate him into a faith? It’s really not.

Yes you picked the best out of the three schools but this was in the full knowledge that it is a C of E school, you can’t have your cake and eat it.
I’m not at all religious, but went to Sunday school and a C of E school, and honestly have some lovely memories of being involved in the Christingle service and the Nativity play.

If I was in your shoes, I’d want my child to ‘fully’ experience the same opportunities as their classmates, he will make his own mind up as he gets older. Let it go.

Totally, obviously unreasonable. Send him to a secular school if you don’t want him to attend church.

Is there even such a thing in the UK? Normal, non-religious schools, still have "acts of collective worship" and they still have Christmas/Easter assemblies to which they make all children go unless withdrawn by a parent, even in late secondary school, which include passages from the Bible being read out and religious songs sung.

He wasn't actually taking communion and it's rotten leaving the poor kid behind on his own or with few others whilst everyone else goes off on a jolly.

You had the option of another community school (don't understand the problem with 2 form entry, all schools round here are 2+ and it's fine). Silly to take exception to a church service now he's actually ina CofE school...

YABVU - a lot of your OP is about your thoughts as parents, what are your child's thoughts on the trip & service?

A boy I was at school with was excluded from all daily assemblies, Christmas celebrations, etc as his family were Jehovah's Witnesses (it wasn't a church school). I felt quite sorry for him but also thought that his parents must have felt quite threatened by 'exposing' him to Christianity. Do you feel threatened in any way? What harm do you think the service may cause?

You're overthinking this. Discuss this openly with your child and take it from there. Allow yourself and / or your child to change opinions at any time.

Charming!! Imagine if someone said that about Judaism, they be accused of anti-semitism!! 🤬

YANBU, OP - I hated all the Christian related things I was forced to do at school and felt jealous of the Jehovah's Witness girl who got to sit them out.

Fairly sure OP is a man, username is @Dad0f1 .

We you asked WWU to withdraw our son. People gave their opinions but then you get in a tizz when you don't like some opinions. Why did you bother posting on here?