Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

As a Christian, I agree with you. Communion should only be taken by those who have made a commitment to follow Christ.

"Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself." (1 Corinthians 11).

That's why it should be for the parents to discern whether or not their children should take it. I don't think it's something that should be done lightly or for purely educational reasons.

But lots of people are saying she signed up to a church school so has to suck it up.

She doesn't - she has the right to withdraw her child from worship and it's fine for her to do that

No, why would I do that? I don't have a problem with them believing what they are told by authority figures e.g. teachers teaching them maths etc. in school, I just have a problem with them believing things that aren't true being told to them by authority figures so that's why I opt them out of religious lessons and activities.

The children aren’t being offered communion though. They are being offered a wafer. No Christian priest is going to give an unbaptised and unconfirmed person actual communion.

I am embarrassed for you

YABU my 4 DC all attended a c of E infant school. They partook in everything. At 5 years of age DC3 declared it was all nonsense 😂. They’re older now and non believers. It’s just stuff they do with school and has no bearing on anything.

Congratulations. You’ve just pretty unequivocally trashed all religion.

@Marstonroadmrs

how much funding do yo think the church provides? NOTHING in relation to school running costs.
8 local schools get a token amount for building extension work. by this I mean a few thousand for hundreds of thousands spent.

Schools are funded by council tax not churches!

YABU.

You have chosen to send your dc to a Church of England school. This will involve various acts of worship over time.

If you don't want your child to participate, you need to send them to another school.

I teach in a C of E secondary and acts of worship are very much part of our day to day. Assembly each week, collective worship in form times etc. Plus church services at Christmas and Easter. We have had an occasional parent who wants to withdraw and whilst we can't stop them, it is made clear that they chose the school and should support us fully.

Religious schools are unreasonable. You are right to kick up a fuss.

Some people don't believe religion should be brought into state education.

You don't have to be confirmed to take communion in the CofE.

And technically no one checks if you're Christened/Baptised either.

It's their right to kick you out too. Our church school told parents that if the weren't happy to try elsewhere.

Yanbu.

Most people with children in cofe schools in uk are not Christian and have no real choice, a high proportion of primary schools are cofe. Churches are increasingly using cofe schools to desperately proselytise to the very young in a bid to get children back to churches.

Op the only thing i would say is? I don't love this either, but pulling kids out makes more fuss of it than just letting them go and tbh it doesn't work - children are far my influenced by the beliefs you teach at home. My ds was pretty indifferent to it then informed me at age 6 that he did not believe in god. I make an effort to explain to him at home that he doesn't have to join in anything he doesn't want to, but he must respect others choices.

I didn’t say you weren’t, I said I don’t see why it’s unreasonable or a big deal.

It’s a legal right to remove your child from religious services- children can’t be expelled because of it.

Kindly- highly unreasonable to send your child to a faith school, yet have them opt out of the faith aspect

Totally unreasonable in my opinion. You're making him different. Learning about other things is good, it's not a cult, he won't be indoctrinated.

Far from providing funding, ours asked for money to support the parish church and its buildings. £40ish per child per year.

This.

I am continually perplexed by those who choose to send their children to church schools because they're good schools, but reject precisely that aspect which makes them different, and good.

If you don't want the church aspect of a church school then send your child to a non-church school.

You have chosen to send your dc to a Church of England school. This will involve various acts of worship over time.
If you don't want your child to participate, you need to send them to another school.

Where i live, the local school is cofe. The local population is not - the church has a regular congregation of less than 20, all elderly, and can't afford a full time vicar.

The second nearest school? Also cofe. The third nearest? Cofe!!

The next one is over 5 miles away, and is oversubscribed, you have to live under a mile away to get in.

This is extremely typical in villages in the uk due to the history of churches founding schools. Larger towns had more schools added by councils in the 20th century with population growth - this tends not to happen in villages as schools are on larger sites with fields and plenty of room to expand.

Its not fair to say parents are choosing church schools. There are more church primary school places than there are practising christian children in the UK.

Seeingadistance

What should parents do when there's no secular school place available?

I need to live where i do due to family, work and affordability.

Im sure the local population would prefer the school to be removed from church control but it can't be because the diocese owns the land and buildings.

@Seeingadistance

yes. I’m fed up of it all.

@JaniceJanice yes I'm not surprised, church attendance is pathetic, few believe or want to spend money, school is a cash cow. JUST DECLINE.

No one can be asked to leave if they don't like the religious aspect of a school, the school is funded by council tax payers.

SCHOOLS ARE ABOUT COMMUNITY NOT RELIGION!!

@Seeingadistance
you want me to drive five miles each way to avoid the school my council tax pays for?
a school that not one school family attends?

please explain that to me?