Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

I, along with my Muslim and Hindu friends at our Catholic school, managed to attend these services for 5 years, enjoy getting involved and respecting the religious standing of the school without becoming catholics ourselves.

It was mandatory at our school and everyone participated. We also visited local mosques and other religious places of worship and were able to join in each ceremony without being 'converted'.

Yabu, if you don't want to allow your ds to join in with religious ceremonies, don't send him to a religious school. He would probably have really enjoyed it, learning first hand about religion. I think it would have been bad if the non confirmed kids were sat twiddling their thumbs. Good on the Reverend for ensuring all children are included.

I agree. I have never known of unconfirmed children to be offered communion in a Cof E service. They are just given a blessing and don’t take communion until after confirmation, which used to be after around age 13 but seems to be being pushed back earlier, which I think is a shame as they should have personal understanding.

YABU!

The OP clearly states it is voluntary.
Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish.

4yr olds are more than capable of saying no and digging in their heels. They learn this at age 2.

The feast of the three wise men/ three kings, aka the Epiphany, is celebrated twelve days after Christmas.

Most people are back at work by that point, deeply regretting most of the festive food and drink, and bracing themselves for the arrival of the credit card bill.

Typical - get lots of YABU, doubles down and then disappears.
And yes you are BVVVU!!!!

I completely understand OP. I felt the same when mine was in reception. We also had the choice between cofe, Catholic and 2 class intake local primary in our village. I'm staunch atheist but chose the cofe on reputation and closeness, we practically lived next door.

I felt very uncomfortable sending DD to a church school despite being atheists but the overall teaching made it worth it. I did learn to unclench when the bibles came home and they had trips to church. DD is now 16 and she wasn't indoctrinated, she enjoyed the carol concerts and nativity plays. The religious teachings helped in RS lessons in high school.

Really don’t see the big deal or why it’s unreasonable 🤷‍♀️

Apologies I didn’t phrase it right, absolutely no offence was made. I am catholic too. Reading my post back was awful phrasing!!

i should have written: it’s a wafer if you don’t believe in the Eucharist and the meaning behind the transubstantiation.

OP should withdraw from a church school if she doesn't want her child to be involved in religious worship.

My personal opinion is that religious worship, of any kind, should not happen in mainstream schools.

Children's access to religion should be in the form of understanding the world's religions and nothing more.

If you want a religious school , many religions offer Saturday schools or go to a religious school which is funded by your preferred religion and stick to their rules.

Yes, you were.
It sounds like you are unable to see that opinion as an option though, so why ask?

It’s also just a wafer if it’s not been blessed by an ordained priest during a communion service. The wafers go into the service as wafers and during the service are imbued by the Holy Spirit into the body of Christ, from that point on they are officially communion wafers. The same for the wine.

OP should withdraw from a church school if she doesn't want her child to be involved in religious worship

She has the right to send her child to a church school and not involved in religious worship so why shouldn't she?

The church school has the option to not take taxpayer's money if they have a problem with it

Why not expose him to something he has never experienced before? There may be a time where he has to attend a service for one reason or another (funeral?) and having this harmless, child-centric experience may be helpful.

YABU

You chose the school for your child fearing challenges in a larger one, but this decision denies him equal education. Our family isn't religious, yet our children attend a CofE school due to catchment restrictions. It's nurturing, holistic, and inclusive, accommodating diverse beliefs and family structures. CofE isn't a cult; children enjoy Bible stories for their universal values like responsibility, aspiration, dignity, love, and respect. 😉

@JaniceJanice You're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine.

You really are that parent aren't you??!!

Clearly you didn't really want to know what people thought. You just wanted us all to jump on and say what a great mum you are keeping your child away from the water and wafers.

Church schools receive funding from the diocese, so should it stop funding to this family? Two sides to every coin @spriots 🤷‍♀️

YABVU! Taking the place of a child in a school who’d have parents willing to embrace all.

So you put your child in a Church of England school without much thought about the religious implications ? You say you want him to learn about Christianity and then decide whether to accept or reject it in later life, and yet you’re unwilling to let him learn. I really don’t understand why you have such an objection to what is a no pressure learning experience, which would have been fun for him. As it stands, if his friends and classmates are attending, he’ll just feel excluded, and it doesn’t make any sense to send him to a religious school and then deny access to learning about that religion.

Some might say you’re a hypocrite.

Almost all of their funding is from the government.

But the point is, it's a deal the church has made - they get a lot of control over their schools and admissions but they do need to accept non Christians and parents still have the right to withdraw their children from worship.

If the school doesn't like it, they can become an independent school and make church attendance mandatory. But if they want to be a state school, this is one of the rules. And it's ok for the OP to exercise her rights if she wants to

@Spriots the school has no issue. The department of education has no issue. The CofE has no issue. Church of England schools were set up as a service to the children of the parish whether or not their parents attended church. Unlike Catholic schools, which were founded to educate the children of Catholic families. Priority goes the practicing families. 🤷‍♀️

Same @JaniceJanice
We were faced with paying private school, sending to a school with 11+ fail 93% or the catholic school with 97% pass rate… (which we need to get to the next school we want)

It was a no brainer.