Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

YANBU, except you are being a bit unreasonable as you are making a choice about religion for your son. You are also excluding him from a class activity undertaken by his peers.

I am an atheist gay parent. I absolutely do not believe in God. I teach in a religious school, my children go to religious schools and the schools tend to use Christian values as a way if building character, promoting values of community and responsibility for your own actions. There is very little real god bothering or dogma; it focusses upon how to be a decent person and to treat others with kindness, understanding and respect. These are all values I agree with.

Firstly I don't think religion has any place in school apart from as a subject. Every school near me is a church school, so there's no opting out!

It's very simple you teach your children it's something some people believe in but religion is just a means of control.

I wouldn't remove him, he will miss out on the fun bits, singing, plays etc.

Which is how many CE schools operate and children are interested in the customs of other religions. I wonder if the OP intends withdrawing her son from other religion's festivities too?

Yabu, you had the option of a different non religious state school yet you chose the religious one

Yikes! Do some of you actually read an OP fully before replying?

First of all we sent him to the CofE school as it was the best of three and ONLY options in our area

Yes, we did.
You chose a church school because it was the "best", so you take all that goes with it. You can't cherry pick the bits you want to, it's ridiculous.

YABU and that's a poor parenting choice. Do better.

Have you pulled him out of the nativity play and carol concerts too?

I don't celebrate Christmas. What a strange response and strange assumptions to my post.

Obviously, I'm not jealous of the JW girl any more. Jehovah's Witnesses are a kind of cult. I was - as a child - jealous that she didn't have to take part in the Christian activities at school.

No Christmas, no Christmas parties or Christmas decorations is what I wanted in my school days and what I, in my private life, have now. Unfortunately public places keep putting on Christmas decorations and sometimes there are some emails about Christmas things at work, but that's easier to ignore since I'm not being forced to participate in it.

Every school in England has to have religious assembly.

the humanist organisation have assistance with removing your child from the religious parts of schooling

imo it’s indoctrination at an early age and unnecessary

I am an atheist.
My DC1 went to a catholic primary school as it was the nearest school and the best in the area.

My DH and I decided he would do all the god stuff and church stuff within school hours - he loved it.

He's now at secondary stuff and I believe he is an atheist as well, maybe an agnostic - I don't know.

YABU

My 6 year-old son was given a wafer on a visit to the school chapel. He’s most definitely not confirmed, not christened either. I think they just let them taste it out of interest rather than making it part of a ceremony. He told me they’d had “crackers”!

People seem to be very confused (or not up to date) with CofE practice.

They absolutely do use wafers. I'm fairly sure I had wafers as a child in the 90s.
The wafer is "the host" so whoever said they aren't having the host is wrong.
You no longer have to be confirmed to receive communion. Children can receive if they/ their parents wish.
To the PP who mentioned first holy communion in year 3... no. That's catholics.

@Dad0f1 IMO you chose that school. And you did have a choice. Tell the teacher you don't want him having communion by all means. But he should be allowed to go.

I didn't stop my child attending the nativity services in Nursery. I didn't stop my child attending church from their school, (which isn't a CofE school) despite being an atheist. I didn't want my child to be the odd one out by removing them and I thought that some learning could be obtained by going.
I was however, annoyed that my child wasn't introduced to other places of worship to gain an overview of all religions.

@SevenButterflies of course I do. Christmas is a cultural festival. It's not remotely the same as participating in a religious ritual!

But he’s being offered a wafer, not communion…just a bit of gross cardboard tasting wafer that is meaningless. And I say this as a catholic who went to a catholic high school where we did receive communion if we wanted.

i honestly wouldn’t get bothered about it, just shrug it off. It’s literally meaningless! He’s not going to suddenly become a devout Christian at 5 because he says Amen a few times!

but as others say, if you’re really unhappy enrol him elsewhere!

I think you are making a big deal out of nothing, but it's absolutely up to you. I went to CofE primary and come from a completely non religious family. I never remember a minute of confusion over the church services or god. I don't think it ever crossed my mind beyond it just being something we did occasionally at school. I didn't believe in god then and don't now.
I'm a bit 👀 at you being so...confused (?) that church services and religious practices are carried out at a CofE school. Can I ask what you were expecting?

It's not meaningless to Catholics, don't be so bloody offensive.

Choosing a CofE school because you've decided it's best and then complaining about the religious element seems a bit silly to me.

YABVU. You chose a religious school for him, he should fully participate in everything, otherwise that place could have gone to a more deserving family.

It wasn't me who said that, but I'll answer regardless.

Close tour eyes for a moment, and imagine you live in Utah. Same school system as the UK, but Utah. Are you still with me?

Anyway, your child has to go to school, and the only realistic choice is the school funded by the state of Utah but run by the Mormons.

99% of the time your child will be following the usual curriculum but 1% of the time your child will be taken to the nearby Mormon place of worship and told (for the sake of argument; this is not mainstream LDS practice any more) that polygamy is the way to live your life. This happens frequently during your child's time in the school.

Fine if you're Mormons, maybe not so great if you're CoE. The people the child is told to respect and look up to are telling her that her destiny is to be a sister wife.

Santa is absolutely not a central figure to Christmas and has no place whatsoever in the Gospel accounts of the Nativity. Same goes for Christmas trees, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, etc.

Some people celebrate St Nicholas on his actual feast day, which is the 6th of December iirc. Many Dutch and Germans, I believe, set out shoes to be filled with small treats, etc, on the eve of the feast day. The small treats are a recollection of the habit of the original bishop of Myra of giving much-needed gifts to those in need.

Santa Claus is in many respects a creation of the Reformation, when veneration or even commemoration of Christian saints was denounced by reformers. The observance of St Nicholas Day died out in many protestant regions, replaced by celebration focusing only on Jesus, with folk traditions of a winter figure and the old commemoration of St Nicholas coalescing to create the figure of Father Christmas or Santa Claus, and placing the gift giving at Christmas.

YABU!!!

I think you just didn't think it through OP.

I'd love to know whether people would be happy with state funded faith libraries, or hospitals which gave priority to people of faith. I assume not-so why schools?

I celebrate it in a secular way, as do many other people. Xmas is about food, family & gifts and Easter is just about eating chocolate to be honest.

DC will be taught why some people celebrate Xmas & Easter, of course they will. It's impossible to completely avoid anyway at this time of year.

I'd be surprised if your child actually received the elements OP, more likely to receive a blessing at this age.
It is a faith school and therfore It would be a learning experience, and something new to experience with peers which will ultimately help them to make their own informed decision when they are old enough to.