Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

It’s a C of E school & we are on the approach to Christmas? What about the Nativity? I wouldn’t want my child to feel left out. OP you need to think ahead because I’m year 3 they will do their First Holy Communion. Both of my children are RC and attend RC schools. Hubby is RC & I’m not. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest had it have bothered me I wouldn’t have sent them to a faith school.

@Lookingatthesunset
Santa is very much a secular figure and not relevant to the religious celebration of the Holy Day of Christmas.

Send him to 1 of the other 2 options then. Its hypocritical to send him to that school and then withdraw him from the worship.

We had the same option but felt it wasn't right to send them to a church school if we didn't want them to participate fully.

Yabu

Why you sent him to a religious school. Yabu and Abit strange. Poor kid. Stopped from going to something with his school friends. You making him stand out. Id move him from that school as it's not right for you.

That's just weird.

"Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life."

How does he do this without exposure to it in the first place though?

I'm a Christian but I'm also very liberal in my faith, very pro feminist and don't believe in many churches indirect exclusion of lgbtqa+ people and aware of the harm organised religion has caused. So Im very careful with what messages ds gets at church. We also go to different churches with family at times which means he gets different messages. It's my job as his parent to help him process this at home. To understand that there are different opinions and that it's important to question things for himself in an age appropriate way and just because an adult in church tells him something doesn't mean that's right.

I do think yabu, I think your ds is young enough that he could have gone and had the experience without understanding a lot of it, talked it through with you at home that while your family don't believe in that religion its important to other people so its good to be respectful. Offering wafers etc is clearly the minister just trying to be welcoming (to me it means nothing unless you have the knowledge and intention behind it) and make the kids feel involved which I don't really see a problem with. I don't think it would have any bearing on his decisions later on other than that he went to a child friendly service and people were nice to him and tried not to bore him too much.

I regularly have to take my class of 5-6 year olds into our church service.unfortunately this one isn’t at all child friendly.
At this age your son will not want to feel segregated from the rest of his class and as it’s child friendly he will probably thoroughly enjoy the new experience.
Its important to not think too deeply into it, as it’s a church school I’m assuming all the other children will be attending so please let him go as he will feel awkward otherwise.

This is exactly why I absolutely refuse to send my children to a church school. I went to a CofE school and absolutely hated it, as much as the religious activities are ‘optional’ I always felt pressured and/or judged for not wanting to participate. In my opinion YANBU to withdraw him, but long term it’s going to be tricky to totally separate him from things like this in a religious school. If it’s that important to you I would consider a different school.

You do realise Christmas is a Christian festival and your child is at a CofE school. Jesus and God are quite a big deal. Are you excluding them from assemblies which will contain prayer and hymns too? If not there’s no reason to exclude them from the trip. Have you really thought about this long term properly?

How would you feel if your only choice of school was one sponsored by the Mormons or the Reverend Moon?

Exactly what I was about to write. If you don't want your children to join in with the very ethos of a school don't send them there.

The CofE school in my town (my kids don't go there but I know a couple of families that do) go to church services at least twice a term, You're potentially going to be withdrawing them A LOT if you stick with this approach.

I totally understand that sometimes a faith-based school is the only option in your area or, at least, the only good option. And I get that can be really frustrating. But you might just have to suck it up a little and make sure you explain to your child that faith is always their own decision.

But then why is it wrong to not want your young child to parrot Amen because they are too young to know what it means and are just doing it because they are going through the motions?

Bless. People on here still think that Christmas is a religious festival...

Oh dear. Really do not choose a C of E school if you feel this way. As your child gets older there will be more religious exposure not less so maybe rethink this now. Its going to be an ongoing battle tor you.

You really do want your cake and eat it, choose one of the other schools.

My Db & I went to a village CofE school despite M&D being agnostic at best. All the schools in our country district were CofE. My Db sent his kids to the same school & he & I are both atheist!

It's like anything an atheist does in these situations, find the ritual absurd, nod along politely then leave as soon as humanly possible.

My neice is at uni & joined the Christian society to make mire friends. She is not religious, but simply glazes over when the God part is mentioned.

This

YABU. Don’t send them to a church school if you are going to withdraw the. From church things

there is no harm in him going, he’s to young to really understand

You chose to send him to a religious school.

It doesn’t make a difference to children if they go to the services. A lot of the time they will be bored and daydreaming anyway.

I was sent to a Convent school. I decided Catholicism (or any organised religion, although I do believe in God and the bible), was not for me very early on, despite having it drilled into me day in, day out from birth. The chapel in my school did jack shit in influencing me.

Tell that to St Nicholas - Santa is a secular figure then?!

Anyway, I was referring to what you said, ie, "while they are young enough to believe everything they are told by authority figures". So, St Nicholas is ok, but other elements related to the church are not??

This - if you feel that strongly OP, you chose the wrong School (I say this as a non religious person).

The irony of you using, "bless"...!!!

The clue is in the name, CHRISTmas. Like it or not.

Absolutely this!

This is how bullying culture gets a start. It's the fear of appearing different.

How about celebrating diversity and not training children to never stick their necks out?