Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

gosh if going to one church service is that dangerous be careful over the next month - all those CHRISTmas trees and Advent calendars!

Go ahead withdraw him. That's what you want to hear so there you go. I really don't get why you are asking for advice when you have already made up your mind.

My advice for it's worth is that you shouldn't be excluding your child, separating him from his peers and making him feel different. Good luck with all these education choices you are planning on giving him over the next 14 years - you are going to need it.

Exactly.

Especially when they are young, impressionable and just want to please their teachers.

The point that many parents have no choice but to send their child to a church school because that is their local school seems to be completely lost on some people. Amazing!!!

I think it’s good for him to learn at a young age church customs especially as you don’t take him to church yourself. Regardless of whether he chooses to be a practicing Christian when he’s older, he will likely go to church every now and again for weddings, funerals, christenings, Scouts services, Christmas services etc etc and it’s good if he comfortable and knows what to expect.

I find it hard to believe that in the UK the only schools in a 15 mile radius were church schools!

it doesn't really matter if its effective or not, it's still a cult attempting to recruit members surely?

Yabu
I'm guessing this is your PFB?

Yup!! I agree . Waste of time replying to the OP. Wanted confirmation they were doing the right thing, but mind already made up🙄🙄🙄

The op turned down other schools though. The two form entry school he would cope with. CofE was her choice.

saying ‘amen’ is a weird thing to do at a Church of England school???

They probably say it twice a day during morning and afternoon prayer if it’s anything like my experience of c of e schools. If you want to avoid things like this then you shouldn’t choose a church school for your children surely!

Yes, YABU (and need to go back to school yourself for a basic lesson in grammar).

You want the advantages of a "naice" CofE school, then this is the price you pay.

I wish that State-funded schools in this county were not religiously affiliated (to any religion), but the fact is that they are, and they are often the "nicer" schools. So suck it up - it'll be an interesting learning experience for him.

BTW, @Dad0f1 do you celebrate Christmas or Easter? If so, you're a hypocrite.

Yup!! I agree . Waste of time replying to the OP. Wanted confirmation they were doing the right thing, but mind already made up

Exactly. Especially when voting is switched off.

I would have done the same as you, OP, but I wouldn’t have sent my child to a church school in the first place as they are bound to instil all kinds of religious stuff into the kids.

This issue crops up SO often on MN. Dont send your child to a church school if you dont want them to participate in church activities.

We are in a rural area, the 11 nearest are all part of the same learning trust so are effectively just one big school with different sites that share resources. But you could view it as a monopoly!

Given that our next nearest school is 3 miles away, 15 miles doesn’t get you very far. We have to drive 8 miles to a shop.

This.
If it were a non CofE school fair enough though.

If only there was a way to, you know, send your kid elsewhere if you had a problem with it?

How rediculous
Now he just feels different from everyone else
If u don't want him attending church things ,send him to a different school
You can't have it both ways ,u want the small class sizes so accept the church parts ,or move him schools
But don't single him out to be different,in a school u chose ,he will feel it

I mean just more generally, why say Amen? Theological question.

I think what you can do is accept this part of the school, see the benefits it brings culturally in most cases (sense of community, sense of tradition, strong moral compass) but also make conscious efforts to ensure that your child gets a varied religious experience in other areas on their own time. Also the school
itself does have to teach about other religions under the national curriculum, the kids should be learning about other religions and going on trips to mosques etc, and very few of the teachers are likely to be committed Christians themselves so it’s genuinely not like indoctrination. The figures on how many kids who go to church schools end up as practising Christians will tell you as much!

Remember the links between those schools and churches will go back 100s of years in many cases.

But if you feel so strongly that you simply can’t accept it even at this level then I think the best thing would be to move to a place with more choice if you can, or lobby your MP to change government policy on church schools.

YABU. I’d have had some sympathy if you’d had no choice of school but you did..

You are clearly quite happy to benefit from the extra money from the church that they’ll be giving the school.

Yes, the church historically has great wealth in terms of buildings and land. That is one of the reasons Henry VIII dissolved the monasteries and fell out with the pope (that and wanting to divorce his Katherine of Aragon and marry Anne Boleyn). The Catholic Church is, I believe, one of the richest institutions in the world. If you travel round the world just look at the amount of gold and silver in Churches and temples everywhere. The amount of ecclesiastical silver in museums in Malta is staggering. Religious institutions collect large amounts of money from their members. My local Catholic church sold a couple of properties and a car park for several million a few years back.

You're being ridiculous. Your poor child.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amen#:~:text=It%20is%20used%20in%20Jewish,%22let%20it%20be%20so%22.