Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

Were we unreasonable? .... turns off voting

The thing is, OP, you are worrying about the wrong thing. We looked briefly at a C of E school near us and what put me off was the emphasis on religion as a driver for understanding morals and standards of behaviour- ie it wasn’t “be kind to others” it was “Good Christians are kind to others” etc and there was a lot of weaving of religious language and philosophy into daily lessons, posters up on the walls, a big cross in the assembly hall etc.
That was the issue for me, not the occasional church service.

Seriously? Sending your child to a religious school then complaining about them being taught religion is the same as moving next to a pub and complaining about noise! There's a non religious option, she should take that, but she won't because this one is a "better" school!

Well said, @SouthLondonMum22

You shouldn’t be sending your DC to a church school if you feel this strongly. Do you realise that one of the school governors is likely to be a vicar, the governors will pray every meeting, and the school’s values are likely to be guided by Christian principles?

Honestly it’s like sending a child to a swimming lesson and then telling the teachers not to let them get wet. Plus it’s a massive PITA for the school and your DC will be missing out on part of the school’s cultural life.

I can't imagine there are many Christian teachers at these schools, surely not enough to go around?

Dear God I did not know this! How on earth have they got such a stranglehold on things? It's awful

You are being massively unreasonable. You chose a faith school, so did I, so as a parent who has done this we have to know "where we are". I am catholic, sent my daughter to catholic school, she will attend services, and when the time comes will decide, like her parents did, what her opinions and stance are. We are lapsed catholics, and attending services and saying Amen, hasn´t turned us into robotic morons without power to decide.

@Heronwatcher the governors pray? are you kidding me?

I was christened and went to a C of E school, participated in all of the school assemblies, went to Church etc. I'm not religious and feel that my knowledge gained during that time helped to inform my decisions as an adult.
It also taught me about different cultures, story telling etc.
Your child should know about options. Surely you're making more of a decision for them by denying their involvement in this trip.

This.
in spades.

yabvu.

This ^^^

How do you know you have not been turned into robotic morons? you might not be aware of it?

Thank you. I do wonder what people think should have happened (if they even know the history, which most clearly don't) - should the state at some point have taken over all these schools and made them secular? Or let them go private and build a massive amount of secular state schools next door to each church school?

Each country has its own history, there's no point saying "X country has this" without understanding how that came about.

YABU, don’t send your child to a church school if you don’t want them to attend church services.

You complain that the school aren’t giving your child a choice but neither are you by withdrawing him from the service.

Saying ‘amen’ at the appropriate time is hardly him committing to a life of Christianity! I’m sure he would still have been able to decide later on in life if religion is something he actively wants in his life regardless of whether he attended this service or not!

Being able to make a choice often relies on having experienced something. You removed your child's ability to learn in an unpressured and child friendly environment. YABU imo.

Both my children attended similar events, neither choose to have any more involvement in the future but at least it was their informed decision. In fact it was rather heart-warming for me to witness my DS bump into my local vicar once, see them have a friendly chat and move on. I asked later how that came about and my DS mentioned he visited the school from time to time and was well known to all the children. I haven't got a religious bone in my body but i want both my children to be able to make decisions for themselves, not what i have decided what's best for them. This also helps them at least understand some others beliefs and become a bit more accepting imo

If it was that easy to brainwash kids at CofE schools, the churches would be packed to the rafters surely.

but why should they have to say amen at the appropriate time? it's a really weird thing to be asked to do

What do you do if all of the schools are CofE though? The only one that isn’t where I live is Catholic. We only have a choice of CofE or Catholic for primary within a 15 mile radius.

I’m fine with it, but if I really wasn’t what can you do?

Yes, this.

My friend was Greek Orthodox...If I stayed over on a Saturday night, I had to attend church services with her.
Wondrous drifts of Incense, lovely Icons {Friend 's parents house had lots of icons on the walls of their lovely old house}

Another was Russian Orthodox- both hard on the legs for older people, thank goodness we were children back then- standing seems to be the norm in Orthodox services.

Even the elderly people stood up.

Lots of beeswax candles , too and chanting.
Theatrical..I loved it.

Made local C of E Church seem very tame.

Don't make him feel different - let him go with his mates. The boy who was pulled out of religious services at my school was seen as the weirdo.

If there's a C of E high school in the area maybe the OP's sneakily thinking ahead although many do expect a modicum of religious observance in their pupils' lives. Does she expect the school to change its basic beliefs to suit her hypocritical atheism?

I wouldn't have chosen a church school like you have, if I felt the same as you. It'd be different if that was your only local option.

Gosh, some v odd views on here.
YANBU at all! I went to a C of E primary despite coming from an atheist family because there were no other primary schools where I lived. If you don’t want your very young and impressionable child being indoctrinated then good for you in pulling them out of this service.
I very much doubt he’s missed out on anything - even as a 5 year old I remember being bored senseless and feeling very resentful of the fact I had to listen to vicars boring on about things I didn’t believe in.