Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

But that is often not possible as GB still has the iniquity of state funded church schools and often there is NO CHOICE.

I used to be a mental health nurse ,and whilst it must have been very frightening for you when you were psychotic ,it's a very extreme example most people will never experience pschosis.

We were High Anglican - incense, Latin service and wafers! Very Catholic leaning even with a gay vicar

I have read both of your posts and still believe your being very unreasonable.

CofE has Holy Communion on High Holy days, such as Easter Sunday, but as a representation of the Body and Blood of Jesus, not as the actual Body and Blood.

Completely unreasonable. You need a community school not a faith school.

Not unreasonable. My children are withdrawn from religious activities at school (my son is in nursery and recently they had a visit to a church and I agreed with the teachers that he could go on the trip to look at the architecture as that was the main point of the trip but not join in the religious element), I don't want them exposed to religion while they are young enough to believe everything they are told by authority figures.

I think it’s fine. My kids go to a Catholic school and are absolutely not allowed to take part in any church service or act of worship. They both quite enjoy the times the rest of their classes are in the church as they usually get something fun to do.

If the school is small and your child is the only one removed from it then it could be a real ball ache to staff and your son alike. If you continue to do this, in time the other children will start to question your son and that can be tricky to deal with.

You have my sympathies with regards to choice of school - around here (rural) there are literally no non-CofE options so we had to accept it, even though we would rather have had DS at a non-Church affiliated school. The monopoly is real in rural areas! I also get that it feels inherently 'wrong' that schools push the agenda so hard if you are not in favour of it but it is what it is and you did choose it. You have 7 years of this to get through - I just don't think it's worth picking that battle, OP.

I disagree that the services are made to be 'fun' etc - the kids have looked bored stiff at every service I've attended and a lot of it is nothing short of bonkers (we have a 'blessing the school bags ceremony' 🙄etc) - I doubt very much that many kids are fully indoctrinated into the Church via school, to be honest.

Yabvu . It's not fair to send him to this school

He's not having religion forced on him, he's attending a carol service at C of E school!

C of E schools will have an experience that is Christian, and as there are no secular schools in the UK, most worship and assemblies are broadly Christian on nature, unless you're at an Islamic or Jewish school.

True, and I think mine is an extreme example but it does show that these ideas do seep in and inform one's thinking, for better or worse

Completely unreasonable. You need a community school not a faith school. - and if there isn't one near enough? - then what should parents do?

Is this a joke? 🤔

Both DH and I are atheists. Sent children to the local CofE school. Didn’t withdraw them from any events in church — nor did the large numbers of Muslim parents at the school withdraw their children. Events like this are about community, fun, a bit of values and, frankly, building some cultural capital — a short cut to understanding, for eg, the Reformation, the Catholic Reformation, and vast quantities of Western art.

It takes a lot of work to indoctrinate someone, even a child. But not much to make them feel left out.

Yabvu . It's not fair to send him to this school - and if there is no other choice locally?

@x2boys I do think the service descirbed could be a bit frightening/confusing to kids. At any rate I don't think it helps their critical faculties being asked to say "Amen' in a rote way. it's all a bit North Korea.

You're unreasonable, you've sent him to a church school there will be church based activity all the time. He's now going to watch his classmates go off on a little excursion and be left behind. How do you think that will make him feel?
Do you think everyone who ever went to a church service as a child has been brainwashed into Christianity?!

Because the Christians built them, funded them and taught in them. The church still owns and maintains the buildings and the LA funds the teaching. I understand that there can be some financial grants involved , but it seems to be a better arrangement than the LA buying the buildings. Also, constitutionally, England is a Christian country, not a secular country.

Secondly we are NOT withdrawing him from EVERYTHING religous just certain services that offer him a form of communion that he has no concept or understanding of what is being offered to him yet.

You aren't even giving him the opportunity to learn if he isn't allowed to go.

I grew up in an era when school assembly was a Christian worship with hymns and prayers. I am not religious. He won't be brainwashed at that age. However, you are entitled to with draw him if you wish, but I really do think you should be a little more open minded.

Yabcu. No doubt your poor Son is wondering what he has done wrong, his whole class is off together and he is left behind. Poor wee soul must feel terrible. Being taken to the school church services doesn't make you a Christian for life.

Maybe if he doesn't go he'll know that you don't just have to go along with the crowd and that will be a good lesson for them

Of course it's forced. Encouraging young children to pray, especially from trusted adults they will want to please.

Teaching about religion is absolutely fine such as ''Some people believe...'' but praying, teaching any religion as fact etc I would withdraw my DC from.

Love this kind of thread:

OP: AIBU?

Strong majority of responses: Yep, pretty much.

OP: NO I WASN'T!

Why bother asking?

Thanks @SevenButterflies that's interesting. I should obviously know this but where are the Church getting their money from. Presumably they own land or buildings that they rent out?