Should we split the financial burden of me moving in?

[Greenpotato87]

I'm preparing to move in with my boyfriend. He is generous and we have great communication, just seeking some outside opinions before I broach this.

He rents a 3 bed house and I own (with mortgage) a 1 bed flat. He has earned well in the past but is taking a break from work and living off savings. I earn a good salary too, probably more than him when he gets back to work.

Part of me would love him to move in with me, it makes better financial sense as I own but he doesn't want to as he feels it is too small. Honestly, I agree but if he was willing, I'd have liked to try. I respect his need for personal space at home.

When I move, I will have to list my flat for sale (definitely don't want to rent it) c.£1700, and will have to pay a mortgage early exit fee c.£2300 plus other inevitable moving costs. In future I will invest the equity in a property with him but plan to clarify my contribution should anything go wrong.

Between moving out and completing the sale on my flat, I will have to continue my mortgage (c.1300pcm) and have offered him £600pcm towards living expenses in the meantime which is less than half of his costs. Once sold, my equity will have to sit in the bank until he is back at work and we can buy somewhere, so potential for it to effectively lose value due to inflation.

There are things I / we will need to pay for when I move in e.g. extra storage, office equipment for me, putting me on car insurance and an outside enclosure for my cats. Maybe c.£2000.

We will both benefit from living together which is the main thing but all this would be a significant financial burden for me and he stands to gain £600pcm.

Deep down I'd like him to contribute to the cost of me selling and moving (partly because he has vetoed moving in with me) but is this reasonable if I'm not proposing to share my equity as such?! And I'd like us to share the costs of things needed when I move in, even though they're mostly things for me (I wouldn't need them if he was moving to my place). Should I give him £600pcm while still paying my mortgage which I can afford but means I won't be able to save? Or does the fact that I won't be contributing half of his costs for a few months mean I should "suck it up" on some of these other expenses?!

I'm sure he will be willing to discuss contributing if I ask but I feel tentative, especially as he is living off savings.

Please help, this is my first time living with someone. Have been financially independent for 12 years.

Selling your flat and incurring an early exit fee?? To move in with a man with no job?

Why does he have a 3 bed? How long is he having off work?

Of course you should share the costs of living together. But really, DONT DO IT.

And don't even consider subsidising his lifestyle choice.

I would not sell the flat if I were you, it's your insurance for if things go wrong.

Pretty much every single person on here, all complete strangers, can see it's foolishness to sell your flat.

The question is, how come your other half hasn't pointed out it would be foolishness to sell your flat?

If he turns out to be a cocklodger, it's going to be so much harder for you to leave him when you've chucked so much money at moving in and given up your financial security.

Echoing everyone else that selling is crazy. Even if this relationship works out, you will both be worse off as your equity will not be correlated to the housing market.

Amd his not working thing is defonity odd but it does sound.like theoretic he will pay. But it is concerning.

To answer your original question, I juatvwouldnt contribute to rent until your house is sold. So hald of food and consumables but nothing else while you are meeting mortgage and bills ar your old place. But its still a ridiculous plan.

Madness. Don't do it. Stay where you are until he is working again and willing to share the costs of a move. Plus only sell to buy again. Renting threatens your financial security.

OMG don’t sell your flat to go and live with an out of work man in a rented house, that’s absolute madness. Do not get off the property ladder, you will live to regret it. Why is he not working and using his savings as a deposit to buy, instead of depleting them to do nothing?

You aren’t married so your finances aren’t pooled, I don’t think you could expect him to contribute to your moving costs unless you were skint.

You seem to be dancing round him a lot? He won’t live in your flat so you have to sell?

Whether you want to rent the flat out or not it’s the sensible thing to do, to maintain value and also in case this doesn’t work out.

Everything everyone else has said about not selling the flat.

And slightly missing the point, not all tenancies allow pets. Even if his current landlord is ok with cats there is no guarantee that a different one would be. Which is just another way you'd be compromising your life and future options.

I'd even consider keeping the flat empty as preferably to selling it. You'd need to check mortgage and insurance terms if you planned to do this.

Giving up a mortgaged home to move in with someone who is living off the savings they have and has less earning potential than you to get them back with a long term plan of buying another home is up there with one of the worst ideas I’ve heard this week. Please please please think this through.

There is no way in hell I’d sell my flat or move in with someone who’s not working. No way.

Your plan is insane. Please don’t do this to yourself.

Agree with everyone else
The very least you should do is write it all down on a spread sheet and say this is how much it will cost, where is that going to come from?

I also think that agreeing to move in and to sell your flat when you haven’t discussed finances, and you feel “tentative” bringing it up, belies your opening statement that you have great communication! Be wary op!

Absolutely do not sell your flat, that would be madness. A 1 bed flat is perfectly large enough for two people, don’t sell up and pay off someone else’s mortgage for them. There doesn’t sound like there’s much int his arrangement for you tbh.
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@Greenpotato87

OP I'm not sure that, in your position, I'd take on the amount of expenses you'd incur in selling your existing property to go and live in a rented accommodation with someone (I'm assuming) you've not lived with before. Plus the shared expenses of buying another property.

Also you'd be taking yourself out of the property market and leaving yourself vulnerable if things changed for the worse in your relationship and may find it difficult getting back on, including the additional associated costs.

I'd really reconsider letting your flat, through experienced letting agents with a good reputation, and leaving yourself some leeway in case things don't work out with your boyfriend (of how many years?) the way you wish them to. 🌹

Just no! You do not give up your home, including paying fees to do so, to be allowed to hop into the boyfriend's bed and store a.toothbrush. If you're both serious, then buy a 3-bed together with unequal property shares if the deposit from selling your flat is more than his financial share. You can port and convert your mortgage. And if you're not serious enough to buy together, then let's get back to WTF you are giving up your home for this man.

Good God, please please do not sell your flat. I also owned my own place before I met DH and never in a million years would I sell it unless to buy again immediately.

If he's serious about moving in then he either moves in with you and you both start saving money immediately, or he gets off his backside and gets a job, starts saving and you buy somewhere together and move into that when the times comes.

We were forced landlords if you get a company to manage it and vet all your tenants yourself it can work out. We sold after the 2007 crash and regained and surpassed the drop by in value. It worked out well for us. I agree it’s not a vocation I would want but one property is manageable in the short term.

Is it a coincidence that your moving in and his break from work is at the same time?
Don't sell your flat. Wither rent it out or continue livign in it alone or with your bf.

But to answer your actual question. I don't think you can ask him to split the cost of selling your flat. But I do think he should cover the rent fully until it is done or that you live in your flat until it is sold to minimise the cost.

How on earth is this going to work when he’s already told you he doesn’t want you moving in because his place is too small?
Why the rush? And ffs don’t sell your flat!

This is a terrible idea. Don't give up your flat to pay rent.

If a friend told me she was doing this I'd tell her it's a stupid idea.

Why would you sell? There is absolutely no need. You don't need to move in with him.

Too many red flags.

Good grief I read some shocking things on mumsnet but this is unbelievable.
Financially secure, home owning working woman seeks advise on selling up to pay share of non working boyfriends rent who she can't openly discuss finances with.

He shouldn't be encouraging you to sell your flat, it's a really bad decision. Where will you go if relationship breaks down ? Also the fact he isn't working, what's the incentive for him to return to work knowing you have money from sale of your flat.
This is way too high risk, please cover your own back.

I’m so glad you’ve had so many posters warn you of this. Every single aspect of the plan is a bad idea and his attitude is very suspect. What is this taking a break from work malarkey?

JAY-SUS. Where to start??

Absolutely NO CHANCE would I be selling my own home to move in (for the first time ever), with a boyfriend in a rented apartment where he doesn't even have a job.

You could literally wander out onto the street and find some rando who would probably be a better candidate to move in with than this bloke.