Should we split the financial burden of me moving in?

[Greenpotato87]

I'm preparing to move in with my boyfriend. He is generous and we have great communication, just seeking some outside opinions before I broach this.

He rents a 3 bed house and I own (with mortgage) a 1 bed flat. He has earned well in the past but is taking a break from work and living off savings. I earn a good salary too, probably more than him when he gets back to work.

Part of me would love him to move in with me, it makes better financial sense as I own but he doesn't want to as he feels it is too small. Honestly, I agree but if he was willing, I'd have liked to try. I respect his need for personal space at home.

When I move, I will have to list my flat for sale (definitely don't want to rent it) c.£1700, and will have to pay a mortgage early exit fee c.£2300 plus other inevitable moving costs. In future I will invest the equity in a property with him but plan to clarify my contribution should anything go wrong.

Between moving out and completing the sale on my flat, I will have to continue my mortgage (c.1300pcm) and have offered him £600pcm towards living expenses in the meantime which is less than half of his costs. Once sold, my equity will have to sit in the bank until he is back at work and we can buy somewhere, so potential for it to effectively lose value due to inflation.

There are things I / we will need to pay for when I move in e.g. extra storage, office equipment for me, putting me on car insurance and an outside enclosure for my cats. Maybe c.£2000.

We will both benefit from living together which is the main thing but all this would be a significant financial burden for me and he stands to gain £600pcm.

Deep down I'd like him to contribute to the cost of me selling and moving (partly because he has vetoed moving in with me) but is this reasonable if I'm not proposing to share my equity as such?! And I'd like us to share the costs of things needed when I move in, even though they're mostly things for me (I wouldn't need them if he was moving to my place). Should I give him £600pcm while still paying my mortgage which I can afford but means I won't be able to save? Or does the fact that I won't be contributing half of his costs for a few months mean I should "suck it up" on some of these other expenses?!

I'm sure he will be willing to discuss contributing if I ask but I feel tentative, especially as he is living off savings.

Please help, this is my first time living with someone. Have been financially independent for 12 years.

I think you need to reconsider renting out your flat whilst you move in. Why are you so against this?

if you really must sell and move in then the fairest way is to not pay towards living costs/rent until you have sold and have no mortgage payments etc.

It really does not make good financial sense to sell your flat and move into someone else’s rented property who does not even work though.

No no no. Do not sell. You're making yourself vulnerable. The easiest solution is for him to move in OR you will need to rent out your property whilst you trial living together.

My partner and I are in a similar position except we both own a flat. Mine is bigger so he's moved in with me and we plan to sell his and then get mine on the market shortly after in order for us to buy a bigger place together. He pays his mortgage. I pay mine. We split the bills at my place. We see our money as joint eventually so whilst whichever way we do this, we will lose money, this seemed the best solution.

Yeah, I wouldn't be selling up.

100 quid says there's lies to come out yet.

Keep hold of your flat until he’s back in work and you can think about buying together (protecting your contribution) rather than you taking all the risk. I understand he thinks your place is too small to live in together but it also should be manageable in the short term.
If you sell your place and living together doesn’t work out it could be difficult for you to buy again.

This post CANNOT be real, no one would do this surely? Give up a hard win asset to live with an unemployed man?

Selling your flat in order to rent again would always be a very unwise choice, but in the current climate it would be utter madness... Don't do it OP.

And yes I'm sure he's looking forward to you paying half the rent while he 'takes a break from work'.... seriously!!

I agree with previous poster that someone not on the property ladder taking a break from working is madness! I would be very wary of making myself financially dependent on him. Definitely don't sell your flat.

Depending how much equity you have in your flat, you could change to a buy to let mortgage, let it for a short term whilst waiting for it to sell.

Why would you PAY to give up an owned property to move in with someone not working and living off savings???? Absolutely not. Just live separately. You'd be mad to go through with this plan.

So many questions but first is how old are you and then why do you think selling your flat is a good idea? Coming off the property market?

My boyfriend was taking a break from working when i met him (to be fair he'd been travelling) - he hasn't really worked properly since then (20 years ago) - its like he thinks the world owes him something or he deserves a break - I would be wary of this attitude. Does he have plans to work again? when? a job? when will his savings run out?
Also It is hard living with someone who isn't working when you are - your lifestyles don't line up - you want quiet time when he's all chatty, relax when he's hyper, holidays don't matter to him etc
I am not sure why you are so against renting out your flat - at least it gives you options and i think it is stupid to break your mortgage when you have a break cost. Why not wait until there is no break and your bf is off his break.

Do. Not. Sell. Your. Flat.

Whichever way you slice this, you’re the loser, he’s the winner.

I would certainly not do ANYTHING including moving in while he’s on this break from work.

Just say you’d love to, but it just doesn’t make sense. You would be taking a big step backwards in financial security and that’s particularly risky at the moment.

To me it screams that it’s too soon to move in together.

It will be the right time when you are both able to buy a property together that suits you as a pair.
At that point the costs your talking about will be shared anyway.

So he doesn’t want to move in because it’s not big enough but for you to move in you will incur 1000s of ££s if charges to do so? This sounds like a very one sided relationship and will continue to be so.

ultimately he’s not moving in because it doesn’t suit him, and you shouldn’t move in because it doesn’t suit you.
However as you’re so keen for this relationship to work you’re willing to do it. Feel like you’re being a bit blinded by love here on making a good decision.

Please put yourself first!

STOP, please please don't do this. You have absolutely no protection against financial losses and losing your hard won equity to prop him up. 'Taking a career break' my arse, to do what lounge about and not work? He's not traveling, retraining or looking after a poorly relative is he? If none of the above then wtaf. What happens if you move in and he half heartedly job searches whilst you pick up the domestic and financial load? He's already shown you he doesn't see you as a partnership by his actions over the moving costs. You would be mad to sell your flat. Please listen to all the posters advising how dreadful a decision this would be.

Like others I think it’s mad you’re selling. Rent it out and keep paying your mortgage off. And I’d be concerned about why he’s not working at all, and why he’s wasting money on a 3 bed house for just himself

Don't move in with him fgs, you have your own house and security from it.

3 pages of people all saying the same thing. This is a very poor plan for you .

Op, I understand why you might not want to be a landlord, but if you're set on moving in with him, keep your flat.

The most likely outcome with your current plan is that you'll burn through your equity and have nothing to show for it in 5 years.

If he's serious about making a life with you, the most reasonable plan is for him to get a job, save some money and then spend a year in your flat before you buy together.

Don't do it.

When is he planning to go back to work? What does he do?

I bet he's got big plans for your money op.

Jeez OP, get yourself down to Specsavers because you're the only one that can't see the massive red flags flying.

Why does a single man need to rent a three bedroom house?

Why choose to stop working and live off savings?

He sounds like he's terrible with money.

Personally I wouldn't move in until you are both in a position to buy a property together.

If you do want to move in with him before, have you checked that the landlord accepts pets and is open to renovations to include an enclosure. A lot of landlords won't, if his will please get it in writing before you move in.

What? Yeah, no. Surely, rent out your flat, under no circumstances sell it until/unless he is in stable employment, you are married, you purchase a house together. Until then it would be a truly crazy move to sell it. You may well need this as your backstop.