Friend demanded my honest opinion re her child's diet.

[Eastie77Returns]

My friend's child is just under a year old. She mentioned to me that he eats several pre-prepared pouches (Ella's Kitchen, pureed fruits) a day. On an average day she might give him 3-4. She asked me if I thought that was excessive as her MIL has been highly critical and also said she should cook everything from scratch for a child of that age.

Inwardly I partially agreed with her MIL. I don't think everything needs to be cooked from scratch (who has the time?!) but 4 pouches seems a lot. However I remember the stress of bringing up young DC and didn't want to pile on so I just replied that as long as her DC is happy, fed and gets a variety of food it is fine. Friend replied "you didn't really answer the question...do you think that's too many pouches" and insisted I give her an honest answer. In the end I said yes, it seems quite high if it's that amount every day. She was then clearly upset and things have been really strained between us since.

I mean, I don't get it. In the grand scheme of things it's really not that important - the pouches are not poison - but if you want honest feedback on what you are feeding your child then surely just accept the opinon when it's given? If you don't like what you hear then ok, just move on.

The ones for older babies do involve the need to chew more, it really depends on which ones she is giving him. Ella's Kitchen also do tray meals for 1-3 year olds depending on how confident your friend would be giving him them if he isn't quite 1 yet but mine manages them fine, he will be 1 very soon though.

Solid advice.

See also: haircuts, the colour they painted their living room, and how cute their gerbil/rat/tarantula is.

Oh god, I can't be doing with people who ask for your opinion - twice - then get upset when you give it, as long as you're not outrageously rude which you really weren't.

People you have to walk on eggshells around are such a pain.

YANBU. She sounds very childish and very high maintenance. Don't ask someone a question if you don't want an honest answer! She very likely knows deep down that her MIL - and you - are right, (or she believes it herself!) and it's hit a raw nerve. Message her and tell her you will ready to see her again when she has stopped throwing her toys out of her pram.

Even if you choose to use them there are plenty of savoury ones.

And jars with food with lumps in if baby has teeth.

Weetabix/bananas/toast/porridge is just as easy for breakfast.

The issue with all those pouches for me would be the lack of diversity and texture. You soon run out of options, there aren't that many and I doubt kids like all of them so they would be eating the same week after week. And the texture is always mushy, even for paste type meals.
Flavours aren't great either but I could leave with that i guess.

Regarding the MIL comment I think it depends a lot on the circumstances (which aren't very clear from OP). If she has her kid every day then I guess she isn't working/still on mat' leave? If that's the case then I don't think she can clame to be too busy to cook at least 1 meal a day for her child. If she is working, then wouldn't the child get a home cooked meal at nursery/childminder?

If she's giving him pouches for every meal then obviously yes that is quite high. You gave your opinion, which would be the same as most people's opinion, and probably the same as hers. She knows it's a lot or she wouldn't be asking in the first place.

But I suppose she's probably feeling a bit insecure/ inadequate about this, and wanted some validation and back up from you. Maybe you could support her by empathising that it's difficult when you're pushed for time, etc. and as you say, it's not exactly going to poison him.

I think she was pushing for a friendly/ supportive comment that would make her feel better, rather than a cold hard truth. She's feeling a bit inadequate and wants you to boost her up as her friend.

At the end of the day though I don't think you did anything wrong. She knows it's a lot of pouches.

All I was saying is that there are pouches for older babies and there are large chunks of pasta, vegetables, meat, etc., that my child definitely had to chew. They looked the same as I would make. I wouldn’t give my child 4 pouches a day, but I think maybe there is too much focus on the ‘pouch’ rather than eating raw veg etc. Those pouches do contain all the things you mention in large chunks.

I probably would have said oh I'm not sure but I suppose the only concern is the sugar, and look up amount per pouch and recommended per day so you're like working through it with her rather than being judgemental.

It's not the worst thing in the world. I couldn't get my DD to eat solids or even put finger foods in her mouth until well after 1yr. Sometimes it's not as much as a choice as you would like. As long as she's trying to give the more lumpy ones, then she is doing ok.

Surely should be using early any pouches now. At 12months plus it's those little tray meals in baby isle

I remember someone asking a friend what she thought of her new makeup. Friend said new one was wrong colour because it gave her a reddish look, compared to the previous one which was more natural…

She started crying 🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️. I prefer people just stop asking and carry on with what they’re doing.

She really needs to introduce foods of a firmer/ lumpier consistency.

The later she leaves it, the harder it will be, and this won't just impact on the baby's diet and health, but can have knock on effects on speech and swallowing abilities*. She doesn't need to introduce a lot of foods at once, but your suggestions re eg avocado, are good ones - she should beginning her baby pretty much adult food in small pieces (and with no salt/ sugar) by now - s/he should be exploring a wide range of tastes and textures.

Some children, if they don't get the opportunity to try and become accustomed to soft lumps (and then later firmer ones) in their food, find it very difficult indeed to move on to adult food - even semi-firm food makes them gag - and anything that isn't highly sugared can be unpalatable to them (which causes further feeding problems). This needs to be a gradual thing, obviously. Has she tried (say) mashed potato? This is firmer than the puree, but not "solid" in the way that cooked peas/ carrots etc are.

There is a Joe Wicks weaning book which I have been told is pretty good. DS and IL used it when weaning their baby, and he is the same age as your friends DC, and will eat pretty much anything put in front of him.

*Retired SaLT here - I worked with adults, but I know that motor skills re: chewing/ swallowing/ speech are linked

ROLAND IS A BEAUTIFUL RAT!

And who doesn't like a lime green living room?

She says she's busy and doesn't have time to cook, but if she did blw it would just be what she was having. Cheaper AND easier, surely?

She pushed you for an answer, it's unreasonable of her to be off with you because she didn't like the answer.

I think pouches can have a place in a varied diet, I'd take them out so I knew there would be something for DC to eat. Having a diet of only pouches is pretty bad though.

MIL could of phrased things better and suggested alternatives. There are plenty of foods good for babies that take a maximum of 10 minutes to prepare.

Sorry to be a mumsnetty baby led weaning wazzock but by 10 months my child ate the same as DH and I at every meal. I think I’d be a bit concerned that the child isn’t getting the opportunity to progress forward with weaning and developing their eating skills.

If they’re eating like that at 1 god help them in 6-12 months when they are fussy anyway, they’ll be on nothing but fruit juice.

I used lots of pouches. They aren’t all sweet; maybe she is giving the meals rather than just fruity stuff? My baby had hardly any teeth at 1 so trying to get him to eat ‘normal’ foods was very difficult and he just ended up hungry. In the end I knew I’d rather he had a salmon & veg dinner puréed rather than half a mouthful of a meal he really couldn’t eat yet. I think I’d have told your friend to ignore her MIL and go with her gut instinct as it’s her child xo

You have no idea if the mum is lazy do you?

Is your friend the same woman who made a thread on MN because she asked her mum how she slept and her mum actually dared to ANSWER!!! If your friend didn’t want the answer, she shouldn’t have asked the question!

@mathanxiety she is worried about her DS choking or suffering a severe allergic reaction to something and then she isn’t sure what it is because she’s given him lots of different solids and can’t isolate the cause. Plus he is apparently very fussy. So she wants to wait (for what I don’t know) as her family has a history of allergies and slowly over time introduce more solids. In the meantime she considers the pouches a good ‘replacement’ as it were.

I don’t think the allergy scenario is very likely if she is introducing basics such as Avocado, chopped chicken etc one at a time but at this stage I’m not commenting further.

@SouthLondonMum22 I completely get it. I had 2 DC in the space of 3 years and I recall the madness of trying to cook from scratch, feeding after pick up from nursery and all the rest. It was exhausting. Believe me my DC were not strangers to Ella’s Kitchen. The only ‘advice’ I have given was that she can occasionally just give DS what she is cooking for herself and her DH so he doesn’t have the pouches every single day.

I really wasn’t blunt. I reassured her it was all fine. When pushed I just said ok well I think that number of pouches is a lot.

If I was blunt I would have simply said “You are giving him an excessive amount of processed puréed food when you could just as easily provide him with a balanced set of meals based on what you already cook for yourself. Stop being so sensitive. Your MIL is right”

I have friends who would have no qualms delivering that kind of message.

Maybe if mil thinks the baby should have more home cooking she should make stuff and portion it for her dil to freeze?

It's the 'does my bum look big in this' question. The answer is always "Your bum is divine and no other bum compares to yours". Your friend wanted reassurance. She is exhausted and scared and needing a friend. Be a friend.

Though in this case, telling your friend her bum is divine might not quite be the exact answer she was hoping for, although it wouldn't hurt! 😁Who doesn't like to be told that?!