Friend demanded my honest opinion re her child's diet.

[Eastie77Returns]

My friend's child is just under a year old. She mentioned to me that he eats several pre-prepared pouches (Ella's Kitchen, pureed fruits) a day. On an average day she might give him 3-4. She asked me if I thought that was excessive as her MIL has been highly critical and also said she should cook everything from scratch for a child of that age.

Inwardly I partially agreed with her MIL. I don't think everything needs to be cooked from scratch (who has the time?!) but 4 pouches seems a lot. However I remember the stress of bringing up young DC and didn't want to pile on so I just replied that as long as her DC is happy, fed and gets a variety of food it is fine. Friend replied "you didn't really answer the question...do you think that's too many pouches" and insisted I give her an honest answer. In the end I said yes, it seems quite high if it's that amount every day. She was then clearly upset and things have been really strained between us since.

I mean, I don't get it. In the grand scheme of things it's really not that important - the pouches are not poison - but if you want honest feedback on what you are feeding your child then surely just accept the opinon when it's given? If you don't like what you hear then ok, just move on.

Rookie error. You were meant to say "your bub your rules hun" and then something about her mil being a right cow.

She wasn't interested in your actual opinion, but it's very irritating spending much time with people like that.

YANBU

At that age, my DS was having the same meals as we were but with perhaps more veg, Just tweeked here and there

I don’t really understand your logic? She’s feeding her child 3-4 fruit pouches a day. Yes, that’s too much, they need solid fruit, and not 4 times a day.

But your comment is also therefore wrong. If you are suggesting she cooks fruit and purées it herself, then it’s the same problem surely. The problem isn’t the pouches, it’s the excessive puréed fruit.

I think the problem is that this is all the child eats

I hate it when people push for answers, get one they know is true but dislike and then sulk. Honestly it sounds like you were considerate and didn't wish to be so honest to save her feelings, I'd leave her to it.

I think most people (NT or ND) are like this! It is very wearing.

YANBU. And normally I try not to comment to others about parenting but I would have been hard-pressed not to say something in this case.

It is exhausting parenting a young child and cleaning up all the food mess that they make, and there is a time and place for food pouches. But when you're at home, it's really not that difficult to give some weetabix, microwave some porridge or plonk some cold sweetcorn, toast, cut-up tomatoes or other veg or some cold chicken in front of your child for them to at least try.

Pouches/baby food were invented as a first food for weaning very young babies, eg those from about 4-7m. Some of them are practically liquid, i didn't think anyone actually fed pureed food to babies over about 8 or 9 months!

Mind you i never bothered with annabel karmel etc either

By 1 i just tweaked recipes to ensure it was suitable in terms of salt/spice etc and they just ate normal food - spag bol, curries, cottage pie and what have you.

She sounds like an MN poster!

-Am I wrong?
-MN: Yes.
-You bitches!

I'm loving the cat food remark 😂 I never gave a pouch to mine, I cooked everything and did baby led weaning. They are crazy expensive, wasteful but most importantly they are cooked to such a high temperature that nutritionally they are rubbish.

I would have said BLW is so much lazier, and I'm too tight to spend that much.

YANBU, pouches are great and have their place, they're a god send at times like most convenience foods. However at that age there's no reason the child shouldn't just be trying some of whatever they are eating and having a finger food meal too. Weaning can be stressful for some people and perhaps she needs some support on how to move beyond pouches.

She might be more upset about you not being initially honest and having to press you for an answer.
What's the point of being a friend if you can't be honest with each other?

I get it's a British thing but doesn't help relations.
There was another thread about someone being upset that her mum said she didn't sleep well when asked.... just don't get it.

Ask a question, expect an honest answer.

Be asked a question, give an honest answer.

😂😂

I would just ask her why she isn't giving them the same food her DH and she are eating at that age, there's not need to make anything special. Though the odd toddler ready meal would be fine if you are having a hot curry or something.

She shouldn’t have asked if she couldn’t take the answer.

I did rely on jars more when DD1 was small and I was a bit less confident of cooking, pureeing and what was appropriate at different ages, but by 12 months she was eating the food we were. DD2 rejected all jars after projectile vomiting Hipp spag bol in the car. That took some cleaning. So it was all home cooked, apart from the odd toddler ready meals as I had to provide food for her to have the childminders - normally she'd have what we had for dinner the night before.

But surely fruit pouches are a kind of dessert thing anyway and you'd aren't meant to have four a day. Why would anyone think that was ok? Why didn't she just read about it in a book or any online parenting forum? Even in 2005 when I had DD1 there was weaning advice available online.

YANBU, either with your view on 4 pouches a day, or with your opinion on her insisting you give her an answer and then getting upset about it

But what is the basis of your opinion?

The Ella’s kitchen pouches are veg mush with no nasties.

and you want her to make homemade veg mush?

fair enough if you think BLW is better (it is) but I don’t understand the angst about homemade mush vs shop bought mush. It’s more expensive but it literally is the same thing.

it’s less heartbreaking when your shop bought mush goes on the floor, I’ll tell you that

It sounds like she wasn't looking for an opinion, but validation that she's right and her MIL is a cow.

If this is her approach on a fairly boring topic, you're going to be running a gauntlet with her on any other parenting topic. She's one of those who wants to be told aww hun your baby, your rulez.

I assumed OP didn't necessarily mean 4 fruit pouches, that was just an example of some of them. You can get pouches that are meals, like a pouch of vegetable lasagne or whatever.

OP - is it 4 pouches or 4 prepared meals, but might be a jar or tray? I think it's too many anyway, but if it's specifically pouches, he should also have moved on to more chunky food like there might be in a jar (if she wanted to stick to prepared food). Pouches are very smooth - is she worried about choking?

I think that's too much pureed fruit. I also don't like the pouches, personally. I get the convenience when travelling, sort of, but at home I would have wanted my child to eat whole food (preferably with her hands)

Your friend was being a bit unreasonable to push you then not like the answer.

If my friend said "you didn't really answer the question...do you think that's too many pouches"' I'd have said I don't know what the right amount is and if she's worried about it, I'd say we can always check if it has guidance on the packet re how much they should have per day or see if we can find info to reassure her from somewhere else.

YABU No one actually wants an honest opinion when they ask for an ‘honest opinion’.

That’s way too many pouches. Maybe reach out to your friend and ask if she’s okay? My dd was mega fussy and I struggled to give her a balanced diet. I batch cooked everything for her and froze tiny individual meals.

She wanted you to justify her behaviour rather than give an honest answer, but you aren’t being unreasonable in answering honestly. The amount of sugar in those sweet pouches her child will be getting tooth decay.