To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

[CaraVann]

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

I’m sure if he didn’t wish to she would, she’s clearly not going to force him. That doesn’t mean they don’t need the money as she says.

I wonder if your annoyance about being woken is stopping you from going back to sleep? Your whole night’s sleep needn’t necessarily be ruined, there are many things you could try.

Have to say my DH would be most unimpressed about being sent out to the caravan after a night working hard. I understand being sleep deprived but he’s doing a really important job in horrible conditions and miserable hours. We lived in a caravan through a winter whilst we were doing up our house so I know they can be cosy but it’s more about feeling ejected from his home.

The OP’s husband has been doing these shifts for more than a year and this is the first time they’re having this problem. This is because the issue is not the shift or the work, the new thing in the equation is the barking dog. This is what needs to be addressed really and it’s up to you if you decide to dog train, wear earplugs or as some posters have suggested, sleep in the nice and warm caravan with the dog since dh does not want to do that.

Dunno. No point in speculating. Hopefully the OP will let us know later when she’s finished her caring duties on little or no sleep, with a chronic illness of her own.

This is a dog problem. You say your children are being woken by the dog barking. You need to get a trainer or train the dog yourself, unless the dog is trained to be a guard dog it should not be incessantly barking at the door.

So your options are to either train the dog or DH takes the dog with him in the gritter.

Yy dog going to work with DP deserves serious consideration

Well, your kids can get earplugs and you can sleep in the caravan.
Please thank you dh for turning out and gritting for us. Whenever I see those late night orange gritter lights I am so grateful.

Dog in the caravan with earplugs

Given how many posters have said 'I understand your sleep deprived but..' Maybe another solution would be to ask your DH to take on some of your caring responsibilities rather than sleeping all day on his day off. Obviously this isn't going to help your DC who's education/work is also being affected but may take some weight off you.

so when does he actually sleep?
If OP sleeps in the caravan, she gets a full night of sleep.
You're just transferring the sleeping problem onto him.

Well he could sleep from getting home to lunch time. And then go out. He has said he would not stop doing this regardless of finances. Because he benefits from having the next day off. All the while everyone else is inconvenienced. Why is it perfectly comfortable for OP who has health issues to sleep in a caravan, but not her husband who chose this career?

I think YABVU. He's working his arse off for your family, pulling double shifts at stupid times of day and you'd like him to sleep in a caravan? For goodness sake. How did you cope with broken sleep when the kids were little?

But the finances is irrelevant as right now they need the money, in fact she’s even said twice she appreciates him doing it.

Does the dog bark & wake everyone up when your son comes in from a night out or does he sleep in the caravan?

You sleep in the caravan. Job done. Take the dog with you.

Assuming the caravan is out of the way the obvious solution does seem to be that the dog sleeps in there.

You have to train your dog to not bark when you, your DH or your kids arrive home or if you leave the house.
Then your DH has to leave the dog alone when he has unsociable hours and you have to remind your DH that while he might get the next day to sleep off his unsociable hours, you don't and neither do the kids so he has to leave the house quietly and return quietly.
Yes he is providing a much needed service to one and all by gritting roads but he also has to remember that his family are not the ones out there gritting the roads with him.

I think I agree with PP - the dog, however lovely, is the issue.

Also you’re posting like the man is off down the pub and doing what he wants for the love of it, he’s driving a freaking gritter, out in all weather and all hours, I’m fairly sure if they were loaded he’d not do it, she’s very clear she appreciates him doing it as they need the money,

sure if she earned enough to cover the extra he keep doing it, as he’d still habe to work, so he’d be doing something else instead. He clearly isn’t pulling double shifts for the fun of it, but she didn’t say if I earned enough you didn’t need to work would you still do it.

you seem to think he’s being selfish doing it when even the op is very clear that’s not the case.

Dog problem.

Put the dog in the caravan.

Can DH do fewer ot shifts, or more spaced out, if they're not compulsory?

Without being too mean about this, I think part of the problem is that OP life is pretty stressful and she doesn't sleep well anyway.(FWIW I am a light sleeper and the cat walking into our bedroom or washing itself wakes me up sometimes!)

But I wouldn't expect her DH gets especially uninterrupted sleep as presumably the others in the house are coming and going and thus setting off the dog multiple times throughout the day?

That's true, but presumably that means OP needs a good nights sleep too as they need the money from her job. To me the person who chooses the inconvenient job takes the inconvenient sleeping arrangement. But then like PP have said the dog is the problem. So is it OPs dog that her DH would happily rehome or would he say absolutely no way to rehoming? If its the latter than he has caused both issues, if not then I suppose they are both partly to blame. Maybe they could take it in turns.

Put the dog in the caravan overnight?

I don’t have a dog so forgive me if not, could the dog go in the caravan on these nights?