To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

[CaraVann]

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

Err yes, sorry but YABU. What if you had to do night shifts caring and were asked to sleep elsewhere when you got home? The spare room is a reasonable compromise. I have a mad rescue that barks at bloody anything but in this situation I would make DH quietly call the dog when he gets in, special treat, lots of fuss etc then back on his bed. DH heads to the spare room.

I can only imagine this is a big issue if the dog is in a crate or in a room where he can’t access the front door? If so, you might just have to rethink your dogs sleeping place.

People saying they'd leave the marriage over a question being asked are frankly ridiculous.

It's more ridiculous that you don't see what that particular question means.

It's not about 'a question' - it's about the way OP views her husband. Much deeper than just a question.

I hear you OP, my DH also goes gritting and the winter months can be chaos sometimes. We have two very young DC so it's disruptive in some ways, but we don't have a dog so don't usually get woken by him coming home but it can wake the baby sometimes.

I think if there's no way something like earplugs would help you, I'd be tempted to ask him to compromise and sleep there at least a couple of nights a week to allow to you get enough sleep to function. Surely some of the money earned from the call outs can pay for the extra heating costs! It's worth it for yours and DCs wellbeing. Sorry to hear about your mum

I'm not sure it's possible to train a dog not to bark if someone's entering the house.

Can you imagine, signing off from the shift and saying goodbye to his colleagues, they all get into their cars to drive home knowing they're able to get into their own bed, but not DH. He's off tiptoeing round the back garden in the dark trying not to trip over a rake and wake up the dog, drop his keys in the frosty grass, to let himself into an iced over caravan?

It's like something from a sit com.

You're a family. You're all going to inconvenience each other at some point, (and guess what, you also inconvenience them sometimes), but you have to suck it up because it's part of the deal.

Give and take. In this instance, take the money and give him some duvet.

Train or move the dog! He is entitled to sleep in his home as the rest of ye.

The issue is the dog so sort the dog out, trainer or out it in caravan?

So a dog takes priority over your DH. Nice. No it absolutely is not acceptable. Rehome the dog if it can't behave.

You do know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture right? You could phrase it as I like earning lots of money and torturing my partner whilst I get days off.

Aren't dogs usually very perceptive, with excellent hearing? Can they not learn to distinguish the regular sounds, patterns, routines and mannerisms of their owners entering the house (and the sound of their car engine) from those of an unknown intruder?

If caravans were a perfect solution for year-round use, why would we have such a housing crisis, when everybody could just rent a pitch/tiny plot of land and buy a caravan to house their family on it? I love caravans for holidays, but they don't replace your own proper home.

This sounds like a dog training issue, not a husband issue.

I don't think any member of the family should be kicked out of the house overnight in winter because of the dog's behaviour.

I'm a dog owner before the inevitable "anyone who says it's a dog problem is a dog hater" comment.

Some of us try to repair the damage that arsehole human beings have done to certain animals

And end up damaging their own lives.

So I think next solution is you and dog in caravan. That way the dog wont be barking when he comes in, so it wont wake the kids and you also wont be disturbed. Seems logical since you dont mind sleeping in the caravan

Sounds like the ideal solution to me too.

It's not her hard-working husband providing extra income for his family (presumably on top of his normal job) who is causing his family's "torture". It's the bloody dog!

If there was no dog, the family could enjoy some extra money and a good night's sleep.

The solution is obvious. Get rid of the dog or - if OP can't live without the wretched animal - let it sleep in the caravan (with OP if necessary).

YABU
Doesnt matter how much he loves his job or how warm and comfy the caravan. Its unfair to expect him to not be able to sleep in his own bed especially after working hard to keep the extra £££ coming in.

It would be different if he was coming in drunk and inconsiderate every night, then by all means banish him to the caravan. But not for going out there and working.

Re iterating what others have said , yes it’s awful having your sleep disturbed but your dog is the problem not your DH

Poor bugger is working all hours that god sends to provide for his family, and the reward he gets? Go sleep in the caravan!

I also agree, this is hard going for your husband working these shifts, exhausting and you’re happy enough to spend the money he earns doing them, but don’t wish inconvenienced.

I think you sleeping in the caravan with the dog is the solution. Then the kids won’t be woken, and you all get a good nights sleep.

He’s doing these extra shifts for his family, out in the cold at all hours, and you want him to sleep in the caravan so you’re not disturbed ? Yes, I think you’re being very unreasonable. Either suck it up or sleep in the caravan yourself and as others have suggested, take the dog with you.

He gets the next day to sleep in his own bed and presumably the OP and children go out of their way to make sure he's not disturbed.

The OP asked for suggestions but instead has gotten nasty, abusive posts way out of proportion to her situation and many of which clearly haven't read her opening post in any detail.

The quickness to condemn a woman for supposedly living off the earnings of a 'hard working man' whilst ignoring that she works, raises the family, has additional caring duties and an illness is astounding.

Put the bloody dog in the caravan. Problem solved. Ridiculous.

The dog is doing what dogs should do which is guarding the house.

Your ignorant comment to rehome it is out of order.

I don’t think anyone’s ignoring the fact that she works, or the rest of the information re- caring duties etc. But if DH is going the extra mile to earn this money for his family, he doesn’t deserve to be kicked out of his own bed while he’s doing it. Why can’t the OP sleep in the caravan with the dog - that would seem a more sensible and less disruptive solution.

Why should the dog, who is doing what dogs are meant to do, be put in the caravan.

I do wish the dog haters would piss off

YABVU.
My ex worked making snow in the night and it did disturb my sleep because of the anti-social hours so I know where you are coming from. BUT you can't expect him to come home and then sleep in the caravan which will cost a lot to heat to a decent temperature, wasting a lot of the money he is earning. He needs to be in the house with all his home comforts and warm up there.
We didn't have a spare room so it was a pain when ex came in at 4 am or left at 2 am (the shifts varied depending on what temperature it was outside - they only make snow when it's -2 or less, so the shift might start earlier or later depending on when the temperature dropped). If we'd had a spare room that would have made a huge difference.
DH sleeps in the spare room, not the caravan.

The dog is a different issue. You have to train the dog better and that's going to take time so you'll have to suck it up until the dog can be trained not to bark when DH comes in or goes out.
My neighbours' dog barked everytime the ex went past the door coming to and from his shifts. The woman came round having a go at him about it saying he was waking her up. Er no.... the dog was waking her up because it wasn't trained not to bark when someone walked past.