18-Year-Old DD Clubbing alone

[WagonWheel1234]

DD turns 18 in a couple of weeks and wants to go to an all-female gay club night (it's a once-a-year-thing apparently) in Covent Garden on NYE, then walk back to Waterloo and get the train home in the small hours - no friends want to come so she'd be totally alone.

I'd be OK with her going with a friend but I think alone is a bad idea when she's never been clubbing before and isn't that used to drinking. No gay clubs in our town, so she feels like it's her only opportunity to go and experience this. She'll be at uni next year and I'm sure there will be things like that at uni, but she says all gay clubs are full of men and straight women and this is unique.

AIBU to say no?

If she was going with friends I trusted to stick together, or she’d been going clubbing locally for a couple of years, then probably, but alone and inexperienced in London? Absolutely not a chance. I wouldn’t give a shit how old she was if she was living under my roof. She doesn’t go to bed a naive 17 year old and wake up on her eighteenth birthday as a streetwise adult who has the experience to watch her drink so it doesn’t get spiked, fend off unwanted attention and get herself home on a night when, not only are there lots of perfectly lovely revellers but just as many predators looking to take advantage of anyone the deem easy pickings.

Be prepared to pay a fortune for a hotel room on NYE even if you can get one!

Calm down with the caps. I do agree that you can't exactly ban your 18 year old from doing whatever they want, and should just try to instill safety measures.

However, I don't agree with blaming unwilling parents in this instance for never having prepped their child for independence. No point guilt tripping and blaming parents for not sending their underage child to Clubbing School!

I agree with the PP that it's a 0-60 situation, and no one is to blame. Nightlife in a busy city is a different world, especially if you're from the countryside like OP's DD. I grew up in a busy city myself taking public transport alone everywhere from primary school age, and even before I turned 18 I went clubbing with my older siblings and friends in my home city. But even after 18, London nightlife was still full of creeps and danger for me.

IMO the best way, if idealistic, to step into that gradually is to convince your child to hang on a bit until uni, where she will have more support and safety around her. Either that or get someone to accompany her.

It would definitely be a no from me for an inexperienced clubberto go to a huge city on a night when so many will be intoxicated. I would worry for her safety alone.

It’s not about being “cool mum”. It’s about having basic mutual respect and allowing your children to make adult decisions

At 18 they don't necessarily have the maturity to make those decisions. Most still need boundaries and guidance.

DD(19) and I respect each other and I've encouraged her to be sociable and independent. She's thriving at uni but her first experience of clubbing whilst in the sixth form was with a bunch of girls she knew and who looked out for each other.

I’d have thought NY eve would be one of the safest nights with the amount of people about and police. I live in London.

My DD was clubbing in London at 17/18 but not on her own. I would be worried about that.

Yeah I also think direct/public rape or anything else is a pretty low risk on NYE in London (though you still need to be really careful about someone bringing you home spiked or drunk – my older siblings or friends often looked out for me when I went clubbing growing up) but the rail train trip back home sounds worrying.

Platforms and trains usually aren't really staffed in the wee hours – maybe they will be for NYE but idk how far down the train line

What world do you live in that wanting to go clubbing on your own is very unusual?

Are young women no longer allowed to grow up?

I live in the real world! The only person I know personally that goes clubbing alone is my friend with Bipolar disorder when she's having a manic episode. And the strange men I remember from my own clubbing days that would try and insert themselves into our group.

But of course in MN world it's completely normal for teenage girls to go clubbing alone from age 14+ and 'crash' at some randoms flat afterwards.

I'm also loving the posts from people claiming that due to their superior parenting, their 17yo DD planning a night out, alone, on NYE in central London would be perfectly safe. HA!

Preparing your child for independence doesn't start with allowing them to go clubbing in a big city alone. A good parent would start off with allowing their teen to party in their own town with friends before going to another town or city with friends. Not alone.

OP's dd is 17 and will have only just turned 18 by the time it's this event. You don't wake up on your 18th birthday and automatically become a fully fledged adult that's very streetwise. I'm a bit concerned that she wants to go alone. I bet she's meeting someone.

Also, thanks for ignoring how @ocarinaflow and I were spiked. I was also SA in a horrific way. That's why I don't think it's safe for young women (and OP's dd is barely an adult) to go out alone at night, especially when alcohol is involved.

@Anotherrname I'm really sorry you went through that. But ah just for clarity I wasn't ever spiked (or at least don't know if I was, my older siblings used to say don't drink that anymore I'll buy you a new drink, and then later on my own I was familiar enough to always cover my drink with my hand, leave drinks that were too old, etc).

I was harassed and followed plenty while alone though. Really really scary even if there are other strangers in a "crowded" or very noisy place – often people don't realise what's going on or purposely turn a blind eye. But especially when you're just walking through places (or waiting like on platforms) with absolutely no one else around. And especially when drunk and incapable but also sober. Well you get the idea, I'm sure all women know :)

btw while I don't think it's wise I TOTALLY understand the 18 year old desire to get out into the world and meet like minded people. I think that is natural and deserves every support - it sounds like she has put this idea of a night on a pedastal and it just could be pretty shit and disappointing in reality.

I think try to assure her most Londoners would avoid central london on NYE - and if she is willing to chat with you - could you help her find alternatives in the coming months that would be just as fun.

My daughter turned 18 in the summer. She didn’t miraculously become a mature adult overnight who was suddenly totally independent and sensible. Funnily enough. Maturing to full adulthood is a process.

And sadly we live in a world where young women alone are vulnerable to some vile men. So caution is needed.

Anyway we live in London. My daughter has been clubbing centrally many times with friends. But she has never come home on her own. Always with in friends, and once or twice my husband has gone out to get her when she has been the worse for wear.

The ‘safest’ part of the evening is midnight when the streets will be busy. Give me busy over quiet for personal safety any day. I would not worry so much about the CG to Waterloo walk. It’s what happens after. The journey back home. I would shell out for a central hotel if she insisted on going.

But otherwise I would discourage her going alone to this. There will be other events in her life. At her age she is impatient and this is everything to her right now. But she really needs to go with someone and I would be discouraging her. My daughter would not want to go if I was against it, even though I could not really stop her. We are very close and she would understand my reservations, despite railing against me on the surface.

I think the plans are too ambitious for her age and experience to date.

None of my 18y daughter or 19y old son’s friends go clubbing alone. They view it as a social activity so would not enjoy it on their own. Never mind the safety aspect.

Some people really think a magic button gets switched on when a child turns 18. It’s odd. There is a lot of middle ground between locking up your teenager with no freedom and letting them do whatever they want ‘cos they are an ADULT’. Most of us have young adult kids who are getting there gradually and learning useful lessons along the way.

If my parents had tried to tell me what I could and couldn't do when I was an 18 year-old adult they'd have got short shrift. As PP have said, I was at Uni at that age doing all sorts that would make their toes curl.

I think your daughter wanting to do this alone is the bit that is unsafe- I would (and have) gone clubbing alone but I'm twice her age with a lot of experience of the world and of London. If she is inexperienced this is too much for her by herself. The fact that its London or NYE is less of an issue in my opinion, as other have said it will be safer than usual as it's so busy.

However you can only advise her, I don't think you can stop her.

'A middle aged frumpy woman?'

FFS, could you be more rude and offensive?!

Exactly this. I am hoping (praying) that the few posters who are saying 'yeah yeah - just send your inexperienced SCHOOL AGED CHILD on her way to London - on her own on the train, to go to a busy club on New Year's Eve, and be hanging around on her own in the streets at 2am' do not have children. And definitely not daughters!

If they have - I will pray for their safety and welfare. I am shaking my head and facepalming at some of the responses on here, and genuinely worried and sad that anyone would be so irresponsible and cavalier with their own child's safety and welfare..

Thank goodness most posters are sensible and responsible parents and agree it's batshit, and utterly irresponsible to let this girl go. Along with being very questionable parenting! Just a reminder to the 'cool parents.' This girl is still 17 right now. SHE IS STILL AT SCHOOL.

I will just leave that there for you to think about. I am sure you will realise you're so wrong about this soon enough. SO wrong.

Oh and as for the few posters saying 'if my parents had told ME to leave if I refused to take any notice of them, I would have left home,' ...! We all know your parents did put their foot down with you, they did say 'if you don't like it you can leave,' and you didn't leave!

If that’s what she really wants to do for her 18th birthday celebration, book her a hotel room somewhere near the club.

My worry for her is that she’ll be very disappointed. Clubbing is noisy and most people go in groups. Going on your own as a birthday treat sounds incredibly lonely and depressing, and also there’s a risk that she pulls the first person there who shows her any attention.

I symoathise with her point about gay meetups being dominated by men. There must be other, calmer, female-only meetups, particularly if she’s able to get to London. I have heard lesbians on here say that lesbian groups now meet in secret now avoid being harassed by transwomen. A better option might be for your DD to spend some time networking in Facebook until she finds out where the good meetups are.

In younger years, was out and about in the small hours many a NYE. Lots of people about, most good humoured and never had any problems (not so commuting to/from work!)
Tubes used to be free after midnight on NYE too.

My dd is the same age and would probably do similar to what your dd wants to do. I would suggest she gets an Uber/taxi home rather than the train or if you can collect her? The club itself will probably be fine, I have been to gay clubs and felt extremely safe, as long as she’s streetwise, keeps an eye on her drink and realises there maybe be me in there that identify as women. My dd isn’t very streetwise, I like to keep reminding her of the risks when she goes out. It’s our job to worry but they are adults.

What a thread!

MN is a bizarre place where underage teenage children must absolutely be able to shag whoever they want at home "because I'd rather they do it under my roof and they'll do it anyway", but an adult woman can also be told what she can and can't do for an evening out whilst "living under OP's roof".

Fucking bonkers! 😂

MN is a swamp of shitty parenting advice. It's like people don't really like their own kids.

I can't believe the shitty advice on here considering this young lesbian woman is a totally inexperienced clubber and drinker and some of you think it's ok for her to go to this venue and travel home alone?
I've just shown this thread to a work colleague (lesbian 42) an she said wtaf??? The venue is highly likely to have a mix of queer/non binary and transwomen, she said the level of unwanted attention can be hard to navigate and even more so for someone so very young and totally inexperienced, plus not having a partner/friend to move off with.
This is not a good choice for her introduction to gay club land.

The idea that the streets are safer if they're more busy is very outdated. If something kicks off now, no-one steps in to help anymore like they used to, because they're afraid of getting stabbed - they're more likely to stand back and film it. Where do you think these videos come from on the news & youtube? There's currently phone footage being shared around of two met coppers getting battered and kicked on the floor by a gang of teenagers in a busy McDonalds, and the only person who steps in is a little old man who couldn't do much. Bouncers only get involved in incidents inside their own clubs, if it's outside you're on your own. Central London isn't a community of helpful local folk like some up north - it's usually selfish, anonymous crowds, who only care about getting to where they're going and ignore anyone else around them.

Another one, in another McDonalds - near in mind that this is a naice wealthy area of outer London, during the day, and still no-one does anything...
https://x.com/CrimeLdn/status/1725547907430900200?s=20