To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

Even if Zara offered now to pay for the insurance I still wouldn't let her drive it after she's acted like a spoilt brat.

Setting aside this car incident, it seems Zara likes to try and get the family on her side to influence your behaviour. Whether W is your mum or another sibling, for me, that would be reason enough for reducing contact with the lot of them.

No, she doesn't get to drive it.
That's it.
It doesn't matter what fuss she makes and whether she gets all family members from A to Z to complain to you about how awful you are being or whatever, she does not get to drive the car.
She can hire a car for the evening or just drop the kid off in her own car.
So entitled. Fucking hell.
I mean she can ask and when you say no she should just say "Oh well, never mind, it was just an idea" and that should be the end of it.

I wouldn't let the entitled load of brats use my car no matter how much insurance they get.

It was nice of you to offer to drive the young lad she should of been grateful to you. You were willing to go 15 miles out of your way it seems to be about her pulling up in style not her son. It is her sons evening if she does not like it let her hire a nice car for the evening like a lot of parents do for events.

I think you're more than reasonable suggesting you drive him yourself.

My DD had similar. Fancy car with her and her friend, dad driving. I went in my banger and got great video of them arriving.

Was just grateful the dad took them. Some people are just batshit crazy!

Not even going to pay the insurance!! Fuck that!

You driving Xander there is the obvious easiest thing to do, and you've offered that. It's a shame that there isn't space in the car for Zara to go to but she does alway have the choice of hiring a suitable vehicle the evening if she wants to (but she doesn't want to spend the money).

What does Xander want? (definitely not a family row, I'm guessing!). A reminder to everyone that it's his evening and his arrival, not his mum's.

To be honest, I would have been tempted to invent a work / social event of my own which I needed to drive to, so I didn't have to get involved in all these family demands!: "Not possible, sorry; me and the car will be in Wolverhampton that night".

Absolutely she does. In fact, she’s probably been telling the other mums all about her own sexy little runaround. So lucky young Xander won’t have to arrive in a common, hired limousine, because she has her own.

I would now be saying, 'Oh goodness me - unfortunately I've now made plans for that evening as you'd refused my offer. I'll be using the car myself so it's not available at all' if Zara, Wilma, Vince or Xander finally come back saying they will get insured.

They'd have fucked me off to the point where there was not a cat in hell's chance Zara or Xander was going to pose in my nice car that I'd worked very hard for.

As others have said - they will need to hire one now.

Even IF Zara were insured, if something happened, YOU would be out money as the insurance isn't ever "replacement costs". If she wants her precious one to arrive in style, she can rent a car for the day. She should just get a limo so they both can make a grand entrance. Actually, let Wilma and Vince to pay for the limo/fancy car since they seem to have no problem trodding upon other's rights.

I was thinking the same @EveryKneeShallBow. It's her special car that she couldn't possibly use daily on the school run but comes out for occasions such as these. For her son to drive.

Everyone in this story, apart from the car owner and the student is batshit. Why would anyone gamble their car by allowing a selfish prick to drive it for the sake of strutting their ego in a fancy car. If anyone was hurt, property damaged, you’d be up shit creek for allowing her to drive sans insurance. I’d say firming she can use my car, I have never said that she could not. The only condition is that I see her car insurance. She has not done that. It’s on her.

My wonderful best friend drove our daughter in her lovely car - we followed behind so we could see DD get out and see her and all her friends looking amazing! xx

I offered petrol she said no, so we bought her a favourite bottle of gin as a thank you. I would never of dreamt of asking to drive the car myself - how entitled of your family! You are Not being unreasonable!!

Yves

Let me guess.. Zara is your golden child sister, Xander is your nephew and Wilma and Vince are your enabling parents?

Yanbu btw!

Tell them you've sold the car! Or it's broken down and not driveable. I'm petty enough to actually go out and hire a crappy little car and tell them it's a courtesy car, but "great news - it's got 4 seats so at least we can all go together now".

Seriously though, this has been the plan since he joined, but no-one told you?? You could easily have changed cars by now.

YANBU OP!

Definitely not unreasonable.

At the very least she should take out a temporary policy to cover her or pay the extra for you to insure her as a named driver.

I don't have a posh car but it is my pride and joy. No one else drives it with he exception of the mechanic if it needs work done. Not even dp is insured, mainly cos my insurance company refuse to cover him due to his job.

Snap! We oldies must stick together.

Just the CF presumption would have had me saying no.

YANBU and Brucey bonus - by saying no and sticking to that you’re contributing to what, in the long term, will be a valuable life lesson for that young man.

I'm probably even more unreasonable, as even if they offered to pay for insurance, I'd still not let someone else drive my nice car! Especially if they are known for not being the greatest driver too....it's quite a big arse imo. I'd happily drive the son though only if I didn't have any other plans that day.

Oh, I didn't think of that but that sounds VERY possible! I wonder if he is taking a girl? (Do they do that then, have dates?) She could be trying to get him the car, whether he has a license or not.

I think the above poster is on to something. Xander would not want his mummy to drive him, but if he drove up himself, THAT he would go along with. Unless mummy is a narcissist and has to make HIS event about HER.

Just refuse, OP. Let them hire a car for the evening if they want to make a "statement" and pretend they are something they aren't.

If she's that set on a dramatic entrance, surely Zara can just hire a posh set of wheels to transport darling Xander....

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

As he’s 17 does the son want to drive the car himself, to impress his friends? That’s clearly uninsurable for any reasonable cost, if at all, if he’s a learner driver or has just passed his driving test.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event

Then the-name-beginning-with-Y must be Yul(e), surely?

Maybe stated already, but how much would a day's insurance cost for this car?

Not a snowballs chance in hell I would allow this:, insured or not.
The entitlement of some ppl nevr fails to astonish Me.
And those family members involved in the pile on are no better !!