To think that you shouldn’t choose to rent an upstairs 2 bed flat if you have 4 noisy kids

[shatteredmama]

Just after your thoughts. We rent a ground floor flat, we expect to hear some of the usual sounds of upstairs neighbours such as footsteps, doors closing, washing machine, Hoover, the odd thud. Am absolutely fine with that.

A new couple moved into the flat upstairs, normal neighbour noises could be heard. No problem with that. Soon after they told me they had lied to our landlord and that it won’t just be the two of them, their 4 boys from the ages of 2 -11 would be coming over from their home country and living in that flat with them. Theirs is a 2 bedroom flat, no outside space, our flats are converted from 1 house. As she told me this she laughed and her exact words were oh you’ll know when they’ve arrived. Things are going to get very noisy!

Since the kids moved in the noise levels are ridiculous. Constant loud bangs, thuds, shouting, squealing, we can hear them running up and down their flat. It isn’t occasional. It’s all day every day as not all of them attend school.

I know kids make noise. On a couple of occasions I’ve knocked on and as nicely and politely as possible explained how it’s impacting us. For example when my child was crying and couldn’t go to sleep at bedtime because all the kids in the room above were jumping off the sofa onto the floor, our lampshade was swinging from the impact. At other times they’ve all been running and screeching so loud it sounds as though they are actually in our flat with us. The neighbours have then shrugged, argued back and said they’d try to keep the noise down but there’s nothing they can do.

I don’t know what we can do other than move out ourselves, but with the housing crisis the way it is, it wouldn’t be easy. I feel angry that they lied to get the tenancy and moved the family in knowing that it would disturb us and make our lives difficult.

Would any of you say I’m justified in feeling this way, any practical advice you’d give?

@Jumpingthruhoops so what's the solution to this? The kids are here now so it's a massive waste of time to dwell on whether they should have been birthed or not.

Should she get rid of her kids somehow? Is that what you're implying?

Please do tell of all the possible reasons a mum would move first and then the rest of the family later?? To make out the OP is racist and xenophobic is ridiculous.

Yup, course that's what I'm implying 🙄

You do realise that there are large families living in apartments in cities all over the world right? That having a house with a garden and lots of rooms isn't a requirement for a happy life.
I lived in London in a 2 bed flat with 3 kids for years and you know what? It's the happiest we have ever been. I still pine for that place. Amazing community, loads of activities on our doorstep.
There are parts of the world where whole families share one room and it's the norm, and the cost of living rise has made it almost unaffordable for lots of families to live in large houses in this country.
You know absolutely nothing about this person's circumstances, they could be saving to buy a house, they could be temporarily in a sticky financial situation, but the immediate assumption is they can't afford their kids and are a drain on society. Awful leap to make.

And as for the repeated assertion that people must excuse selfish and entitled behaviour from immigrants as they don’t know any better, have a word with yourselves about your racism and xenophobia. Us foreign types do actually have a grasp on how to live in community with others, with consideration and empathy, without needing to be excused or educated, thanks Couldn't agree more. Some people coming on here accusing the OP of racism/xenophobia need to check their own.

Most obvious reason would be schooling. My brother and I didn't live with our mum for about 5 months when we were younger as she had taken a promotion that involved relocation but wanted us to finish our studies at our current school. We stayed with grandparents and moved later. Sometimes life circumstances can mean that temporary separation is just the best option.

I am, however, really interested to learn why you felt it was important OP being up where the family lived before as it had zero relevance to her story? Please do tell all the possible reasons why this was a needed detail in her post?

Well it certainly seems that way when you keep focusing on this irrelevant subject that isn't helpful to anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

Brilliant post! 👏Shame that instead of focusing on the facts some people have to make wild assumptions to justify their posts.

Damn straight they CHOSE! They chose to rent a 2 bed, they chose to lie to the landlord, they then chose to bring kids over from another country to that flat . At what point was ANY of that not a choice THEY made?

It’s not ideal - but in the same breath, don’t live in a downstairs flat if you can’t bear lots of noise

I'm still waiting for the "How dare you accuse us/OP of xenophobia" to provide any kind of reasonable explanation for why this information was needed for the post...

Like I said I massively sympathise with having heinous neighbours but I don't blame anyone who thinks that adding this part was a bit suspect. It's about as relevant as OPs shoe size, or favourite pizza topping...

@Tessabelle74 well that took the cake for most tone deaf response yet...

Inform landlord immediately and inform social services. How do you know these 4 children are actually their children, why are they not in school. There is child trafficking in the UK, please act quickly.

Yep and these choices were very likely made in the same spirit as people who chose to prioritise buying food over heating. Or people who chose to give up their beloved pet because they could no longer afford to look after them. Welcome to the allegedly 'developed first world' Britain in 2023.

It's almost as if everywhere you look people are being forced to make choices that absolutely break their hearts and crush them because in reality there is no other choice. Do get a grip.

🙄

And now we've reached accusations of child trafficking. Good grief. Please try to convince me that comments like this would still be made even if OP wasn't enthusiastic to bring up their non-Brit status?

Well, they clearly haven't 'chosen' to rent an upstairs two-bed if they have four kids. They've had to take the only accommodation they could afford. They would, very obviously, have rented a more spacious property if they could afford it.

If they really have lied about the tenancy, you can speak to the landlord, if you really want to get a family of six evicted from the only rental property they can afford. Personally I'd say nothing.

I also think that, if you live in a flat, you have to accept that you will hear noise from the people living above you. You can't reasonably expect silence and you can't reasonably expect everyone who moves in to be a childless couple or a couple with only one silent child.

I'm sure they would rather have three if four bedrooms rather than two but what difference would it make to noise. Maybe they could get different flooring so that if is quieter. E.g. if laminate put down rugs.

Please do tell of all the possible reasons a mum would move first and then the rest of the family later??

Mum gets a job in a new location, moves to said location alone to find accommodation while dad or other family sort things out in the old place before coming to join her? Maybe the timing was related to the kids' schooling? Maybe it was related to their dad also needing to find a job locally before they could all move? Maybe there are other family circumstances that you know nothing about?

The OP absolutely didn't need to mention that the family are immigrants.

Take it you don't see that as a possibility?!

👏👏👏

Well they chose to have FOUR children didn't they?

I would report them to the landlord with no hesitation. I would also report the noise to the council.

No, I do not. I thought the OP's post was ok, but the posts in response! All the way from "immigrants have too many children" to "what if the children aren't theirs"? Would you report a white family for child trafficking?

OP says not all the children are in school everyday. Because some of them are 2!

Anyone with even half a brain knows that circumstances can change so would not have 4 children in the first place. If you stick to 2 there is far more change you can manage if something happens.

Housing didn't just become scarce or expensive in the past few years. The couple chose to continue conceiving children during an era where rental and purchase costs were on a steady upward trajectory in pretty much any populated area (UK and abroad) where jobs are.

It sounds like their younger two were even produced after the start of the pandemic with all of its economic and housing-related woes.

They aren't victims of misfortune; they've chosen their circumstances. For all we know there will be yet another offspring next year. Reprehensible.