To tell DH that MIL has got me a Christmas present i will have to get rid of?

[haribosmarties]

Or does that seem ungrateful? Its only a low cost item. Should I just pretend to like it?
DH told me the ILs were asking about gifts for us so I told him a brand of toiletries I like of which you can buy various gift sets between a tenner and twenty quid.
I borrowed DH phone whilst we were out and as I was using it a txt message came in from MIL saying she had forgotten what he'd said and just bought a Dove body set for me and would that be ok?
I handed back the phone to my DH without mentioning seeing the message.
Issue is I have eczema and altho its not severe it does flair up with random things.. Dove shower cream, soap and body wash are amongst those things. Ive tried using them before.

So now I dont know whether just to pretend to like the gift when I open it or to tell my DH that I saw the text and its not suitable.
I know these seems like a petty issue but my relationship with MIL has never been great... I mean we've never actively fallen out... but basically she doesnt like me anyway I can tell, and we have very little to do with each other.. I get the sense she thinks I'm high maintenance.. saying something about this gift might add to that.
My DH won't have any advice, he'd probably just tell her to change the gift because interpersonal dynamics go over his head quite often unless people are actively shouting at each other. He also hasnt mentioned the text to me which makes me think he's just replied 'that's fine' and forgotten about it

YANBU= just tell your husband to answer the text saying its not ok and she should change it for something else

YABU = dont say anything. It doesnt really matter, just give it away to someone.

Yes I know I probably should have said something as soon as I saw the text but I just didn't. I struggle with being thought of as difficult so my first response to anything like that is to freeze and then think about it carefully.

She asked DH, then forgot what he’d said, bough something different but checked with DH if it was ok, presumably so that she could return it if it wasn’t suitable.
I fail to see where shes gone wrong!

You should treat yourself to one of the sets you mentioned. You deserve it and it will make the lousy gift from MIL easier to handle and less stressful. Then just donate the Dove gift set.

Besides Body Shop, what other brands work well on your skin? I always laugh when a company says, "safe for sensitive skin" or eczema friendly. Every skin is different and tolerates different things.

I was actually thinking along similar lines too tbf, not that the MIL couldn’t be bothered as such, but you can literally buy dove body sets anywhere, even supermarkets , b&m, home bargains etc, so when MIL said, ‘I couldn’t remember what you said so I’ve got this instead is that okay’ it was the first thing that sprang to mind, I thought she may have picked it up while out shopping and thought it would suffice, at least she asked though.

And you never know, DH may have already come through and explained what you wanted and why after that text.

Update:
DH did reply to the text saying ' Thankyou but unfortunately that brand makes haribos eczema worse'
I asked him about it and he thought it best just to tell her. He says they get a bit funny if you don't buy them exactly what they asked for so would probably understand

Woman was told what OP would like, then said she'd forgotten and would get the dove stuff instead .

This isn't someone who gives a real shit . If she did she'd ask to be reminded, might have even written it down on her gift list.

OP should treat the woman's gift as a charity donation and move on. There's nothing useful to be gained by OP asking the woman to buy the gift she asked for.

It's just another pointless annual exchange of crap that nobody wants or needs .

I haven’t read the thread and don’t have time to right now as my shift starts in minutes. Sorry if it’s already been said - I’ll say accept the gift. Thank her. Shove it in the wardrobe and regift it back to MIL next Christmas. If it’s good enough for you then it’s good enough for her right?

Have a great Christmas 🎅🏻 🍷

Could someone PLEASE explain to me why a Dove gift set has generated so much interest???
That’s the biggest issue in all this!

So many petty responses on here.

I'd have just asked your husband to type back that you're allergic. It's absolutely no big deal.

Maybe because MIL was told Body Shop stuff and instead bought a Dove set that costs £3.25. I have the set, I like it, but it’s not what OP has asked for.

@stitchinguru it's not about it being "cheap" Dove products - the OP can't use it due to her eczema. MIL could have bought some hand crafted by fairies toiletries containing unicorn tears from Harrods - they would still be unsuitable if they cause skin problems.
@haribosmarties glad to hear your husband spoke to her.
I really don't understand all this just "smile and be grateful" nonsense when all it takes is just talking to each other and being honest.

This

I’d just act grateful and regift. Definitely not worth any drama

@clpsmum @Zanatdy if you read a few posts up you will see the OPs husband has spoken to his mother. Issue is probably solved. MIL probably said "oh thanks for letting me know".
Why do people keep thinking this would be "drama"?
I would have thought a simple telling someone BEFORE this gift is given that it's unsuitable is considerably less "drama" than an awkward moment when you are dropping the unsuitable gift off at a charity shop or wherever and you bump into MIL there.
If I was the MIL I would be more annoyed that no one bothered to tell me it's unsuitable.
How much money, time and products are wasted every year because people keep being so polite and doing the "smile and wave" act rather than just opening their mouths and speaking.

I think, unless someone has actually expressed an enjoyment for a particular brand, those sorts of body sets are token gifts designed for people to give to others, who they either don't know very well, or feel like they have to give "something".
They are of the "mindless but better than nothing" variety.

Frankly, it's not worth the agro of speaking up about it. Smile and say thank you, then re-gift/donate at the earliest opportunity. And mentally knock her down a similar amount with the amount of care/effort you put into her gifts. I did it some years ago with my BIL and it's intensely freeing.
He always made a fuss about presents, never giving any idea what he wanted, and saying "just get me something you think I'll like". So one year I got him a gift certificate to a new steak restaurant in town. He looked at it, sneered, and said "I don't want to do that" and gave it back to me!
Since then he gets the token wall calendar and some chocolates. He pulls a 6 figure salary, and I do well to pull 30k. I figure he can bog all the way off.

To be fair to your MIL I’ve been in two branches of Bodyshop in the last week trying to get a specific gift set I’d seen online and both of them had sold out.

I think this might be related to cost? A dove gift set is significantly cheaper than a body shop one. Maybe the mil didn't want to spend that much on op's gift?

I would accept it this year of she's already bought it & next year if she asks your dh again choose something you're not allergic to - vouchers sound perfect

@Needmorelego @OhNoOhNo
Please…. Stop trying to justify the need to make this a big issue - It’s a toiletry set, FFS!
It’s SO trivial. Unwrap, smile, give it away. Simple.
Apologies, but I lost my eldest son aged 24 on Christmas Day 2019 to Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. I have absolutely zero patience for this kind of ridiculous selfishness!

@stitchinguru sorry for your loss 💐
I understand Christmas must be incredibly hard for you.
But I think it's everyone else that's making it a big issue.
It takes one simple sentence to the MIL so she isn't wasting her money.

@Needmorelego
Exactly that - I can’t believe how many people have joined the Dovegate debate…
It really beggars belief.

I would accept the gift and say thank you. I would then have a conversation with DH afterwards and say “I didn’t want to be rude but I can’t use this, because of my skin. So what I’m going to is donate it so it doesn’t go to waste.”
Then either drop it into conversation later on that it causes a flare up or get DH to tell
her at some point you can’t use xx

@Anon0mum the husband has already spoken to his mother apparently.

Accept, smile, say thanks, chuck in a pile to donate to someone who can make use of it/leave out at the end of the drive for someone to take/put in the box of donations at the supermarket etc etc.
It’s a cheap gift set, it’s not like mil has wasted hundreds of pounds on something and missed the mark.

Out of curiosity....
If all those "just smile and say thanks and then pass on" people found out that whatever gift they gave to their MIL is just dumped in a charity shop pile minutes after being given - wouldn't you all be just a little bit miffed?
Your money and the time you spent shopping just discarded in seconds.
That's why in my family we do wish lists - and they get followed.
I find this all ironic as Mumsnet is full of the "I hate pointless tat" people.
No wonder the world is drowning in "stuff".

Not only that but the MiL has asked ahead of time to check it's OK ... So there was an opportunity (that the OPs DH has taken) to say "Sorry that's not going to work"

She may not have worded it perfectly but the fact that MiL was messaging her son to make sure the item she bought was suitable shows she has at least some concern for wanting to get something the OP could use.

I am all for "smile and accept an unwanted gift graciously" in the moment of recieving said gift but I don't understand the people who have an opportunity to prevent an issue ahead of time but choose not to take it ... Why?

Surely it is better to be honest and get something you actually need/want/can use than just smile and say nothing, knowing the other person is wasting their money on something you will never use? How hurt would you feel if you found out that half the people you buy gifts for just open them, smile, say thanks and then "chuck it on a pile to donate"? I would definitely stop buying people gifts if they weren't being appreciated, whether it cost £5 or £500, it's the thought, meaning and intention behind it that counts and the OPs MIL clearly wants to get something she will use, or she wouldn't have bothered to check with the OPs DH, she'd have just bought it regardless.

If I want to donate to charity I do so to charities I choose to support and in addition to buying gifts for family/friends. If you're just going to donate the gift I buy you then I'd rather you say up front and I'll just save the time, money and effort of buying something and instead add that money to my own donations.

Really not worth falling out / offending someone over a crappy gift. They keep charity shops going.