To tell DH that MIL has got me a Christmas present i will have to get rid of?

[haribosmarties]

Or does that seem ungrateful? Its only a low cost item. Should I just pretend to like it?
DH told me the ILs were asking about gifts for us so I told him a brand of toiletries I like of which you can buy various gift sets between a tenner and twenty quid.
I borrowed DH phone whilst we were out and as I was using it a txt message came in from MIL saying she had forgotten what he'd said and just bought a Dove body set for me and would that be ok?
I handed back the phone to my DH without mentioning seeing the message.
Issue is I have eczema and altho its not severe it does flair up with random things.. Dove shower cream, soap and body wash are amongst those things. Ive tried using them before.

So now I dont know whether just to pretend to like the gift when I open it or to tell my DH that I saw the text and its not suitable.
I know these seems like a petty issue but my relationship with MIL has never been great... I mean we've never actively fallen out... but basically she doesnt like me anyway I can tell, and we have very little to do with each other.. I get the sense she thinks I'm high maintenance.. saying something about this gift might add to that.
My DH won't have any advice, he'd probably just tell her to change the gift because interpersonal dynamics go over his head quite often unless people are actively shouting at each other. He also hasnt mentioned the text to me which makes me think he's just replied 'that's fine' and forgotten about it

YANBU= just tell your husband to answer the text saying its not ok and she should change it for something else

YABU = dont say anything. It doesnt really matter, just give it away to someone.

Yes I know I probably should have said something as soon as I saw the text but I just didn't. I struggle with being thought of as difficult so my first response to anything like that is to freeze and then think about it carefully.

Surprised so many people are saying let it go.

I would agree with that if it was a case of just being given it. But in this case the MIL has literally asked if it'll be ok!?

I would mention that the text came through,
So all he has to do is say "hi mum, unfortunately Dove really aggravates DWs skin. She is fine with X,y,z"

Smile, thank, straight to charity.

If you liked your MIL & got on with her, what would you do?

My MIL bought me Eternity perfume every year (despite the fact I told her I didn’t like it, I had when I was 18). I just kept donating it to raffles etc.

You will get one every. Single. Year. If you accept it as is. Your DH or you on his phone need to say "Oh no! Unfortunately Dove brings her out in a really nasty rash 😞. Her favourite is [...]. Sorry I should have told you in a text. Hope it's not too late to exchange it."

Blimey. I think you need a hobby.

This sort of thing is why we stopped doing presents.

PIL would spend about £20 or stuff that went straight from the car to the charity shop. I suggested only edible gifts the next year, got stuff I couldn’t eat (vegetarian). So then suggested we just stop because it’s a waste of money to buy stuff that the recipient can’t use.

It’s been a blissful 15 years.

I would accept it and put it in the bathroom for general use. At some point I would say to DH "I think that Dove stuff is aggravating my skin, I feel itchy after using it" (but obviously don't use it really). Then nearer next Christmas remind DH that you can't use Dove and message him the brand's you can use.

Take it and thank her. Then donate to food bank, homeless shelter or local school who will sell at mothers day gift event later in year. Just pass on to someone who will appreciate it and use it. No sweat and all happy!

Rinse and repeat annually for the rest of time. 😬

I would suck it and just say thanks, you don't have to use it

@DoIReallyNeedToDoThis or say one sentence to the MIL about why it's unusable.
Which apparently the husband has already done.
I can't believe all these adults that apparently can't use their words 🤣

Exactly. It’s pretty pathetic.

For years I would receive pieces of cheap jewellery that I’m allergic to. I wouldn’t say anything although my bf knew I couldn’t wear them/hated them. My family members always gained from their gifts. During conversations, if it ever came up, I would say that I’m allergic to most jewellery, even that we didn’t have a bath (I was younger and still lived with my parents at the time) and I would get bath sets. It’s not so bad now, we just buy for the kids 😁

I would just say thanks then re-gift to her for her birthday.

I think it's okay for one exchange of info - IE she asks DH whether Dove is ok. He says "no it will aggravate eczema".

Otherwise you might get Dove every time from now on.

I often get gift sets I can’t really use from family. Often my ex buys them from the kids. I’d even my own mother. I always just smile, say thanks and then add to the pile for when the schools want donations for the raffle.

It seems extra thoughtless and don’t-give-a-shit of her seeing as she wants to be bought exactly what she has asked for. You gave her the whole Body Shop to choose from. Not difficult to remember, not a brand that’s easily forgotten or difficult to find.

I think that you’d be better off doing a no gifts for adults thing next year.

and stop wondering what you’ve done to piss her off. Just crack on with your life, be polite but general in conversation.

If you haven't bought her a gift yet I'd buy her the exact same thing. That way if she complains it proves she knew it was a thoughtless gift. But I'm petty like that hahaha

I'm 46 and have eczema my whole life, despite having obviously disintegrating hands (where my eczema is worse, think split knuckles, itching, slathering then in cream, bound knuckles once they have split badly) and regular conversations about only being able to use certain brands and how there is no point in buying me smellies ever, people still buy me them, I just smile and donate or regift (dove is rubbish for my skin despite it being promoted for us delicate types!)

I don’t agree with people who say just to thank her and pass it on. I made this mistake with my late DM whom I loved to bits. She gave me a Yardley gift set in a new perfume I really disliked but I thanked her very much so as not to hurt her feelings. It was quite an effort for her to buy anything. She then kept giving me more and more of the stuff! It was called Khadine and luckily is discontinued.

I think the best thing to do is tell your DH you saw the text and ask him to tell his mum that you can't use Dove. That way she can give it to someone else, and will also not buy it for you again, which is a risk if you pretend to really like it.

@squashi the OP has done that.

Say thank you - donate it. Later if she ever asks if you liked it say ‘oh it smelled so lovely, but unfortunately it did make my skin flare up - such a shame, it was a lovely gift!’

My nan and her sil did this with a scarf for a couple of years 😄 not maliciously though, mixture of dementia and general old age forgetfulness