To tell DH that MIL has got me a Christmas present i will have to get rid of?

[haribosmarties]

Or does that seem ungrateful? Its only a low cost item. Should I just pretend to like it?
DH told me the ILs were asking about gifts for us so I told him a brand of toiletries I like of which you can buy various gift sets between a tenner and twenty quid.
I borrowed DH phone whilst we were out and as I was using it a txt message came in from MIL saying she had forgotten what he'd said and just bought a Dove body set for me and would that be ok?
I handed back the phone to my DH without mentioning seeing the message.
Issue is I have eczema and altho its not severe it does flair up with random things.. Dove shower cream, soap and body wash are amongst those things. Ive tried using them before.

So now I dont know whether just to pretend to like the gift when I open it or to tell my DH that I saw the text and its not suitable.
I know these seems like a petty issue but my relationship with MIL has never been great... I mean we've never actively fallen out... but basically she doesnt like me anyway I can tell, and we have very little to do with each other.. I get the sense she thinks I'm high maintenance.. saying something about this gift might add to that.
My DH won't have any advice, he'd probably just tell her to change the gift because interpersonal dynamics go over his head quite often unless people are actively shouting at each other. He also hasnt mentioned the text to me which makes me think he's just replied 'that's fine' and forgotten about it

YANBU= just tell your husband to answer the text saying its not ok and she should change it for something else

YABU = dont say anything. It doesnt really matter, just give it away to someone.

Yes I know I probably should have said something as soon as I saw the text but I just didn't. I struggle with being thought of as difficult so my first response to anything like that is to freeze and then think about it carefully.

Oh my dear girl please find something real to worry about. What do you sound like?

If you don't tell her it's unsuitable, she'll buy you the same gift set every birthday/Xmas for all eternity.

So I'd say "thank you, but I won't be able to use it because it makes my skin condition flare. Do you mind me exchanging it, or would you rather do it yourself?".

That puts the ball in her court and you shouldn't get the same thing next year unless she really is stupid or hates you, and if she does buy it again, remind her that you've already told her you can't use it.

My ex-H used to buy me Ferrero chocolates every birthday, mothers' day, easter and xmas. I told him every time I felt the shape of the box, and eventually (after 3 years of this) I told him it was one of the deciding factors for me wanting a divorce - no-one wants a man that just won't listen no matter how many times you tell him something, even if it is only about a cheap box of crap chocolates!

Ah it's such an inexpensive every day item, a non present really, just say thanks and regift/charity shop it. Treat yourself to something nice!

Thi is confusing. Regift it, but it’s generally not suitable as a gift?

*this

This is another great example of why knocking presents on the head between adults should happen
No adult needs a present from another adult. More stress than it's worth.

Just buy your own toiletries. When will people give it up this stupid present exchange thing🙄

@girlfriend44 I like getting presents 😂
In my family we just don't make it "stupid" by actually communicating with each other about what we would like to receive.

What's the point, you spend out and they spend back.

Just buy yourselves what you need?

Just take it in good grace, what's the point in stipulating what products you do like for future gifts, they will most likely forget your preferences and I doubt the value of the present is going to increase or change.

You just adjust your present buying for them to meet the standards they bestow upon you, and that's not being spiteful, it's just some people don't do Christmas as much as others.

All's good.
Give the present to your husband.
It's soap.

@girlfriend44 in my family we have different budgets and financial situations.
We don't all spend identical amounts so - for example my parents - are in a good enough financial way to be able to afford to buy something for me (and my daughter) that I maybe can't afford or justify affording.
I enjoy gifting something back - but I do it on a budget and will spend less (my parents know this).

No adult needs a present from another adult. More stress than it's worth.

I think it's ridiculous. Running yourself dry to get presents for adults (that they will probably just pass on it because it's not to their taste, or it's cheap because you have 20 more adults to buy gifts for!)

Birthdays are manageable at least, it's only one person. Christmas? Nah. Enjoy the food and the vibes. You don't need forced presents.

Sorry for your loss. It’s not about the gift set, OP can afford to buy what she needs herself, it’s about the expectation that women should always suck it up, do the best for others and expect less for herself. OP puts thought into gifts for others. She asked for a Body Shop set, not a Cartier watch, and she was being given a £3.25 Dove set which her DH and MIL knew she wouldn’t be able to use.

Meanwhile DH and MIL will get exactly what they asked for Xmas because their needs are considered important because they get ‘funny’ when they don’t get exactly what they asked for. But for some reason OP isn’t allowed to get ‘funny’ because people like you have ‘absolutely zero patience for this kind of ridiculous selfishness’.

If OP said she was going to get MIL something she doesn’t like, you’d be the first to call OP petty.

@Whingebob I have never "run myself dry" getting presents for my family. We do wish lists and either go online or go to a shop. Not exactly complicated.
I don't particularly "enjoy" the Christmas food.
I'd rather have presents thank you very much (and in my family that can mean something as small as a £5 paperback).

I’ve not had a single present off anyone in my partners family in 7 years so I’d be grateful for anything tbh! Just suck it up and regift.

This is sorted now thanks everyone. Quite a lot of different opinions on here!

Tbh I do like getting token gifts as its just nice to get to open something on Christmas day. I don't have a large extended family. I don't care about the costs of the gifts. I do like toiletries but I've taken on board that it wasn't a smart thing to ask for as there are brands I can't use due to my skin.

The ILs do care about gifts and would expect gifts from us etc so I don't think ending gifts between adults would go down well. Again its not a large family. My DH is an only child. No one is spending loads of money here. No one ever asks for anything that costs more than 20quid to be honest.

Anyway its been sorted now. And i am very aware i was overthinking! As i said i sometimes struggle with social situations. But I did just ask my DH in the end and he just replied to the text saying dove branded stuff was not good for my skin.

@haribosmarties glad it's sorted.
Enjoy your Christmas 🙂🎄

We all get gifts we don’t want or like. Just give it away same as the rest of us. We probably inadvertently give things others don’t like too! It’s not worth making a fuss about.

I'm glad it's sorted. But heavens above-you can see why family feuds happen! I mean the conversation
should have just gone "John-I know Mary can only use some bath stuff, but when I got to the shop I'd forgotten what she can use. I got Dove because it says it's for sensitive shin-is that OK? "Sorry, mum, that's no good for her-he favourite is X." "Oh, OK, thank you. I'll change it." Yet within 3 posts the present buyer was insensitive and thoughtless!

Normally, I would say just thank you and donate to a food bank next time you are shopping. Though in this case, DH told you your gift to them stressed them out, so it would be shitty if they took offence with the sane thing going the other direction. I would tell dh to speak to her.

@Snugglemonkey read the OPs posts.
Her husband spoke to his mum. Issue is solved 🙄

How was it thoughtless. How would MiL know what irritates her skin.

I would accept it. Then say you have tried it and it irritated your skin. So she doesn't keep buying it.

I wouldn't mention it. Just chick it in the food bank bin after Christmas

@Tessabelle74 @Boysnana why do you not read the thread?

Rubbish present anyway!

Why do you care so much? Too much time on your hands obviously. Have you though of taking up crochet?