To tell DH that MIL has got me a Christmas present i will have to get rid of?

[haribosmarties]

Or does that seem ungrateful? Its only a low cost item. Should I just pretend to like it?
DH told me the ILs were asking about gifts for us so I told him a brand of toiletries I like of which you can buy various gift sets between a tenner and twenty quid.
I borrowed DH phone whilst we were out and as I was using it a txt message came in from MIL saying she had forgotten what he'd said and just bought a Dove body set for me and would that be ok?
I handed back the phone to my DH without mentioning seeing the message.
Issue is I have eczema and altho its not severe it does flair up with random things.. Dove shower cream, soap and body wash are amongst those things. Ive tried using them before.

So now I dont know whether just to pretend to like the gift when I open it or to tell my DH that I saw the text and its not suitable.
I know these seems like a petty issue but my relationship with MIL has never been great... I mean we've never actively fallen out... but basically she doesnt like me anyway I can tell, and we have very little to do with each other.. I get the sense she thinks I'm high maintenance.. saying something about this gift might add to that.
My DH won't have any advice, he'd probably just tell her to change the gift because interpersonal dynamics go over his head quite often unless people are actively shouting at each other. He also hasnt mentioned the text to me which makes me think he's just replied 'that's fine' and forgotten about it

YANBU= just tell your husband to answer the text saying its not ok and she should change it for something else

YABU = dont say anything. It doesnt really matter, just give it away to someone.

Yes I know I probably should have said something as soon as I saw the text but I just didn't. I struggle with being thought of as difficult so my first response to anything like that is to freeze and then think about it carefully.

While I think you should go with option 2 of the path of least resistance, I also didn't vote because you aren't being 'unreasonable' in the least. I have very sensitive skin and I hate when people who don't know me very well gift me (sometimes quite expensive!) body moisturisers etc because I know they will make me itch and I will have to give them away. I hate that people waste their money on stuff that the recipient won't even like. As it is your MIL and she is difficult, I'd let it go but it is annoying and annoying of her to be so touchy that you can't say anything to her.

Well she admitted that she couldn’t even be bothered remembering which brand your DH told her and got Dove instead. So she can’t get the hump if she finds out you have regifted it

Why did she bother asking him?
And then asking if it’s okay (she knows it’s not).
Obviously just saw it on offer in the supermarket.
Leave it to your DH to buy her gift.

It's a token gift, you are an adult, graciously thank mil for the gift, regift at a later date or donate to the local food bank.
No need to even mention it to DH, it's such a trivial issue, and certainly nothing to get your knickers in a twist about

This really. My mil has been buying me stuff I neither want or need for the past 30 years. It's almost always stuff that costs around £20, and I work in a charity shop so it's dead easy to just take it in.

If she bought me a £500 handbag in a colour I hated, then maybe I might have an issue. But a bit of soap and bodywash I don't give a second thought.
She once bought me a purse with a dog on it. That was inexplicable.
I've never had a dog and neither has she. I mean, why not a plain purse? Why a dog?

I think I would have said something to DH when handing the phone back. Oops I saw that message and, actually, I will never be able to use it and left it up to him to respond to her or not. I would have been tempted to add that I deliberately asked for a specific brand for this very reason. Sounds like it is too late now so agree with other posters to graciously accept and give to charity shop.

I have sensitive skin and don't put anything in my bath and use gentle toiletry products and was eventually very vocal (and probably ungrateful) about Christmas gift choices from DH's family - not about specific gifts I had been given!. Also did the same with scented candles that we never use as they irritate my lungs. DH family tended to give generic toiletries and smelly candles every year. Great now, seem to be given much more thoughtful gifts.

Maybe she thought that Dove was ok for sensitive skin which was prone to eczema? It's what my Mum's carers used for her skin when she had outbreaks

That's what I thought. It's what my mil's carers use too.

I think it was a bit of a mistake asking for Body products if you're allergic to most brands. Sure yes you specified which one you were ok with, but might have been safer to ask for chocolates or baileys to avoid the issue.

I have this every year with a family member of mine. Not me but my son he has eczema and there's only certain products he can use on his skin. They always buy him a lynx set so not even close to being suitable. They just say yeah I know but can still try it just to see if he has a reaction. Doesn't work like that and he's severly autistic so not like he can make that choice for himself. His skin will be a mess for weeks after. Always end's up in the charity shop.

DH’s family were all like this. Apparently toiletries are an approved gift in that family. I also have eczema. They sometimes bought more expensive stuff, L’Occitane for example, because it didn’t irritate MIL’s baby-like skin apparently.
After several years of BIL buying ever more expensive toiletries on MILs recommendation, I asked DH to have a word to just stop the gift exchange. It was such a waste.

I have very reactive skin and there are only a few brands (none of them expensive) that I can use.

I almost invariably got Bayliss and effing Harding despite saying repeatedly that I couldn't use them.

Now I just smile and say thank you and pass them off in a a charity bag.

B&H is f*cking horrible stuff!

If she hadn't asked then I would say just accept and pass on, but she has asked, to check whether it is okay or not. And it isn't okay. So if it were me I'd rather be told honestly at that point rather than potentially keep getting an unsuitable thing in future.

Pretend to like it and regift. Your skin condition could always “get worse” and develop a problem with Dove before next time.

I recognise the temptation to be honest re gifts but I think it’s not the right thing to do here.

@Emotionalsupportviper oh yes B&H is awful! What do they put in it? It looks so pretty and its fairly expensive yet you may as well rub a cheese grater on your skin.

The brand I asked for was Body Shop. I think it does set some peoples eczema off as its scented but for me most of it doesnt.. I think there was a bubble bath I got from there one year that hurt me.. but other than that its been fine. And it looks fancy and christmassy but not too expensive. I thought it would be a good gift. And they live in a city which I know has a body shop.

I should not have asked for toiletries at all looking back at it. Some of the ones marketed as gentle set me off so its not straight forward for people.

One of DH's relatives has given me the same £30 toiletry set every Christmas for at least 5 years. They know I'm allergic to it. They've been told, but insist on buying it anyway. So, every year the school Christmas tombola gets it instead.

Its really not worth the drama! If she wants to waste her money so be it.

It's a token gift and not worth getting het up about. I love gift giving but my MiL hates both giving and recieving gifts. I've had 30 years of things i neither want nor like. It's hard for me to understand why she is so bad at gifts but she's very anxious and panic buys. Every now and again she has bought me something really thoughtful (a really lovely book mark I use all the time particularly stands out). And once she bought me some Clarins body oil which was so out of left field for her I still don't understand why she did it or why she had never done it again. I love my MiL and I'm an adult so when I am unwrapping yet another god awful Tesco hat and scarf set with some B&H shower gel tucked inside I'll just say thank you and remember the time the parcel contained Clarins 🤣

If you had a good relationship I’d say for your Dh to reply saying you can’t use Dove etc, but since you think she doesn’t like you I’d forget it and just re-gift the Dove, but buy the better stuff for yourself.

Well as im sure you already know, there's an easy peaceful way to deal with this minor issue, or there's a more convoluted way that risks offence and confrontation, even if only with your DH. It's entirely up to you if you want to live your life amidst drama and ill feeling, or if you want to try and be as happy and positive as you can, ignoring small issues rather than making them into big ones. But if my partner messed with my happy Saturday feeling to moan about a cheap gift set from my mum, and worse still expected me to 'say something', I'd not be too pleased.

Just put into the Hygiene bank. Boots have them in their stores.

Gosh really? It's so highly scented it wouldn't be my first thought for sensitive skin. I won't even use it myself and my skin could cope with almost anything.

I’ve never received a present from my MIL, I don’t hold it against her. I’m an adult and I don’t need gifts to like someone.

Tbf if mil couldn't remember the actual brand OP can use she may have thought Dove would be ok as it is marketed in that gentle skin care kind of way. I've got sensitive skin and it's fine for me even though I'm a bit of a skin care snob !!!! As op said everyone's sensitive skin is different and what we can use all differs 😊

Just accept it and regift (or use a dreadful rash as an excuse not to see her next time!).

I probably wouldn't. Not worth it really. Schools usually have a tombola cupboard for fundraisers, that's where I used to send unwanted smellies.

Overthinking OP. Just send it to the charity shop or donate to food bank. If she asks, say your hubby used and loved it as you have sensitive skin.
I am sure you will have more to worry about than this over Xmas 🤩

She probably remembered but just couldn't be bothered to go to a separate shop to get your gift. I would put it in a hygiene bank and think of it as being nice to be able to donate something.