Teenager smashed sisters phone

[Stress101]

Two teenagers 13 and 15, girls. 15 old smashed 13 year old phone this morning. I was in bed as I'm unwell and DH was downstairs with them. They usually get on well apart from the usual sister arguments. I'm always on top of it when it starts between them and put an end to it. DH however is partially deaf ,doesn't wear his hearing aid and so doesn't always intervene on time.

Anyway things escalated and phone is now smashed. DH said that DD15 has to replace the broken phone which means she won't get all of the Christmas presents she wants. She also has money from her Grandmother from doing well in her exams that DH has said she needs to hand this over too.

DD15 can get very angry and has blown up at me before. Prior to this DH has let her away with a lot. I stayed out of it upstairs as I knew DD15 would turn on me if I said anything.

What is the the right and fair thing to do.

Im sorry everyone's giving you a hard time when you're unwell. I really can't see how it's unreasonable to get the children's dad to parent them. Given they are 15 and 13 this shouldn't leave him having to be ready to pounce and intervene the second they start squabbling. Yes dd15 should replace the phone. Either through swapping hers if its decent, getting a refurbished or second hand one given her sisters probably wasn't brand new or buying the alternative. I wouldn't focus on it as being punishment though. It's a logical consequence of her actions. She broke the phone so she has to get it fixed or replace it. Then hopefully everyone can move on and she learns.

She needs to replace the phone like for like. A 150 Euro phone is not the same as one twice the price.
Cancel the hair, set up a payment plan and replace the phone.

It's not just about teaching D15 consequences (which is obviously important) but also showing D13 that you'll defend her.

I don't know where you are (apart from somewhere that prices in Euros) but do you have local phone repair/refurbished phone shops? How old was the broken phone? Is it possible it could be repaired/replaced for less than 300 Euros?

In choosing a replacement, what does your younger daughter need? It should be a reasonable replacement in having the functions she needs, and presumably a smart phone, but that may not require spending exactly the same amount of money.

I know that what was available when my dad bought DS1 a phone was different when he did the same thing for DS2, probably under 2 years later (they are 21 months apart and I think DS2 was closer to turning 13 or was just 13, whereas DS1 was a few months off his birthday). DS1 had to get his fixed a couple of times, including a broken screen, but then his aunt (my sister) very kindly offered to get him a replacement last time it was damaged, and his first one was probably slightly over 3 years old. All 3 phones were Samsung, but different models. I believe DS1's phones were compatible enough for him to switch his SIM card.

I do think that your DD1 should be asked to contribute the money she has at the moment, and maybe make some instalment payments, or wait on the hair colour appointment, and perhaps save towards that herself

I'd avoid enforced phone swaps.

What would DD1 expect if her sister or a frenemy etc had broken her phone?

I think you need to talk to your DH more about how you intervene, and that he needs to tune into what's happening (including the hearing aids). Would he be able to take DD2 to a phone shop, or help her research what's available.

What options do they have for being in a separate space in the house, rather than in the same room arguing?

Stay out of it, your Dh is right. It sounds as though if she doesn’t get the hair treat, hands over the money she has now and then gives her Christmas money she would be there anyway so she can still have a few bits and bobs and the personalised items. The alternative I’d offer is that she could hand over her phone to her sister and manage without- in fact I’d seriously suggest that anyway until you can replace DS2s (or confiscate it for the time it takes to replace).

She absolutely shouldn’t be breaking expensive things like this at her age, even if she is provoked, the sooner that lesson is learnt the better.

"If she’s fine in school and there are no problems with her behaviour, then she is capable of understanding clear rules and expectations and controlling her rage."

Just to say that isn't true for children with sen / autism. We've lost multiple phones, tv's even a car windscreen. DD has now stopped because she self harms. At least I could replace a TV, I can't replace an arm 🤷‍♀️.

OP hope things get sorted.

I would honestly get her an anger management course for Christmas.

Exactly this.

Besides, if the 15-year gets out replacing the phone, where is the consequence? Haiir appointment is not equivalent. Younger daughter needs to know you support her.

I'm sorry you're dealing with that bastard illness.

If your intervening would have prevented this but you not being there meant it happened then it’s not under control at all (which is fair enough, I have a 13 and 15 yo , they are boys but with hormones things go to ultra dramatic in minutes!) Hope it gets sorted

I agree DD who broke the phone needs to hand hers over to younger DD and swap SIM cards, assuming she has a phone as good as the one she deliberately broke.

She can have a brick phone for Christmas and save up for a replacement.

Yes this. Then be kind to yourself and ask your daughters to be kind to each other. Tensions are probably a bit high at the moment but your daughter will probably be full of remorse already. I hope you feel better soon.

Agree with DH. It's never to early to learn a life lesson. She definitely wont do it again and maybe it's a good way of her learning she needs to control her temper.

A 13 year old being annoying is not harassment or abuse - it’s normal thirteen year old behaviour. Give your head a wobble for goodness sake. Genuinely, I’m sorry your parent/step-parent/care giver couldn’t discipline you all appropriately and disproportionally punished you as the older sibling instead of your siblings as they deserved; but in this situation it is simply not the same. I think you’re allowing your poor experiences as a child to overshadow good judgement. I say this because you clearly seem so strongly against the idea of punishment that is clearly reasonable for the level of damage that’s been caused by the 15 year old. If my 13 year old did the same, I’d punish them in exactly the same way. I expect my 13 year old to be annoying every single day. They do get reprimanded if they take it too far but I’d never expect them to start smashing my belongings if they were annoyed. Not punishing a child because you received a hard time discipline-wise as a child is both unhealthy parenting and dangerous for them and the rest of society. You may also say it does them no favours.

They’re not 11 and 13 though so by your standard everyone under the age of 18 can go around vandalising and causing criminal damage regardless - okay fab. Thank God we don’t have you writing our laws. Your argument is weak and you clutching at straws here by being flippant and talking utter nonsense to try and prove a non point.

Fortunately, the majority of the people of this thread seem to have a similar opinion to me that the 15 year old needs an appropriate punishment for the severity of her actions. Your comprehension seems poor so I’ll point out for the last time - the 13 YO needs to be also punished accordingly. I said nothing about holding one more responsible than the other. Simply holding people to the same level of punishment that their actions require. Which is exactly what the law does.
I won’t be wasting my time replying to any further responses. I didn’t originally comment on this thread for your benefit. I simply came here to give my advice like everyone else. Not quite sure why you decided to purposely single out my response when many others have said similar things before me but I guess that’s your free will.

The money needs to be used to replace her sister's phone.

She did this, not her sister.

The only other potential option is, if the girls have pretty identical phones, is suggest a factory reset to DD15's phone and give it to her sister immediately. DD15 can then buy herself a cheaper phone to get by. But DD 13 would have to agree to this. If she doesn't, then DD15 has to spend her Christmas money on a new phone for her sister.

How nice for you. And how happy the OP will be to know that if she had your perfect children and parenting skills this would never have happened.

I don’t scam or fraudulently claim anything and I don’t think the OP would either.

You are quite judgemental!!! £150 is enough to replace a broken screen depending on the phone.

My 3 year old son dropped my phone and the screen smashed! I claimed then! Was that fraudulent of me?

15 years ago I had my phone on the arm of the chair and it fell into my cup of coffee accidentally, was that a fraudulent claim too?

Get a grip! The OPs DD would still have to pay for the damage it would just be less!!

You are the one that should be having a word with yourself. OP has said in many of her posts that she is unwell and updated quite a while before your post to say that she is having treatement for cancer. If you are going to impart your wisdom on a thread that is 2 hours old at least take the time to read the OPs updates.

And you need to read the OP's posts before saying daft things. If you had you would know that she is unwell with Breast Cancer and could not get out of bed. She also felt that mentally she was unable to deal with it due to this.

I would probably give younger DD the eldest's phone, assuming it is a decent one. Then I would give eldest DD a really cheap and basic phone and tell her she will have to use her Christmas/birthday/savings money if she wants a better one.

15yo should pay for a new phone.

parents should pay for therapy for the 15yo. She needs to address her anger now before she gets older and it has bigger consequences.

I have always included Accidental Coverage with my contents insurance, which would most definitely cover the examples that you mentioned, so, no, definitely not fraudulent! Perhaps that particular pp needs to learn more about what contents are covered, and/or different/additional types of coverage there is!
As I said, I have always had accidental (or "stupid coverage" as I call it, due to knowing I could - and have! -!easily and stupidly break things! I had to claim a laptop once due to falling asleep and kicking it on to the floor and it breaking. And yes, I was honest and told the insurance people this, to check if it definitely was covered by my Stupid Coverage in my policy, and it was. So absolutely would cover the examples in your post.

If your younger child had smashed the 15 years old phone, what would your DD1 want to happen?

Just to add (sorry, can't edit), anyone saying that extra coverage for accidental/damage coverage would cost too much, that's just not true. I have always had it; I have also always added zero vol contribution and lowest compulsory (in my case £100), and check that's still included each yr when they send the proposed renewal quote - that is a joint total of £100 excess from zero vol + £100 compulsory - and it makes no difference to price at all and is still cheap!

HEY, YOU LOT! Stop being nasty to the OP. Everyone feels vulnerable and needs a mum sometimes. The OP has come here, so let's be kind, mkay?

Personally I think the plan to give younger DD the better phone is great, and let older one buy the 150euro phone - or whatever she likes that she can afford instead of having her hair coloured. If mum is feeling kind maybe she can run to finding a DIY hair colour kit for around 10euros to open on Christmas day.

Older one hands over her phone (swap sims?) until she can afford to replace younger sisters phone. Then she can have her phone back.

I expect a 10 year old to throw a phone in anger, not a 15 year old.

Harsh but fair life lesson. Perhaps she will be more careful of other people’s belonging in the future.

I would do this too.
Giving over money that is likely to be replaced is too easy.