Teenager smashed sisters phone

[Stress101]

Two teenagers 13 and 15, girls. 15 old smashed 13 year old phone this morning. I was in bed as I'm unwell and DH was downstairs with them. They usually get on well apart from the usual sister arguments. I'm always on top of it when it starts between them and put an end to it. DH however is partially deaf ,doesn't wear his hearing aid and so doesn't always intervene on time.

Anyway things escalated and phone is now smashed. DH said that DD15 has to replace the broken phone which means she won't get all of the Christmas presents she wants. She also has money from her Grandmother from doing well in her exams that DH has said she needs to hand this over too.

DD15 can get very angry and has blown up at me before. Prior to this DH has let her away with a lot. I stayed out of it upstairs as I knew DD15 would turn on me if I said anything.

What is the the right and fair thing to do.

Absolutely this.

This. She needs to feel the consequences

Thing is to replace the phone will cost 300 euro. DD15 has 50 euro max. She was due to have her hair coloured for the first time as part of her Christmas present which would cost 140 euro.Ive already ordered two other gifts, one of them is personalised so can't send that back. Not much hope of her getting her hands on money either. She will get cash from two Aunts and her Grandmother for Christmas. Probably 100 euro in total.

Of course the older daughter needs to pay to get it fixed or replaced, I'd consider taking away her phone.

If someone winds you up, you walk away.
Otherwise you are running into ‘She was asking for it, so I gave her a slap’ territory. Unacceptable whatever your sex.

Yes cos manufacturers fix phones broken intentionally/accidentally under warranty …

240 €?
It’s a start.

she needs to pay for a replacement. Are you in a position to buy 13 year old new phone and 15-year-old pay you back? Stick to your guns though, she needs to pay for it, then she might think twice the next time she gets violent. She’s still young enough to learn her lesson. The older she gets the more serious the consequences will get for her violent behavior, so make it stick now.

I would tell dh to take 15 year olds phone too a day she doesn't get it back until her sisters is replaced

I would have her hand over the fifty. The rest can come in instalments, maybe some jobs can count towards her "debt". It's not important lesson for her and she needs to learn it.

And she can lose whatever allowance she gets until the remainder is paid off.

HER phone should now be removed and not returned until her sisters phone is replaced.

There would be no lifts or money of any sort after this.

i would not tolerate malicious behaviour like this.

Your husband needs to sort it out.

Give him hell if he doesn't.

No wonder you are ill if you have such a selfish lazy avoidant husband who can't be arsed to parent his own children.

Mind yourself.

How much is DD1s phone worth? Would it be a suitable replacement for DD2s phone, and DD1 can replace h her own phone?

Any insurance?

I'm quite unwell otherwise I'm very hands on and tbh I wanted to see how DH would deal with it. She's fine in school, never any issues with behaviour. She has had some problems with girls in her class this week (frenemies) and one of them was particularly rude to her yesterday and she came home in a rotten mood.

A €300 euro phone smashed?

There would be massive consequences.

I certainly don't consider that normal behaviour.

Thugish is the word that comes to mind.

Her phone needs removing.
That is very nasty out of control behaviour that needs firm action.

What phone does your DD15 have?

DD13’s phone must be replaced. DD15 either pays for a replacement or swaps her phone for DD13’s phone. DD13 should not be left in a worse position.

I would expect her to forego the hair appointment and that would be the first contribution towards the replacement phone. I wouldn’t expect her Christmas money to go towards the cost. Maybe she could do extra chores and repay the balance for her allowance over a longer time frame?

I’d remove SIM cards and swap phones, the your other dd can save up and buy herself a new phone

Yes that's right, blame the husband.

If she’s fine in school and there are no problems with her behaviour, then she is capable of understanding clear rules and expectations and controlling her rage.
She doesn’t get to come home and use her family as her punchbag, metaphorically or in reality.

So she can raise 150 to pay towards new phone? I would take that, order the phone and take her own phone away from her for a few days.
Then you and Dh (together as a team) need to sit her down and tell her how serious this violent behaviour is and that you are both going to be cracking down very hard on it.
You also need to tell Dh that both of you have been failing to parent together and for dd’s sake this needs to change.

When everyone has calmed down, have a chat with her and ask her ideas on replacing it. Don't work it out for her, she needs to figure it out.maybe she'll be paying it off for a few months. But if she co.es up with the plan she is much more likely to see it through. Part of accepting responsibility is working g out a solution.

There are seminal moments in parenting where you lay down the law and they know you are not to be messed with.

This is one of them.
Smashing the expensive property of a sibling is awful.
Definitely no hair appointment.

My boys were arguing over the PS4 and whose turn it was.
They were warned to negotiate respectfully and quietly OR I would whip the thing away for 48 hours.

It continued and I did EXACTLY that.

Fierce upset and begging but it was gone for the full wet weekend.

I never had to follow through on that particular threat again.

OP do you have insurance through your bank? I do through my bank account and I think dependant on phone it’s around £100-£150 for the excess…perhaps DD15 could just pay this?

Just an idea but definitely an important life lesson for DD15 who clearly knew what she was doing in order to break the phone!

You both need to step up and parent together. Lying in bed listening to this happening is not the way to go. You both need to sit down with your daughter and come up with a plan - she needs to make a payment now (to see you are serious) and then a practical plan that you can all stick to going forward - that she can afford or settle for money towards no matter how small it has to be (as she is 15). I wouldn't remove Christmas gifts - the situation should be resolved at that point.

Take the SIM card out of DD1’s phone and give the phone to DD2

DD1 hands over whatever money she has and then make a plan as to how she can pay the rest off. I’d leave her Christmas gifts as they are. She can use some of her Christmas money to pay it off quicker but she has to choose.