Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

Omg your both irresponsible. You don't leave an 11 year old in charge of an 8 year old at any time. Should be ashamed of yourselves.

8 and 11 is just shocking for nighttime and while drinking too daytime still way too much responsibility for a 11 year old.
My 13 year old has only just started being left in the evening for a hour and my best friend lives next door.

You are both utterly irresponsible. Neglectful parenting. Your poor children.

I was home alone a few years ago and a pipe burst in the bathroom- spraying HOT water everywhere. There was quite a flood already by the time I was able to turn the water off (and it was daytime, would have been so much harder at night). It really made me think about my kids as despite living in a safe area and kids being very mature and sensible they would not have know what to do in this situation (would probably panic now at 17 & 15!)

We’ve also had two houses catch fire in our street in the middle of the day. You really need to feel extremely confident about your kids’ ability to handle any kind of emergency before you leave them alone at home. Your DH sounds like he has a drinking problem to be honest, or at the very least is incredibly immature and selfish.

You are both irresponsible

I’ve voted YABU purely because you BOTH should never have left them previously when you went to a party. Yes he’s out of order leaving them last night but together you had set a (completely unacceptable) precedent. Not a lot of things shock me on MN these days but this has. Way too little to be left at home while you go partying.

Is this a joke?

The fact you even considered let alone left the kids alone In the first place is actually wild to me.

Only acceptable to start leaving them alone when they are teenagers.

Jesus

Agree with others. Kids should not be left at those ages even if you were '5 minutes away'.
I wouldn't do it again.

I think its fine to leave an 8 an11 year old alone for a couple of hours in the daytime.For some reason it feels worse when they are asleep in bed.However i once rang SS about our tenant who left her terrified 9 yo at home while she went out til late on saturday nights, and was told that that was fine, so i dont know!!

The NSPCC recommend not leaving kids in the evening until they are 13. That’s not 13 for and 10 btw. That’s 13 for your youngest and not until 16 for overnight. Obviously you’d make a judgment call on this, perhaps 15 and 12 would be ok when out for a few hours in the evening. As for overnight, your eldest would be 18 and youngest 15, so overnight would also be fine as long as the 18 year old is ok to babysit.

Because they agreed they wouldn't do it again!

People make mistakes. This was a big mistake but the OP knows that. FWIW I'd never leave kids this young. I don't think I'd even leave my 14 year old.

The OP says they had an agreement not to ever do it again and her dh broke it. It's hard to know what to do now.

I'm pretty sure there are agencies that you can hire qualified nannies from at a reasonable cost. I used to do this. They are DBS checked etc.

Seriously, you are both horribly self-absorbed and reckless.

I am surprised by the responses. My children are much younger but when I was younger this was the age that children started to be left alone from.

i don’t think leaving them alone one they are already asleep without their knowledge is acceptable though.

She still did it though

Surely 16 is a very common age to babysit children much younger than 11.

FFS!

Op and DH did it once with stuff in place in case of emergency, then agreed it was a mistake and they wouldn't do it again.

This time OP left kids in the care of their dad and even double checked he wasn't going to go out and leave them.

It's really not her fault this time but some MN'ers will always want to kick another mum when she's down.

YABU for this:

‘and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them
And
We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to).’

Your 8yo is too young to be left alone
Your 11yo is too young to be in charge.

Your partner has messed up massively.

The way I read it op didn’t really want to leave them alone the first time but went along with it. This confirmed for her that they shoukdn’t do it again and she voiced that to dh and thought they’d agreed not to do it - hence the joke she me made.

Too many people going for the OP and being outrageously out of order! You have accepted you shouldn't have left them at home as they were too young. I agree he shouldn't have left them and gone out without telling you. It's time to sit down and discuss what to do moving forward.

She is entitled to a night out when she thought her husband was at home with the kids. Idiot

Just read some of the replies to your post OP and oh my god! Judging by the replies you left 2 breastfed babies at home! I don't know what happened in the last 20 years but when I was 8, I don't think my parents even knew where I was during the day. And believe me I was safe and grew up a very independent strong woman. And have a great relationship with my parents. Your kids were probably super excited to be left alone in the house!

You left them home alone before. Why is this any different. You are both guilty of gross negligence.

Does he have a drinking problem?

I would be furious.