Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

I've literally just come home back inside after a fire alarm went off in my block and we all had to evacuate. I think my son, (and all children tbf) would be terrified if alarms went off and he looked around and we weren't there.
Your partner needs to be reminded of the possible things that could happen while he is gone. Hopefully it makes him see sense.

Yeah, you’re right. Leaving your young children home alone at night so you can go to a party is your pretty common “parenting mistake” that people make 🙄

As far as I’m concerned when it involves the neglect of children and risking their safety/lives, to the point where SS could be involved then it’s a bit more than a simple “parenting mistake”.

@Pumpkinspicelattetime thank you

Yeah social services should just stand down because “be kind”

She’s saying she decided they are too young for nighttime but it’s ok in the daytime. Which it’s not. And she obviously hasn’t got through to her husband.
It’s also not like she got 5minutes down the road, thought what am I thinking and returned, she stayed for a party. Her husband obviously did and still does think it’s ok so what now?

Lots of posters saying their kids would be hysterical if they woke up and there were no parents on the house.

I want to say that it’s not just young kids that would be upset. If I snuck out in the middle of the night and either of my adult (18 &19 years old) children woke up for some reason and needed me (e.g. they felt sick , had a nightmare, etc), and saw I wasn’t home, they would absolutely phone me and ask me where the heck I was (not least because there’s not many places open after 9pm where we live). Not in an abusive, controlling way but a “mum it’s the middle of night are you ok?” way.

How many threads have there been about an adult partner not coming home when they say they will? How much worse for young children to not know where their parent is when he should be home keeping them safe.

@OhDamnYourEyes does H have a drink problem? Is he an alcoholic? Don’t you like his friend? Is that why the friend couldn’t come to your house to drink? Are you Baptist or Jehovahs Witness and don’t allow drink in the house? I mean, please help me understand what happened? Why the friend couldn’t come to your safe house?

I don’t agree with smacking children but I promise you, if you were my children, IDGAF how old you are, I would seriously smack you stupid!

You are both too irresponsible to have children when drinking and partying are more important than your kids. And you shouldn’t even be leaving them for an hour in the daytime to go shopping!

Years ago, a relative working on the other side of the world made an 8,000 mile trains, planes and automobiles journey to get home quicker. Arriving at 1am, he found the children were all asleep but the wife was nowhere to be seen.
She was poured out of a taxi at 4:30am - by which time most of his plans for the subsequent divorce had been made.

None of this makes it any better

What the actual fuck!

Obviously both of you are being massively unreasonable. Poor kids. This is not a common parenting mistake.

I'd have been raging if it was my DH that did that.
You had a night out, all planned and he pissed off out when looking after his children because just mate asked him out for a drink.
No.
You wait until your night out!
Too young to be left alone.
You have no leg to stand on though, sorry - you've both gone out before for the night leaving them alone?!
You sound just the same. No wonder he thought you were OK with it!
Also all well and good "leaving a phone number" but at 8 and 11?!
Far too much responsibility for an 11 year old if an emergency occurred.

I can imagine setting it up as they did before, and deciding it wasn't a good idea. Not exactly a situation to clutch your pearls at! I can't imagine not preparing them before leaving though, or letting anyone at all know!

and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to

You’re both irresponsible parents, incapable of making appropriate choices about your children’s safety. I hope they have a responsible adult in their lives looking out for them. If you can’t get a babysitter, you don’t go out.

@Loubelle70Sorry OP. Ive got to unfollow thread. Its giving me panic attack!!!. What if those kids woke up... frightened no one was in?

That's just given me a memory flashback - my Mum and Dad had gone next door but I didn't know that, I just woke up and they weren't there
They can't have been gone long at all (probably minutes just felt longer!) but the feeling when you wake up and they're gone I can still remember about 40 years later!
Can't imagine if they'd actually gone "out" out for drinks, must be so much worse

Wow. My youngest is 11 and we have just started leaving her for short spells (e.g. 20 minutes) in broad daylight! At night? And responsible for an 8 year old?! Absolutely not!
And just to reiterate, it's not JUST is that kid old enough to be alone, it's is that kid old enough to also take responsibility for their younger sibling. We're careful enough leaving the 11yo with the almost 16yo on rare occasions!

He's utterly irresponsible, but he's taking his lead from that previous occasion. But given he was also going drinking, arguably he's worse this time!

Realising your 8 & 11 yo were too young to be left for 2. 5 AFTER is ridiculous. They shouldn’t have been left at all. I would say you can’t be angry with him for doing the same thing you both done once before but I think it’s more out of guilt than anger. Even to spend an hour at the shops is too much for children of that age. Anything could have happened in the first 2 minutes, let alone hours.

How can you be angry with him when you both left the DC alone fairly recently?

Some people shouldn't be allowed to be responsible for children at all. Selfish people.

They are way to young to be left along, even in the day.

but I can’t say anything much that others haven’t already said.

but I just wanted to add, having a conversation recently with my now 30/26/24 year olds who asked if I remembered going shopping for an hour or so and leaving the eldest then 14 home alone whilst we went out for an hour. Apparently he was upstairs playing PlayStation with his head phones on. I sent one child up to ask if he wanted to come with and I was told no, so five minutes later I called up to say we were off, and left. Apparently he took his headphones off and thought house quiet. Went walk about , empty. He said that was the longest hour of his life, it was late afternoon and coming dark. He had thought child 2 was asking for a go on the game he said no go away as only siblings can 🙄.

point I’m getting at, it doesn’t matter how old a child is, being home alone can be scary.

Of course he shouldn't be leaving them... but it sounds like you already did together so he clearly thought it was okay.

This is so true. I got locked out and the locksmith said the same. A “safe” area is probably an attractive target because people may be assumed to have more and be more relaxed because they feel their neighbourhood is safe.

OP likely won't be back.

It sounds like you both have a drinking problem if you can't stand not drinking long enough to supervise your children properly.

You both are very irresponsible and v v unreasonable!
You thought it is ok for leave the children alone when you are 5 minutes away for a party
now your husband thought it is also ok to leave them both sleeping from 10pm-midnight for a drink…

also when he asked you/told you about the drink- why you said jokingly or laughing- you knew he has done this before with you and you didn’t like that- why didn’t you tell him seriously not even to think about it and if he thinks that is more important then F off and I will take care of the kids and not go for a friends meet up drinks etc.

Ermm you're both beyond unreasonable. Why would you think that was ok??

Sorry for the pile-on OP. The thing is kids do panic. My then 10yo rang the police because he couldn't find me in my bed. I was in his brothers room sleeping with him as he was unsettled. Woke to have a phone handed to me by my then mortified 10yo and a lovely lady saying " sorry to wake you as your son has said you are home now he's found you but we just have to check".
Also my youngest is now 11yo and I am just starting to leave him alone for short trips to the local shop, mostly less than an hour etc. He still phones me, but that's ok. Step by step. 8 yo is WAY too young.

I can’t believe this is actually real. My eldest is 11 and he is only just beginning to be left for short periods. Today I left him for about 15 minutes while I walked the dog round the block, but I made the 8 year come with me. This was after school so it wasn’t even dark yet. You and your husband are totally irresponsible and I think your husband will do this again now it’s been allowed to happen.