Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

Only one word is needed here: Maddy

I will never leave my kids alone. They will need to be adults before I do that.

I would be furious with him. They are too young to be left alone at night. I have twins and at 9 years old although we left them for an hour or two during the day sometimes if we were doing something boring like going to the dump - they were far happier staying at home watching a movie, I would never ever have left them home alone at night not even at 11 years old. By the time they were 10 years old, they were walking home from school and letting themselves in the house and were alone until I got home from work but we never left them alone in the evening until they were 13 or 14.

I don’t think my DP’s were wrong leaving me to look after my 5-year old DSis when I was 11, 50+ years ago - they had brought me up to be sensible and responsible, after all.
There were rules to follow (not to answer the door and strict instructions on bath and bedtime) that I followed happily each week while they went to their evening class.

If anything it made us better siblings, as we bonded over the bedtime stories I read her.
I was also put on the bus on my own each Saturday, aged 7, to go to music lessons, and happily took charge of my DSis and NDN’s DS, aged 6 and 8, when I was 12, during the summer holidays, visiting parks and museums around London, travelling by bus and tube, and taking a picnic with us!
How times have changed…

I will never leave my kids alone. They will need to be adults before I do that.

You will get a babysitter for a 17 year old?

I think you mean Madeleine? Even though increasingly, people are questioning whether she was even abducted in the first place.

So if they'd have woken up &/or had a problem etc, they'd have had no idea where he was or how to get hold of him?! That's out & out child neglect. I'd have a very hard time forgiving that/him.

Yes I agree.

So the first time they will be in a house alone will be at university potentially? You need to build up to them being able to live/travel away from home potentially at 18 so need to be starting a few years before that.

Seriously ?? You choose drinking over the safety and nurturing of your children.

Sign them over to someone else if you cant be arsed... before either something happens or they get taken. Talk about willfully neglect. Ffs. Absolute clowns the both of you

Maybe it needed saying, but I really wish I hadn’t just read that. Really upsetting.

No, they aren't. It's clear that she was.

With every respect, that's madness. You would seriously get babysitters in for a 17 year old? What if, say, they go to university at 17? Will you be going with them?

That last sentence leaves me pretty much speechless. Wtaf. Super excited to wake up and find no-one there? Please tell me you don’t have kids.

While I totally agree with everyone saying they shouldn’t have been left, that second paragraph there is hysterical rubbish. Burglars looking for houses with sleeping children in them? Have you lost your mind? They’re looking for empty houses, during the day, to make it as low risk as possible. And kidnap? Have you any idea how much more serious that is than burglary? Burglars don’t want to do that!

Good grief, talk about undermining your argument, which was otherwise fine!

Have you actually read the list properly? Child waking feeling a bit ill, child waking and actually vomiting, child just getting up because they can’t sleep, child attempting to get food on their own, child having a bad dream and wanting comfort. Yeah, never happens, all cloud cuckoo land 🙄

Jeeze mine are 13, 16 and 21 and we still can’t leave the house without a war breaking out. I kid you not we go for a date coffee and within half an hour we get a call asking when we’ll be back haha.

in all seriousness though op children are far too young to be left alone on a night. Even the 11 year old on their own never mind an 8 year old thrown into the mix. I’d be livid with DH if he did this

Come on, use your brain here. One, my eldest isn't 17 yet so no. Two, you can't go to university at 17 as you leave college at 18. And fourth, I don't get out very much but if I do my kids come with me as they are all under 10.

You know loads of people go to uni at 17 in Scotland? And you can go at 17 in the rest of the UK in some circumstances.

To be honest I would imagine that part of “the list” was totally manageable by the children.

Although it isn't actually illegal to leave an 11 year old home alone it is against the law if it puts them at risk. I suppose it depends on the children if an accident were to happen then you would be held responsible.

<sigh>

She isn't.

She is unreasonable not to make arrangements for her children's care first

See?

So you won't pop out to the shops and leave 12+ on their own for a little while?

Do you let them out on their own?

Your kids have to be 18 before you'd go away without them?

I just hope that you’re actually very bad at backtracking and admitting you were wrong, rather than just a horrible person/bad parent. Waking up and being sick all over the bed, then finding that no parent is there when they were supposed to be? You think that’s totally manageable? Go on, dig a bit deeper. Jesus that’s bad.

Come on, use your brain here. One, my eldest isn't 17 yet so no.

But as you won't leave them before they're adults, you will be getting a babysitter for your DC when they are 17?

Op I’m going to back you! You made a mistake and you owned it! There is no law as to what age you can leave a child. I wouldn’t have left mine at that age but everyone is different. I have put the information from the gov website so people can see you haven’t actually broke any laws!