Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old alone at all. I would be starting to leave an 11 year old for an hour or so during the day if they felt comfortable with it.
I would not leave them together.
I definitely wouldn't leave an 11 year old in the evening and I consider sneaking out when they are asleep to be neglect. What if one of them woke up sick and was looking for their parent. There are all sorts of possibilities of something going wrong.
I would forget going out without a babysitter until they are at least 14 and 11, and even then it depends on level of maturity..

Can't believe this is a genuine post. At their ages they are far to young to be left alone AT ALL., day or night ir anytime. You are both as bad as each other.

Why the FUCK is she unreasonable to have a night out?!?!?!

I doubt OP will be back

Totally agree with this.

Where do you mention 14-15 year olds?

No one in the real world would leave an 11 year old and 8 year old alone like this. So many risks and very dangerous.

While I wouldn't leave an 8 year old and an 11 year old alone at night in the situation you did, the children knew, were happy with it, and your husband agreed. Whereas your husband lied to you and is unlikely to have told the kids - if they woke up and found no one, they would be shocked.

@ScremeEggs
This is what happened to me too! The absolute fear as I went from room to room trying to find them! Eventually I shouted for them, and they came straight back from next door where they were (turns out they’d plugged in the baby monitor to listen out for me). It still makes me go cold thinking of it, though. I was so scared.

I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t come back either.

.

Anything could happen and at this age they may be too young to know what to do in an emergency. What if someone broke in? A fire started? One of them fell down stairs? Literally a ton of things could happen. They are too young to be left alone for a long period of time.

I think you have entirely missed the point. Night out with children properly looked after : absolutely fine. Night out leaving children to fend for themselves: not fine.

I wouldn’t leave my 8 & 12 year old home alone together. I will leave my 12 year old (nearly 13) by herself but no way would I make her responsible for looking after my 8 year old. Both are very sensible but the 8 year old is just not old enough.

Agreed. I have an 8 year old also.

Don't do it again
She didn’t. He did.

You both seriously need to give your heads a wobble. Leaving your kids at all at that age is utterly irresponsible and selfish

And you’ve entirely missed the point that it wasn’t the OP who left them alone while she went on a night out. It was her DH.

Couldn't agree more.

My son is about to turn 8 and the thought of leaving him home alone, even with a ten year old, gives me the fear! They just aren't equipped to deal with problems that could arise. Good god.

You're both so incredibly irresponsible my mind is blown.

But it was. That’s what people are referring to. OP has complained about her DH but actually she had already done it on an earlier occasion. I don’t think those circumstances were as bad ( some posters seem to think the differences between the two occasions are irrelevant; both times the children were left unattended by an adult). But that’s why people are saying she has done the same as him. And it’s the lack of appropriate supervision at issue, not having a night out.

My point is that OP tried it once, wasn’t comfortable with it, and agreed with her DH not to do it again until they were older. OP goes on a night out and DH leaves the children alone, but people are piling on her !!

We were left alone during the day at that age, during school holidays when our mum had to work, but never in the evening.

It’s illegal to leave children under 12 alone, even for short periods.

No it isn't. Its illegal to put them in danger, not to leave them alone.

There’s no legal minimum age, but it’s illegal to put them in a dangerous situation.