Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Partner not come home freaking out and angry

821 replies

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:05

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. Sad I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

OP posts:
Intelligenthair · 25/11/2023 07:43

Unless it turns out there’s been an emergency (which I somehow doubt), this is really inconsiderate of him at this point. I’d be worried and angry too. And I’d be going out for the day and not leaving any keys.

PortalooSunset · 25/11/2023 07:44

My guess would be he dropped/lost his phone shortly after he rang you, and he's gone to a mate's place to sleep it off. Dh rarely takes his wallet anywhere with him now as uses phone to pay for stuff so would be unable to pay for bus/train fare or taxi if he lost it. No excuse for not borrowing someone else's phone to call you and let you know though.

Hope you can have a nice day with your mum Flowers

Toohot2handle · 25/11/2023 07:45

I’m sorry he’s still not home and not been in contact. I thought when I woke up I’d be seeing the update that he was home by now. Really hope you’re ok. Hopefully as he was out on the do far away from your house he’s lost his phone and ended up staying at a workmates house and he’s safe.
good idea about going to your mums. Maybe leave a note stuck to the door telling him where you are in case he turns up with no phone. X

BustyLaRoux · 25/11/2023 07:45

My exDH did this. Went to a works do, got very pissed. It was in a different city. Got last train home. Fell asleep. Woke up at the end of the line (another different city). It was snowing. No more trains. So he stumbled out the station and found a hotel and slept it off. Woke up at about 10am. Phoned to say very sorry, fell asleep, should have texted etc etc. I’d just had a baby! I was a bit 🤔 because I figured he’d just got very drunk but was pretty sure nothing bad had happened. I admit I didn’t sleep that well, as I was half listening for the door, but I didn’t allow anxiety to get to me. Actually we laughed about what a twat he was. They always turn up! Go to your mum’s. He will turn up very shame faced and hungover at some point. Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely not saying this is acceptable behaviour!! Just that a lot of men seem to do this once in their life. He will be fine. You will be cross. He will promise never to do it again. And maybe you’ll laugh about it (one day!).

DoubleTime · 25/11/2023 07:46

Sorry to hear this OP, how thoughtless of him. I guess he will show up having stayed at a friends,, with a 'he lost his mobile'. I think its good you are going to your Mum's for some company and a distraction.

pastaisgod · 25/11/2023 07:47

By this point I'd be worried (and livid) too. I would be wondering why he'd called at 9:30 too? If it was to tell you he wasn't coming home surely he would have text instead. Or has there been an emergency?

I've had instances before where I've sent a WhatsApp and thought it went through but the other person never got it because of signal issues, clutching at straws but could it be that?

I don't think it would be unreasonable to contact the police at this point. Not sure what they'd do at this stage but it won't hurt to log it. I hope he turns up shamefaced and hungover very soon.

AnneValentine · 25/11/2023 07:49

Next time he goes out agree in advance he is staying out.

people get drunk. And that impairs decision making.

CoffeeLover90 · 25/11/2023 07:52

I hope he's back home or in touch soon. I understand how worried you must be, anxiety doesn't help. If he's otherwise a good bloke and this is a complete one off, try not to be too angry. Could be he's drank far too much and had a colleague looking out for him. He could have put his phone on silent or had been in a noisy place and couldn't hear, before falling asleep.

BirthdayRainbow · 25/11/2023 07:52

I would text him to say you are going to your mums and you'd appreciate it if he could let you know when he will be home. Tell him next time to leave a voice mail.

My son was an hour and a half late home from work yesterday. Also travelling London to Kent and while I told myself he's probably gone out with friends there is still that bit of worry when you care about someone..

HouseChainDrama · 25/11/2023 07:53

Presumably you can't see his location on his phone? Are you an apple family?

CantFindTheBeat · 25/11/2023 07:53

I really feel for you, OP.

It's a horrible, horrible feeling.

AutumnNamechange · 25/11/2023 07:54

maybejustonemoretime · 25/11/2023 07:21

@AutumnNamechange great thinking, I wonder if the OP or the hundreds of other posters throughout the entire night might have thought of this 🤔

I have only read the OP’s responses and couldn’t see she’d mentioned that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I hope your day has got off to a good start making a snarky comment to a stranger on the internet. What a saddo.

Ohnoooooooo · 25/11/2023 07:56

I don’t think you are bring unreasonable at all. Your past experiences are a red herring. It’s him not having a key and you being in limbo as to him getting in and you going to sleep. You know he’ll be very drunk so not thinking logically. His battery could be dead.
I hope you are both ok

SheIsStuck23 · 25/11/2023 07:56

Blimey OP,

I’d be somewhere between worried sick and fucking furious!!

I obviously don’t want him to be in hospital after an accident, but at the same time it means he’s incredibly selfish if that isn’t the case.

Wokeuptired · 25/11/2023 07:56

I would stay at home, once he is back then go to your mum's otherwise he might come in and go straight to bed.
He probably tried phoning because he was crashing out at a colleague's then drunk him thought he would call back in 5 minutes but crashed out because he drank to much or maybe the drink made him more drunk if he is on antibiotics.
My taking is, well drunk him tried to phone he did phone but you was in the shower.
Can you and your mum go to the Christmas market later.
I know you have been frantically worried but he did try so don't be too hard on him as it's hard to be kind when you have been put in the situation.
Enjoy your cuppa

onwardsup4 · 25/11/2023 07:57

SomeCatFromJapan · 25/11/2023 07:21

OP I'd be sick with worry. My ex used to do this and it was horrible. Please update when you hear something.

Me too. Even worse when it's out of character. Hope you're ok O.P I'd be contacting the people he was out with now

PatchworkElmer · 25/11/2023 07:59

I’d be frantic if this was DH. If he has just got drunk I’d be furious, especially as he knew you were waiting up due to the key situation. Hope he turns up soon!

IndecentFeminist · 25/11/2023 07:59

You mention a chest infection, is he on antibiotics? Those can react with alcohol and make you feel hammered really quickly. I'm sure he is sleeping it off somewhere, but the antibiotics could have caught him out meaning he didn't mean to get drunk etc

TheaBrandt · 25/11/2023 07:59

He’s more likely to be fine than not. I would be furious especially the not having a key part. He’s behaving like a shit teenager.

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 08:00

So I know it might sound a bit drastic but I rang 101 to see if there was a way of seeing if someone was arrested and they said no but they asked if I wanted to file a missing persons report

So I did, nothing to lose and it will put my mind at ease a bit...hopefully

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 25/11/2023 08:01

Just to add that one of DH’s friends did similar- his wife away to visit family and he just didn’t contact her for a week, or answer the phone. She put a post on social media asking if anyone knew where he was in the end! He’d left his phone at work and didn’t think to find a way of letting her know 🤦🏻‍♀️

SparklingSparkle · 25/11/2023 08:01

Its so stressful. I really feel for you.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 25/11/2023 08:01

As worrying as this is, likelihood he got drunk and is likely passed out at a colleagues house as it wasn't safe to make his way home alone. Am sure he will be in touch soon Flowers

DinkyDonkey2018 · 25/11/2023 08:02

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 08:00

So I know it might sound a bit drastic but I rang 101 to see if there was a way of seeing if someone was arrested and they said no but they asked if I wanted to file a missing persons report

So I did, nothing to lose and it will put my mind at ease a bit...hopefully

Well done. If it puts your mind at ease, then you did the right thing. He's been a total selfish twat but hopefully all you have to deal with is giving him a dressing down for his behaviour, and nothing more sinister. Fingers crossed you hear something in the next couple of hours when he wakes up.

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 08:03

@DinkyDonkey2018 thank you. The woman was really lovely and assured me it wasn't a waste of their time etc so that has made me feel a bit better.

OP posts: