Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Partner not come home freaking out and angry

821 replies

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:05

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. Sad I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

OP posts:
Autieangel · 25/11/2023 07:01

Sorry just realised time and seen rest of your posts. Yes really poor he's stayed out all night and not let you know.

blahblaheffingblah · 25/11/2023 07:04

Take your mum to the christmas market instead. He’s bee. really inconsiderate. He could have left a voicemail or text when you missed his call last night.

BigButtons · 25/11/2023 07:04

He will most likely call/ roll back in at some
point. Really crappy that he didn’t find some way of letting you know he was staying out.

LakieLady · 25/11/2023 07:06

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 06:55

I might consider doing this in a bit or hopefully they will be able to tell me if he's been arrested. Part of me hopes he has as at least he will be safe 😂

Show quote history

Tbh, OP, if something bad had happened, eg arrest or accident, you'd probably have heard from the police or hospital anyway.

That's why my money's on him having got so drunk that a friend had to take him home or he's fallen asleep on the train. And he may have lost his phone.

I bet he'll have a massive hangover when he gets home.

Bournetilly · 25/11/2023 07:08

It’s so rude not to let you know! My DH does the same and says he forgot to message, I don’t know how because I wouldn’t forget no matter how drunk I was. It’s just inconsiderate.

Ive stopped expecting a message now and if he comes home he comes home, if he stays out he stays out. I don’t worry anymore because there’s no point. Just make sure he takes his key next time then you’re not up worrying.

Fannyfiggs · 25/11/2023 07:13

I completely understand how you're feeling and it's awful. Even though you know he'll rock up at some point with his tail between his legs, it doesn't stop you worrying.

Try and keep yourself busy, see your mum and go to the Christmas market without him.

He's been very inconsiderate but it is a one off so try not to let it affect your relationship going forward.

wensleywhale · 25/11/2023 07:13

Ramalangadingdong · 25/11/2023 01:20

Omg I have just woken up and wish I hadn’t picked up my phone because now I am going to be up with you until he’s back. Where the hell is he?

What

AutumnNamechange · 25/11/2023 07:17

Do you have any contact details for the people he was out with?

Maray1967 · 25/11/2023 07:20

He’ll have stayed over at someone’s and was probably too drunk to text - not great, I know. He needs to face consequences though if he does this - I’d have locked up and gone to bed. If he reappeared at 3am very drunk, hammering on the door, I’d have dragged him in and bollocked him.

When he reappears, give him hell. Being that drunk is bloody stupid and he needs his arse kicking.

maybejustonemoretime · 25/11/2023 07:21

@AutumnNamechange great thinking, I wonder if the OP or the hundreds of other posters throughout the entire night might have thought of this 🤔

SomeCatFromJapan · 25/11/2023 07:21

OP I'd be sick with worry. My ex used to do this and it was horrible. Please update when you hear something.

youngestisapsycho · 25/11/2023 07:22

Hope he’s home soon… badly hungover and nothing more serious.

Maray1967 · 25/11/2023 07:24

I’d also do loads of noisy things through the day including hoovering right round where he’s sleeping - but I could well be described as extremely petty …

Seriously, getting very drunk to the point that you think the police might have had to deal with him would enrage me. I don’t put up with a DH who is behaving like he’s 19.

ALonelyRoad · 25/11/2023 07:25

Op, I wonder if he lost his phone which is why it’s ringing out. Have you got the find my IPhone app (or similar)? You can see where its last location is and set it to ‘lost’ if needed. If you’ve rang and he’s with a colleague, surely at least one of them would have heard it, if the phone is with him. Or maybe he put it on silent accidentally. If you do have the app, you could play that annoying dinging sound and see if he responds to that.

Wife2b · 25/11/2023 07:26

Oh gosh OP, sorry you’re going through this. I do hope he is ok and just crashed in a hotel/at his friends. Mind you there would be hell to pay if my other half did this, it takes two minutes to send a message. I hope he comes home with his tail between his legs and a grovelling apology for being so thoughtless.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 25/11/2023 07:29

If he was trying to ring you previously it sounds like he's lost his phone soon after.....

YellowDaisies321 · 25/11/2023 07:29

I hope you’re ok OP and that he comes home soon. I too would be worried and unable to sleep x

FloofCloud · 25/11/2023 07:30

I'd be really annoyed too but suspect he's got drunk and someone took him home with them to sleep it off

Pelham678 · 25/11/2023 07:31

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 06:54

Yeah I have noticed this and always felt so sorry for the people posting as it's hellish.

Why do so many people seem to think this is acceptable behaviour

Show quote history

It's not acceptable but maybe your level of anxiety is a bit excessive. I wouldn't think it was hellish. I might be a bit concerned but I wouldn't jump to accident, death etc. Tbh I would have just gone to bed and thought he would have to wake me up by ringing the bell when he got home.

Have you had some treatment for your anxiety? If not you may want to consider this as it seems to be really difficult for you. I hope your DH comes home soon (and you can give him hell!).

VisionsOfSplendour · 25/11/2023 07:33

Does he have a phone charger with him, I know you saiy his phone is still ringing but unless hed charged it at work it's surely going to run out of battery soon and hes not going to be able to contact you when he does aurface

Daffodil18 · 25/11/2023 07:37

If it’s out of character then you really should call the police on 101 and ask for advice. I mean it’s been 10 hours since he tried to contact you so I would be very worried by now.

SofiYol · 25/11/2023 07:37

If it’s really out of character I’d be worried too.

Do you know where the event was held? I think it’s time to start ringing round places/people to see if you can locate him.

Its ok people assuming he’s being selfish but you know him best and this really isn’t like him I’d be more concerned than angry right now.

Blondebutnotlegally · 25/11/2023 07:41

He will definitely have hangxiety. Drunk enough to temporarily disappear! I'd be anxious crawling home to my husband with my tail between my legs 😂

Coatscoatscoast · 25/11/2023 07:41

I was thinking you were worrying unnecessarily up until about 2.30am (plenty of us have gone out for a couple then decided we want to carry on) but all night is concerning. That said, if he knew you would have to let him in perhaps he decided to stay with a friend to avoid waking you. Not letting you know is poor form though, especially if he knows you worry like this. But drunken logic is a stupid thing sometimes!

WinchSparkle80 · 25/11/2023 07:42

Hope you are ok @annabel586 I am guessing he has lost his phone.

Does he have a wallet or does he use his phone for paying for everything? This can be a problem if you lose your phone.

He might be kipping at a friends who can help him get home this morning.

Hopefully he will be alright for Christmas Market later.