Partner not come home freaking out and angry

[annabel586]

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

You don't need to update any more OP. If you're looking for support for leaving the relationship then a thread about drunk driving in AIBU isn't the place for it. Focus on your RL.

I agree. As usual people here are applying their sentiments to someone they don't know or care about. Don't take their claims or advice too seriously. None of them would really divorce a husband they otherwise love over this...but because it's your husband it's easy to say they would.

He’s a silly sod for going out w/o his keys so that’s you have to let him in at god knows what time and can’t sleep properly. I don’t get what adult would do that.

Not your problem- she can look after him all he likes! Why she thinks you’d want to stay with someone who drink drives is a mystery. What an absolute loser. Surely he and his mother can’t expect you to want to continue the relationship!

Also...this thread is just going to trail on and on about what a piece of shit he is as everyone puts their already-been-said tuppence worth in.
Then they'll turn on you for not promising to see a lawyer at 9am on Monday morning to start the divorce proceedings. It'll soon somehow be your failing too.
Can't see how that's going to soothe you any.

That's not true. Drunk drivers are held until their alcohol/breath level is below the legal limit for driving. Depending on how drunk he was (very, by the sound of it), this could well be several hours.

Perfectly normal here in Spain for breakfast. Just saying..

Not sure why people are talking about divorce? OP isn't married to this fuckwit fortunately, and there has been no mention of DC. Aside from any possible complications if they own together or have a joint tenancy, she can just move on.

The mother is probably panicking thinking about the potential ramifications on her life OP. Will he have to live with her/her other DS, will they be the ones having to drive him around or subsidise him if he loses his job...

I would start getting practical once the shock has worn off. If he is likely to lose his job, what is the situation with regards to mortgage or tenancy?

Condescending to an adult woman. She can drink whatever she bloody well likes.

I am so sorry @annabel586

Your Spidey senses were obviously working last night.

What an absolute prat your DP was. Thank god no one was killed, hopefully no-one was injured either.

You don't have to make any decisions about anything today. Take it easy. Reflect on what you want and if you want him to be a part of it. I do know a few people where their drink driving conviction has been the making of them. I also have known it go the other way. Completely comes down to the character of the person

@annabel586

I had a drink driving conviction about 13 years ago, and it was a turning point. My partner stayed with me. I’d just been through a failed IVF treatment and was at an all time low. I could have killed someone.
I lost my licence for 18 months, kept my job although I had to tell them, had to cycle to work or catch the train.
I now rarely drink, after 11 years it was not on my DBS (although I think it may now be filtered earlier than that), and the cycling got me fit which I think helped with successful IVF about a year later.
I was in such a mess when it happened that I don’t think I would have contacted DP, and I remembered the absolute shame of telling him. I gave him the choice to end our relationship - but he stayed with me.

“I’m sorry, MIL, but I don’t care how ‘down’ he is. He’s a complete fool/prick/cunt who is lucky he’s only trashed someone’s car. He could have killed them. He deserves a whole lot more than feeling ‘down’.”

Do not be guilt tripped by his mother. Give yourself time to come to terms about what has happened and what this means for you, not him, moving forward.

Well done, OP. This isn't a 'poor him' situation in the slightest.

He's been a selfish mindless twunt and that blow does not need to be softened.

As for all of the people who were having a go at you for worrying, I can only assume they are married to the kind of div who does such things regularly and think it's normal. It's NOT!!

Also his mother messaging me worried about how down he will be and how we should all support him 🙄 is not helping

wtf

he could have killed someones son or daughter last night, yet she thinks her son might be feeling down

My mate recently got caught Drink driving, blew 134, instant prison whilst waiting for a second court hearing in February

I'd be absolutely furious not only at the idiot drink driving but him not having you informed. He should have had the Police inform you. He must have known you'd be worried sick.

@Rollawaythestone I've definitely released people after they've been breathalysed and blown over- hrs been in a long time for that offence alone

I understand his DMs message. She is probably very concerned after seeing him respond and completely unaware of the consequences on you last night, also potentially unaware of the damage he caused - If he can drink drive, he can lie.

Has he tried to contact you?

I asked DP if he would leave me if I drunk drove. He said no because he knows sometimes people fall down but he would give me what for. I can't say if I would leave him. I'd be so mad but I know he isn't that kind of person so would likely put it as a one off but we've been together for most of our lives now with a house and children. Don't let anyone here tell you they would leave, it's irrelevant. You need time to figure it out. You may stay and later the crack is too big. Take your time.

Excellent response to his mother.

I take it you are not married?

If not and there isn't shared property, I would be seriously looking to your own future.

Pack up and go home to your family.

This will have ramifications for quite a while.

His job?
You being his chauffeur?? Screw that.

You deserve so much better.

Think solely of yourself.

You rid yourself of one arsehole and now have found a second on your hands.

You absolutely deserve so much better.

Don't let this be your life.

Christ, his mother must be wearing blinkers so large they are visible from space.

He could have killed himself and others. He's trashed someone's car (and presumably his own). She's worried he might be "down"?? As he bloody should be, the irresponsible git.

to you, OP, after your stressful overnight and shock today. Enjoy your Chinese.

It would be it for me, close friend was struck down by drunk driver, feel for you op

how long have you been with him?

please say no children involved?

all those so horrified and aghast at the mother’s worry

My son could do far far far worse than this (despite it being absolutely awful), and i would still be very worried about him

This

Take your time to reflect on how you feel, not how he feels, or his mum. Just you for now.. At the very least give it a couple of days and see how he reflects/reacts etc.