Partner not come home freaking out and angry

[annabel586]

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

I've seen approximately a million of these threads in my years on MN. 99% of the time they turn up by the next afternoon, hungover and either sullen or sheepish. 1% of the time they've started a stupid fight or done something fucking dumb and been treated to a night in the cells to sleep it off. Never, ever had they come to genuine harm.

It's shitty behaviour and I do understand your upset, but try not to worry. If he were in the hospital or dead, you'd have been called already. Just try to take care of yourself until he turns up.

Can you contact the venue he went to? They might have a phone number for whoever booked the party in, if you explained your husband is missing from it they may be able to contact the booker and see if they can pass on their details to you? Though they may not be open yet. Hopefully he’s just waking up at a friends with some severe regret and wondering where his night went. I’d be very worried too OP because my ex used to do things like this too, but if this guy doesn’t have form for it he’s probably fine, fingers crossed!

It’s still very early.
He probably didn’t go to bed until the early hours.

I’d give it an hour and then if there’s no word from him to try texting his colleagues.

If you voice call on WhatsApp it will ring even if his phone battery is dead, I think. Have you tried a normal voice call?

Not trying to catastrophise but have you called local hospitals in case he was admitted intoxicated?

I would also be really worried. I mean likelihood is he had a lot to drink and has stayed over at someone's house but even so he could have let you know.

@MrsW2015 but it hasn’t been 24 hours…..

OP I’m so sorry this must be so stressful. I was reading your updates fully expecting him to rock up at 6am saying he’d missed the last train home. Keep us updated, hope he is ok and hope you are ok too.

Goodness. I’ve been following this all last night and this morning, OP. You must be absolutely beside yourself. Keep strong and remember the most likely explanation is most likely the correct one – he’s passed out somewhere and/or lost his phone. He certainly wouldn’t be the person to do this and leave their spouse hand-wringing at home.

We’re all here for support until you hear from him, because I’m sure you will.

Totally agree!

There will be at least a dozen more of these threads in the next few weeks.

The men invariably turn up having spent a weeks wages on coke/got into a fight and spent night in cells/hooked up with some woman/so drunk they couldn’t get home.

None of these options would be acceptable for me in a partner, but my standards are high. What really pisses me off is reading how angry these entitled men become when challenged on their shitty selfish behaviour.

I would call hospital, venue and then any colleagues with him last night. He's been gone overnight so he must be somewhere.

I’ve been following this last night and when I got up this morning I thought of you and just wanted to check in to see if there is any news. We are all here for you x

Well seeing as everyone is telling OP that he’s lost his phone or his phone is dead then I guess that option is out.

I just really feel sorry for OP when everyone is belittling her feelings like this. It is 100% normal to feel worried on these situations, I would be exactly the same.

What OP needs is support not being told she’s being ridiculous.

OP : ultimately you know your DH. All the people who are saying you are being OTT are basing it on either the type of partner they have, or the type of behaviour they are willing to accept from their own partner. Don’t let them belittle your feelings, go with your gut instincts and take whatever action you feel is appropriate based on what is typical for your DH and your relationship.

That's quite a suggestion.
Can you imagine your company director getting a mobile call on a Saturday morning because one of their employees hasn't got home after a night out?

Especially if he's just had a lot to drink and is asleep at a mate's house

Until he does

This. Or what about his social média? Or the people he was with social media?

Never ceases to amaze me how low the bar is set for some people on here.

Accusing the OP of being hysterical/angry because her partner has so little respect for her that he expects her to stay up al night in case he comes home as he doesn’t have his keys, and doesn’t even have the consideration to ring her. And there is 0 excuse for not calling or texting. None. You don’t just go from sober one minute to passed out the next. You know if you’re going on somewhere else,and you let your partner know. He called twice, therefore he was capable of leaving a message and didn’t.

OP I would pack his bags and throw the fucker out. Genuinely.

I would be suspicious that he took his car keys but not his house keys. Makes it look premeditated.

He will come crawling back claiming his phone was out of battery and he couldn’t come home because he didn’t want to wake you up.

If my partner was missing, I would absolutely do this.

So sorry to hear he’s not home.

I think the idea of going to your mum is a good one. Much better to be with her than at home stewing. She can support and distract you, maybe even you can have a nap at hers.

Being at home when he comes back in a wretched state won’t be good for either of you.

He’s probably drunk far too much, lost his phone and crashed at a colleague’s house. Not messaging you is awful, but hopefully he’ll come back soon and you can talk calmly later.

Shockingly @wensleywhale, not every man out there is a complete bellend. My DF has never done this. My DB has never done this. And quite frankly pigs would fly to New York before my DP would, and if I thought otherwise I wouldn't waste my time being with him.
Just because there ARE twats out there doesn't mean they are all twats, and the men in my life are decent human beings.

Good point. Don’t most people have their house key on the same keyring as their car keys?

As a senior manager I'd be fine with this. The company has a duty of care to employees and will want to know they are okay as well.

if he’s a John Doe, that won’t be known when she calls either, the hospital will call the police and she’s told the police.

I agree. Or they have a very low bar.

@annabel586 I hope he turns up soon, and I'm sorry you have had some shitty replies from posters who find this kind of behaviour acceptable.