I really like a colleague but I'm not single

[Kelly099]

And I'm aware of how horrible this is. Fortunately I don't see him all the time due to hybrid working patterns, and I never communicate with him outside work, nor do I ever flirt in any way.
I've been in a relationship/living together for a few years now and I'm in my 30s, it's the usual story of he's not ready to commit.
We've had a few conversations about it over the last 1.5 years. I admit I tried to tie him down to a wedding date because I was sick of it all being so vague.
I asked him if I was his 'one' and he said 'I think so'. We also can't agree on the right circumstances to have children sadly. He doesn't think that 50k joint salary is sufficient, I do, and I'm doing a lot of overtime to save, we don't have a lot of debt etc.
Anyway after yet another conversation in which he'd changed his mind yet again and admitted his hesitancy, and after a week of insomnia and no appetite, I packed my bags and found another place to live.
It was so hard to get the words out and I felt like the biggest monster on the planet but I told him I had to leave. He was begging me not to go, and I said, please, I'm in my 30s, it's not fair to keep me if you're not 100% sure, please let me go.
He then told me he'd been planning to propose next year. He left for work and I had a day of thinking it over. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and stayed. Things have been good between us but I'm scared he just said that to stall things. He says he wants to propose to me, I wasn't bothered about a proposal at all and would happily just book a registry office.
Anyway.. yeah, the bloke at work is lovely and seems to have similar values. He's aware I'm in a relationship and I know he's single atm (heard him tell someone).
I'll probably end up with neither man which will be what I deserve. I think affairs of any sort are horrid. Equally, I feel like it'd be rubbish of me to leave my partner and then tell this other guy I like him. You can't have your cake and eat it. I'm just scared that my current partner won't actually propose next year, and I feel so guilty about the other man even though nothing will happen. I'm so lost.

I think this is a sign for you to leave regardless of the crush OP. I’ve been in a similar situation, I’m no longer with either man but married to an even better one.

Never reach over 50k joint? Surely this depends on both partners' jobs, you can't know this now. You could be with a different partner on a much higher salary than your current partner and easily go over 50k joint.

If he wanted to propose he would have done it. It sounds like you're hanging on to him for fear of being alone...

It sounds harsh but leave him. You'll both be happier.

The grass is always greener on the other side so I wouldn't leave your partner to jump into something with your colleague.

However I don't feel like the colleague is the issue here. If you were happy in your relationship, you wouldn't be feeling the way you do about this other person.
You're not unreasonable to have feelings for someone else, you can't control that but you have to fix the situation before anything happens between you.
You either need to fix your current relationship to the point where you're happy together or you need to end it and ultimately move on.

Totally agree

I would leave your partner and tell him if he wants you back you will only consider it if he proposes but be actively dating in the meantime. Then see how things go with the colleague.

I've seen this so many times

OP, time to take control of your own destiny. You are "Miss Right for now". No one should marry unless they really want to. But hus behaviour is telling you that he doesn't want to marry you. What you do with that info is up to you

brutal honesty, he begged you to stay because you facilitate his current lifestyle/the status quo.

If you were his be all, special person, significant other etc he would have proposed a joint future together, not a dangling turd of a carrot. He knows now you’ll wait for platitudes and promises.

The man doesn’t respect you. He didn’t respect you before you packed your bag and he certainly doesn’t since you emptied your bags and put his dirty socks in the washing, rolling over for the promise of maybe tomorrow.

Value yourself. Are you legally on the tenancy? Who told you you’re a secondary citizen in this world? A passenger to appease others in your own life? Please value and respect yourself, it’s the longest relationship you’ll ever have, show yourself the love you’re deserving of.

Your partner isn't going to propose. If he was, he would have done it by now. There no need for grand gestures, he just needs to ask you a question. It doesn't need planning.

@Kelly099 Reading all of your comments on one go was a bit of an eye opener.
He won't move and improve your quality of life
He goes out with other women socially
He is disrespectful of you
He doesn't know of your the one
He won't commit to marriage
Only when you leave does he say that he's been talking to family and friends about proposing next year!!!

Did I miss anything?

100% this! ⬆️ Great advice.

He's stringing you along & you're projecting your feelings elsewhere.

Ditch him & focus on YOU for a while - you deserve better & you're still young so have plenty of time to find it.

Devils advocate, my husband did plan the proposal for over a year to save up for a ring he needed that time.

If your partner wanted to marry you he would. It’s that simple - there are no set timelines, deadlines, or anything else. If he wanted to propose why would he bother waiting until next year when he could do it right now. He could even wait until the weekend and take you on a romantic walk and propose then if he wanted to make a special occasion out of it. He’s future faking because he likes you and enjoys spending time with you, and it’s easy. You make his life more pleasant. But that man will not marry you.

You know your partner is not the one for you. As a woman who wants children, you should know him stalling on having children shows his level of respect for your wants and needs.

Life is short, sod Christmas especially as there is no children- rip the bandaid off and go find someone who does want to marry and have children with you.

This was me too really. And now I'm divorced. Also don't be me.