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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to Christmas do due to this?

263 replies

KeiraKnightley2 · 23/11/2023 21:36

I work in the private sector. Me and the one other person who lives a 1.5 hour commute away either get a taxi home after or a hotel stay. I've done both.

This year I asked for a taxi and at first they said yes. The next day I received an email saying budgets this year wouldn't stretch to it so it isn't possible. So I'll need to travel in and I won't be able to relax because then I need to worry about travelling back again.

The trains are hellish enough just now never mind the week before Christmas. In all honesty I've been struggling lately due to a bereavement last month but thought at least I can show face then have the taxi home.

There's always the feeling you need to be seen going to these things. Would you suck it up even if it's pretty crap?

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/11/2023 22:50

Is there no-one in your workplace who would offer you a room at theirs for the night ?

zurala · 23/11/2023 22:55

Could you drive in that day so you can drive home?

TitsInAbsentia · 23/11/2023 22:56

We don't even get anything for Christmas this year so no dilemma for me. But if there were, why should work pay for taxis for people who have chose to live further away, especially if those closer weren't getting taxis anyway?

Pippa12 · 23/11/2023 23:00

Just say you can’t afford the taxi?

Im always fascinated reading threads about Xmas parties. I’m a nurse, it’s £65 for the ticket for the doo and nobody gives two shits how I get home. It’s all self funded- not even a drink!

The real pearler is when you pay your deposit then it’s deemed your ‘turn’ to work and you loose it!

It must be nice to feel so appreciated, even if it does seem a ball ache to most.

cardibach · 23/11/2023 23:02

theduchessofspork · 23/11/2023 22:34

It’s completely normal for employers to do this - not to be nice especially, but because they think being there is part of your job.

Edited

Being at work day to day is definitely part of your job. They don’t pay for travel for that.
Honestly, all the people who go on about how cushy the public sector is forget things like this. No paid for dos, no paid for travel/accommodation…

ReadingSoManyThreads · 23/11/2023 23:04

I wouldn't go. Spend enough time with people at work, Christmas Do's are like being in hell for me!

Zwicky · 23/11/2023 23:05

Can’t you just go for a couple of hours and get your usual train? Will they pay for a taxi from the venue to the train station if it’s further from work? The 3pm start is awkward because presumably that is within your working hours.

Guesswho88 · 23/11/2023 23:16

No I just wouldn't go.

LimePi · 23/11/2023 23:32

I work in the private sector and I wouldn’t expect it! Its your choice to live that far away. Pay for taxi or hotel yourself…

Ger1atricMillennial · 24/11/2023 00:08

Wake up with a migraine in the morning.

Willyoujustbequiet · 24/11/2023 00:17

In the public sector (law) I couldn't even get a new biro without handing in my old one let alone a hotel and lengthy taxi paid.

How the other half live.

Tiiredofthiss · 24/11/2023 00:48

I've never worked anywhere where employers covered taxis/hotels for work parties, but I think you're reasonable to skip it rather than pay for your own taxi/hotel or be worried about travelling back late

BreadInCaptivity · 24/11/2023 00:51

I think part of the problem with these events is that to some they are seen as a perk and to others they are a tortuous summons that has to be endured.

A lot of people would be upset if they were cancelled and an equal number relived.

I've worked both private and public sector and in the former there are some very lavish Christmas events with hotels/taxis the norm for staff who lived outside a "reasonable" radius from the venue. Or in a few cases where the event itself was remote and hotel accommodation was for all (plus free food and drink).

In the public sector it's very different- as it should be imho when effectively spending from the public purse. Pretty low key events sometimes partially subsidised but most often self funded.

In the current economic climate it's an easy win for Christmas event to take a hit in the private sector.

What's interesting is how that's managed and where the cuts are made.

Personally I'd rather see savings made to the venue and entertainment rather than a change in policy that means some people who want to can't attend.

However my biggest grip in both sectors is an expectation of attendance.

The idea that choosing not to attend these events (especially when you are paying for the "privilege" in full or in part) is a black mark against you is ridiculous.

I've spent years gritting my teeth and going to events I don't enjoy (for clarity this isn't about the people I've worked with, I just don't enjoy these types of events - even the most lavish private sector ones).

But in the last 5 years I've just stopped and if pressed make a trite excuse - other previous plans that can't be undone. It hasn't impacted my standing at work and I know other people who feel as I do who are now doing similarly (I think post pandemic has had an impact here).

Grimchmas · 24/11/2023 00:57

Just go to the office to work that day, go for drinks at 3 and slip away around 5 ish to get a decent train home - or drive in, or whatever makes it easier. You'll have paid your once a year dues without taxing yourself too much.

(Says the public sector worker who is avoiding replying to the tone deaf email about a Xmas party that literally nobody wants to go to.)

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 24/11/2023 01:09

If you are already getting the train in on your mandatory day in the office, I don't understand why you're saying you can't cope doing it for a second day asa one off? As someone who does a 4hr round trip commute 2/3 times a week, to me it seems like a lot of fuss over nothing.

AliceOlive · 24/11/2023 02:14

I don’t think you should force yourself to do things like this while your grieving.

coxesorangepippin · 24/11/2023 02:16

I'm invited to one but won't be going because of the exact same problem you have

It's just not worth the hassle

LadyPenelope68 · 24/11/2023 02:17

DietrichandDiMaggio · 23/11/2023 21:55

I can't believe that anyone would expect employers to pay for a taxi or a hotel to enable staff to go to the Christmas party. It's not their fault that you live that far away from where you work, is it?

This exactly! I’ve never did or known anyone where work pay for a taxi to get you home from a Christmas Do, it’s bonkers.

KeiraKnightley2 · 24/11/2023 02:19

@Pumpkinspicelattetime it's different. On the mandatory day it takes 1.5-2 hours to get home, it's a long and tiring day. Yesterday I had to stand for the journey because the trains are so crap ATM.

The last two years I've been able to relax and genuinely enjoy the evening with colleagues. I won't be doing that this year, that's for sure.

OP posts:
LadyB49 · 24/11/2023 03:23

Could a work colleague who lives nearby give you a bed for the night.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 24/11/2023 03:27

I’m not going to ours for similar reasons. Screw it.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 24/11/2023 04:45

Could you and colleague (if female) offer to share a hotel room? Or just take your car and don’t drink?

Unfortunately they are not required to say yes and there may be cost cutting measures going on.

FFSNHS · 24/11/2023 05:04

KeiraKnightley2 · 23/11/2023 21:49

No @SgtJuneAckland - I had a hotel last year and taxi the year before that. They've said they'll offer neither to me or my colleague.

I've already expressed my disappointment to the person organizing who I get along with, so I don't think I'll get away with an excuse now.

Jesus how bad are the budgets that they can't stretch to two taxis so we can enjoy our night? We work bloody hard year round.

A 1.5h taxi ride late at night is going to be well over £120. Might be a works do but that doesn't mean they have to pay for your travel.

If you want to go to a party pay for your own travel!!

Shoxfordian · 24/11/2023 05:13

It's your choice to live far away from the office so I would just get a train at 7pm or pay for a cab myself if I were you

YireosDodeAver · 24/11/2023 05:24

I had a job which was an hour's commute away a few years ago. Never occurred to me that the employer would pay anything to enable me to attend the Christmas do.
I would generally either leave early enough to be ok with using public transport home (nothing wrong with trains and buses at 8pm) or one of my local colleagues would always offer me a guest room in their home, which I would accept if I was in the mood to stay and party late (though most years I was happier leaving early)