AIBU feeling like his mum.

[Whatintheworldgirl]

I've (F30) been with my partner(M28) for two years. He was so romantic and loving and thoughtful when we got together. I had never experienced such effort. That only lasted a month or so though and since then I've been desperately praying it'll come back. I'll do things daily to try and show him love and support. I get up and make him his coffee every morning. I then wake him up. Make him his lunch for work with love notes. Clean the house and cook the dinners. Fund his vaping and give him massages. I treat him to gifts all the time and do my best to build him up.

Now I'm not silly, I know no ones is perfect and I've been quite poorly for over a year so I've lost a lot of weight and I don't 'dress up' all the time so I can understand if he's not feeling sexually physical towards me all the time but its always me who has to 'seduce' him. Make the effort to dress up. I bathe and shave and exfoliate every single day. He doesn't even shower anymore. I'm lucky if he does once a week. He doesn't show me any attention, he's just on his laptop working all the time. He's a jeweller so he's chatting to clients. I don't want to be a bitch and ask for attention even know in all honestly I'd like even just a little bit but perhaps I'm at the point where i need to just walk away. He lives in my house so perhaps it's time for me to ask him to go back to his mums. Would you be bothered with this behaviour? Or do I sound like a brat?

The first month was a lie. He has spent 2 years showing you who he really is.

This is no way to live OP

I suggest you work on your self esteem and confidence, so that you genuinely believe that you deserve to be treated well

You are worth so much more.

If you were my daughter or friend this is what I’d be saying. Don’t waste a second more of your time on this creep. He could only keep up a pretence for a month and has been trying to show you who he really is since. Get as angry at how he’s treated you as we all are here reading your posts. You deserve far better than this.

Have a friend or family member there when you kick his sorry, smelly arse out. Change the locks and hope that when he said you’d never see him again, that he meant it.

He’s a sorry excuse for a man.

You deserve so much better OP. Please know your worth. This is NOT your fault in any way. Get him out of your house, work on building up your self esteem. And only once you know your own value, think about meeting someone who is worthy of you.

Stay strong ❤️

So basically you tried to have an adult conversation about ut, he has said tough shit, get over it and carried on.....

Tell him he can leave at the weekend, get some friends over or your mum and dad to be with you while he leaves.

Don't let him bully you

🚩🚩🚩cocklodger alert 🚩🚩🚩
He only made the effort for a month!?
Ask him to move out as its no longer working for you.
Find someone better.

He doesn’t love you

My darling, NONE of this is your fault.

Kick that manchild out of your home, so hard and so fast that he needs to hold onto his balls to stop himself from turning inside out.

Shut the door and enjoy the rest of your life 💕

Oh, OP. You landed yourself a genuine narcissistic shitbag of the highest order. He lovebombed you for a few weeks, and very sadly it worked.

Please leave him. Then do some hard work - therapy, books, self esteem courses - to discover why you value yourself so little that you'd actually seriously consider that his appalling behaviour might be your fault.

This is one of the saddest posts I’ve read for a bit. That a woman’s self esteem is so poor that one month of love bombing has created almost two years of servitude and desperation in the face of abuse and total disregard.

OP I hope this thread is showing you your worth. He truly no has redeeming qualities and no justification for his behaviour. This is abuse plain and simple.

Get him out
The find some help to build your self esteem so you Love yourself before you even contemplate another relationship.

Please get rid and go to counselling or if you can’t get rid yet please go to counselling- your self esteem is low and he continues to destroy you. You can also contact womens aid - he’s a deeply unpleasant abusive man AND he doesn’t love you - sorry but it’s true. I’m assuming you had an abusive childhood? Please seek help - you have done the right thing posting - you are worthy and have value - you’ve just never been told. 🌺🌺

Boot him out. I bet he hasn't given you any nice gifts, despite being a jeweller. He's an abusive cocklodger.

OP please please tell him to leave and call the police if he won’t go. He is using you because you provide for him. What’s worse is that when confronted he says such vile things, sits down ignores you and goes back to plying his XBOX. The audacity…

PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE. You cannot be with someone who has such little feeling for you. And please know he’s just projecting. You will find someone else, he probably won’t since he doesn’t like to wash himself.

He will use every manipulation tactic in the book. Turning against you, destroying your confidence (saying no one will want you etc) and he may try changing for a bit to trick you. Just know he won’t truly change.

He probably knows that he won’t be able to find better. Someone who puts up with his rubbish, feeds him and provides him a home.

You deserve soooo much better than to be with someone who doesn’t have positive intentions/feelings towards you.

This is such a sad post. I hope you will be OK. Would you consider starting a thread of your own about your situation? There are some very knowledgeable folk out there who might be able to give you support and signposts. You deserve better.

Sorry to derail.

He showers once a week? Get him gone.

If it's your house, tell him to leave. Change the locks if you have to.

The threats you'll never see him again are part of the script to make you too scared to kick him out. Don't let him win.

Think about it, it's impossible that the 1 nice month was his true self, and he is now "pretending" to be a slob for 1 year 11 months, it doesn't make sense.

You're not his mum you're his slave, I'm so sorry that you think you're not worth more than this. Don't let this unhappiness be your life, and please look into counselling.

You know you need to kick him out, and go cold turkey immediately. Now you've had the initial conversation, the longer you stay the more he'll convince you he should stay, and then it will get harder to leave.

It's going to hurt like a bitch I can empathise but keep good people close and invest in counselling and I believe you can do it! Change the locks, block all contact and be free of this loser!

One month. So he was 'nice' for 4.2% of your relationship.

He's made you feel like shit for the other 95.8%.

It's clear from your posts that you have very low self esteem.

Nothing will improve your self esteem as much as leaving this utter cunt and being the one to draw a line under the relationship.

I really hope you do

Tell him to leave. I can't even begin to unpick your self esteem and boundaries issues but life will be a lot nicer and more peaceful without him in it.

He sees you as his support human at best. What a disgrace he is.

Please do yourself a favour.

Please dont ask him to leave... TELL him!
And no he doesnt get a week to find other accommodation.... he is out NOW!
You now know what he is.... a nowt.
Dont let any man bring you down like this... in future they have to live UP to YOUR expectations... and if they dont..dump them. Do not invest until they prove their worth... and continue to prove it .. on a daily basis.
You can do this.

I think you need to look into (see someone) about why you're so desperate to please.

Everyone should be thoughtful of their partner but you seem to be reverting to the 1950s ideal wife. (Except for paying for things - she had no money! But please stop it!)

He's not nice and he doesn't care. He needs to be ditched. But you need to seek help before you find someone else

It's not you, it's him

Get him out of your house now OP. If you were my daughter I would come round and do it for you and I would kick his arse on the way out.
While he is on the X box, pack all his shit into bin liners and throw them out.

Tell him to fuck off. He can go back to mummy's. You deserve better. You need to work on yourself and get well. You will meet someone else who treats you so much better. Honestly, imagine a lifetime with this smelly, cocklodger, man child stinking up the place. He love bombed you. He's using you and now he wants to He a venomous abusive prick. Life is too short.

He found an everlasting, lucky fourleaved clover the day he met you didn’t he? He appreciates you so much he can’t even be bothered to shower?

You aren’t a fantasy substitute for his loving mother, you are a real life doormat he can ignore, walk over, sleep with and sponge off as he chooses. Get up off the floor , give yourself a shake and think about how you want to spend the next 50+ years of your life.