What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

Agree 100% although I'd probably go further and suggest if the children are unable to behave themselves at a restaurant or a public setting for that matter, should they even be in a restaurant? There are options, including teaching children table manners or hiring a baby sitter or even don't give an option of an ipad/phone in the first place.

We did. I was 9 when we went to live in Malaya, 11 when we came back. My brother 5 years younger than me. We ate out every Saturday with our parents, with no entertainment laid on at all. We even ate in the Raffles in Singapore.

This ^.

Sometimes I think just give the child something to keep them quiet.

Also, nobody knows what other activities the child has had through the day.

All these people judging, people might be judging you for something different which you won't know about. That's life.

I am only kidding @kittensss. 😀I well remember those early, difficult years of parenting. I have just got used to silent, sullen teens now.

Maybe although suggesting people are judgy and the alternative is to let children run around like brats doesn't really suggest it's about having a debate ...

It's taking them along to something that isn't centred around them. They also need to learn that not every single thing is entirely centred around their enjoyment.

No its not. Its not just them not always getting their favourite activity etc. Its bringing them along to something thats simply inappropriate for their age. Children are simply not old enough to sit at a table & engage with others socially for 2-3 hours. Its a maturity most people don't attain until post puberty, which is why historically children typically weren't expected to sit at table that long.

Why can't you just make some sacrifices while they are young? Some shorter meals they can manage, helping them get used to eating out, some big meals at home, some occasions where you use a babysitter and they stay home? It's not forever. You do sometimes have to put aside your own wants (such as catching up with your friends in restaurants - this is a want, not a need) while you have young children.

I really don't understand why a family can't sit round a table having a meal without an iPad being involved at all especially very young children. I just don't get it.

I just feel sorry for the children.

Thegoodbadandugly
They can - I do with my kids, regularly. No volouring etc either! But i don't expect them to sit at a restaurant table for 3 hours while I chat to my friends.

Like we don't make any sacrifices for them just because we take them to the occasional long lunch. That's absolutely ridiculous.

A lot of restaurants with a child menu provide colouring books and crayons.

Very quietly doesn’t exist. Headphones if you must or stay at home.

Also it makes the restaurant look a mess. I don’t want to go out for lunch or dinner at a crèche.

What do you think parents did before screens? Were you raised with a screen without which you couldn't behave in public?

We left them at home with a babysitter and had a nice adult meal without kids.

DD only went to family meals when she was young. I was a single parent, and if my family invited me out to a birthday dinner or whatever, a couple of times a year, then I went. DD was invited and I had no sitter anyway as they were all at the meal.

DD would colour in nicely for a while before food was served. This was quite fun and often the adults would help her colour in, or she would do a picture for them, so fully interacting with the adults. Nothing was allowed between courses as generally not enough time anyway, then nothing until after dessert was eaten. I wouldn't have her being glued to a tablet the entire evening.

Now as a teen, she is not allowed to be glued to her phone when out, unlike a lot of her friends. She doesn't walk around looking at it. She doesn't use it when eating. She doesn't play sound on it in public places. Unlike a lot of her friends who are permanently glued to their phones,

and then, if I wanted to sit and talk with my family for a while, DD would have her tablet and sit quietly and happy.

She was never allowed to run around and be noisy.

I made huge adjustments to my life after having a child, but I don't see that you have to forgo family nights out a few times a year just because somebody else thinks your child shouldn't be using their tablet.

As I said before, there was never any noise involved either.

The whole focus on child friendly only things and separating them from society in this way, doesn't sit well with me. It's not how children are raised in my culture.We bring them along to whatever we want to do AND do things solely for them too. ( we do more stuff solely for them of course ).

As a pp said, most cultures who feel this way don't rely on screens. They compromise. They accept that they may not get to fully focus on uninterrupted adult conversation, beccause they'll need to engage with and interact with the children present.

Your op gave the impression you were giving your children screens so that you didn't need to give them your attention and could focus on catching up with your friends.

The whole focus on child friendly only things and separating them from society in this way, doesn't sit well with me. It's not how children are raised in my culture.We bring them along to whatever we want to do AND do things solely for them too. ( we do more stuff solely for them of course ).

As a pp said, most cultures who feel this way don't rely on screens. They compromise. They accept that they may not get to fully focus on uninterrupted adult conversation, beccause they'll need to engage with and interact with the children present.

Your op gave the impression you were giving your children screens so that you didn't need to give them your attention and could focus on catching up with your friends.

The most annoying thing I’ve encountered in a restaurant was an adult FaceTiming someone and having a very long and loud conversation with that person for a considerable amount of time!

We used to let DS play on the iPad on silent if we went out for a meal in the evening on holiday.

We would just have spent the whole day together in the pool or on the beach doing a variety of activities together.

Dinner was later than DS was used to. We had the choice of a quick in and out, or a relaxing meal with wine whilst DS played Angry Birds for half an hour. He seems to have grown up ok and aged 17 is capable of sitting at the dinner table for an entire meal making conversation.

I don't care what people do with their DCs in restaurants as long as it isn't noisy and it doesn't involve them running around.

Like we don't make any sacrifices for them just because we take them to the occasional long lunch. That's absolutely ridiculous

Where did i say you made no sacrifices?
I didnt. What i asked is why you can't make any compromises or sacrifices while children are young, to avoid having them sat for 3 hours in a restaurant.

You are essentially saying that occasional long restaurant meal with friends is essential, and cannot possibly be swapped for a lovely long meal at home or a shorter meal. Why is it so important? Sometimes we do have to give up things we like because they don't work when we have young kids.

This x1000

I’m 30, so grew up with technology but didn’t have smart phones or iPads when I was a small child.

I wasn’t smacked by my parents. Nor was I terrified of them.

My 5 year old never had a screen. He could colour in, do jigsaws and talk to the adults. My 2 year old will start throwing everything in reach, get overwhelmed and cry and then not be able to eat. He will not stay in a seat or highchair and run away or hide under the table. He doesn't like colouring or jigsaws and is very shy so would not like the interaction either. There is a limit to his conversation skills as well. I am well aware of the judgement on screens but it would mean we cannot take him out and then his brother misses out. Its a snapshot of our family life and I don't always want to explain things. I just want to have a meal out with my family like everyone else and hope that over time he gets used to it and maybe enjoys it.

This is so old fashioned and what about when you are on holiday?

We eat out with children and posher restaurants without.

I always wonder if the children sat watching screens during a meal turn into adults that are glued to their phones during social situations?

I think that it is rude and always looks like the parents can’t be bothered to parent (parenting doesn’t mean smacking btw).

My kids are teens, the first ipad we bought was 2 years ago because we had to have one for school (it's a school issue one)
When they were small ipads were out of our budget and we generally had fairly basic phones so it's not something we've done when out for meals. When they were very young we either went out with extended family and someone could take them out for a walk, supervise them in a pub garden, look around etc if they got bored with books, toys, colouring or waiting for food....or we didn't go out! DH and I took them out once When they were 2 and 5. The 5 year old accidentally knocked a wine glass and smashed it and the 2 year old had a massive tantrum. Some people nearby asked to be moved. It was so mortifying we didn't go out again for about 2 years!!
Even now we all have smart phones we generally don't use them when out for a meal.

I don't think I'd notice what other people were doing unless it was annoying whether that's running about or volume of talking/screaming or screens.

Tbh (and I sound like such a miserable old cow) the people that annoy me the most are those pretending to listen to headphones quietly on the train but must have them on volume level 200 and you can hear the "second-hand" music from the headphones about 6 rows away on a train. It drives me insane! I think passengers showing their toddler Peppa pig videos or playing baby shark on repeat are marginally less annoying! 🤣