What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

I regard it as a bit selfish by the adults. There are some temporary sacrifices lifestyle wise that you just have to make when kids are young, and long dinners in restaurants are one of them. It essentially just means kind of ignoring your kid.

I can only speak for my own family but it depends on the child and what they can cope with. I've 2 autistic children. One of them will sit in a restaurant without a screen no problem but soon as they have finished eating they want to go to the car so we allow it. The other one relies on ipad so it's allowed . My 2 year old also on the pathway to diagnosis will not sit still and on the rare occasion we go out we bring a screen for them. This means we can sit and enjoy a meal and have some lovely conversation. Myself my husband and our 18 year old. I enjoy having a meal handed to me and it's a big treat. I be buzzing for days after if all goes well and we have no meltdowns. Never judge.

Sorry that you had abusive parents, must've been awful.

I can assure you though that there are lots of adults around who weren't abused like that and also managed to sit down for a meal without screens.

A lot of younger people have very poor conversation skills. It can't be a coincidence.

Also sound on quietly is the irritation equivalent of a mosquito in the room.

That's true. Our parents didn't take us for 3 hour lunches, simple as that. Family get togethers were at someone's house. Not always easy when nobody had a big house, but you made do and squashed in.

I couldn’t quite articulate why I (quietly) judge when I see kids out with iPads/phones, but I think this is it. They should be involved and present, but with screens they turn into tiny zombies with zero awareness of anything else. I admit to resorting to showing photos on my phone when out for a long-ish meal with tinies, but we were discussing what we could see etc. I’d never outwardly judge someone but I just find it a bit sad seeing young kids staring unblinking at screens when out in the big wide world!

😂🤣🤣

That's true. Our parents didn't take us for 3 hour lunches, simple as that. Family get togethers were at someone's house. Not always easy when nobody had a big house, but you made do and squashed in.

This!! There's a lot of selfishness now, parents of young kids who expect to spend quite a lot of their time outside work on adult socialising, rather than time for their children. I wonder if its people having kids later, we spend our twenties and thirties as DINKYs with plenty of spare money for lifestyle and then aren't willing to give it up when children arrive. Whereas my parents were basically pretty hard up until mid-late twenties, then once they hit slightly more comfortable finances had kids.

I was never ever taken for a 2-3 hour meal out until i was at least early teens.

My experience of "very quietly" is that it's actually very annoying.

I hate the noise, even the tinny, edge of your hearing noise of something being played aloud but quietly. I think it's deeply antisocial to play anything out loud on a device, no matter what age you are.

I don't use them myself, but I pick venues carefully when possible, carry a bag with a couple of table toys (beads and string, Scrabble-style letters, a handful of Duplo, little people etc), and plan to cut and run when necessary. I can see why people use them for long meals or particular children or occasions.

@kittensss - will you accept that the videos either have to be silent or listened to with headphones? As a number of people have said videos played quietly is irritating to other people.

Yeah I don't think it's selfish but I can see how you could see it that way. A lunch out once in a blue moon or an activity where at some points not all the focus is on the children is actually healthy for them in my opinion.

Pretty much everything we do is about them and ' child friendly ' ( I hate that term ). For me, children should slot into our lives and what we want to do on occasion. Even if that means they are left to entertain themselves for a bit.

The whole focus on child friendly only things and separating them from society in this way, doesn't sit well with me. It's not how children are raised in my culture. We bring them along to whatever we want to do AND do things solely for them too. ( we do more stuff solely for them of course ).

Yeah that's absolutely fine.

Headphones weren't recommended for young children when I had them and my grandchildren weren't allowed them at a young age either. They must have improved and become safer

Same. Don’t remember going to a restaurant until I went to my great grandmother’s wake at around 7 years old. I didn’t eat (see below) so was taken out for a packed lunch in between the funeral and the wake.

my family has an array of allergies and lived in a city that is renowned for lack of culinary adventure - there was a documentary about it and the arrival of peppers and aubergines in the 80s. Until the 2000s you had to call restaurants up before and they would decide if they were willing to have to eat there (which most said no, too risky/can’t possibly). I was a teenager by then.

I feel so sorry for children sitting looking at screens in restaurants. I'd rather interact with them.

No, not very quietly. Head phones or not at all. If I wanted to listen to kids tv I'd go to see my grand kids instead of going out to eat. It's AWFUL having to sit next to a family with 2-3 tablets blasting out YouTube crap and cartoons, it can actually be painfully overwhelming for people on the spectrum or with adhd etc. i know i really struggle with my daughter watching things on her phone while the tv is on and if somebody tries to talk to me my brain just can't keep up with the subs sources and I short circuit.

So I judge hard , not for them letting the tablet occupy the kids and becoming a a surrogate parent but for not using head phones.

Recent studies have shown that screen time changes the shape of children's brains.

It's also well known that former Apple CEO Steve Jobs, along with other tech leaders wouldn't let their kids have iPads etc and severely limited their screen time.

It's quite a big risk that a lot of people are taking with their children's development imo.

I understand how difficult it is for you to have a meal in peace when you are out but i would be pissed off and therefore judge if tablets are being playing loudly and i am at the next table. Like you i enjoy having a meal handed to me and if i am paying for the privilege i expect to enjoy my meal in peace, your meal doesn't trump mine just like my meal doesn't trump yours.

If there is no sound whatsoever then it's upto you! Low, quiet, turned down sound is still a very, very annoying noise I do not want. Just as I wouldn't place my whining dog or miaowing cat beside your table.

Nothing wrong with it as long as its not on super loud. Parents can relax, the kids aren't bored and everyone is happy. People that judge are bloody annoying.

The whole focus on child friendly only things and separating them from society in this way, doesn't sit well with me. It's not how children are raised in my culture. We bring them along to whatever we want to do AND do things solely for them too. ( we do more stuff solely for them of course ).
Who says children should always be separate from society though?

Which culture says it's important that children attend 3 hour long adult social events because it's good for them to attend, bad to separate them from society... Oh but here you go have a screen and don't get on our nerves whilst we have our adult catch-up because we don't fancy making some adjustments to our social life?

I know lots of people with different cultures and values where children joining adults at meal times is the norm. None of them stick screens in front of their children's faces for hours and act like it's teaching them something and doing other diners a favour (because otherwise the children will be badly behaved)

As pp said earlier, if your videos are silent or with headphones, I couldn't care less what other people's kids do. 20 ++ years of parenting, and I have absolutely lost interest in the shape of other children's brains.

I have to say I am sometimes irritated more by parents constantly talking to their kids on long train journeys. I often think "Oh god give little Tarquin your ipad instead of asking him what he thinks about every tree he sees!😀

@Lentilweaver haha I was on a train recently explaining things to my kids and just generally having chats with them ( as quietly as possible ) but I'm pretty sure we must have annoyed everyone there.