What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

My eldest is almost 12 and when he was little, he watched something on our phones when we were on meals out, for some of the time. We didn’t have anyone around us who could watch him, so it was either the boy and our phone, or stay in, because he would absolutely not have sat through a whole meal. Now that he’s older, he doesn’t require anything at all. It’s a short window.

my youngest is 4, and when we were on a holiday at the end of the summer, I noticed that she was finding the busy restaurants overwhelming, much like the other children. For each meal, I’d take colouring books and pens, some small toys, headphones for music and we had our phones for her to watch for a bit. Yes, there were some children who just ate and looked around, but mine did not. She will grow out of it.

I dont judge other people for doing that at all but personally I've avoided it with both of mine so far. All electronics are left at home if we go out, or are going in the car however long the journey, and if we go on holiday. I just did not want it to become and expectation and I wanted my kids to learn to tolerate boredom in other ways rather than sticking a screen in front of them. I also wanted them to be connecting with their real surroundings and in the moment. Its not actually that hard.. even with one of mine having ASD. They just don't have the expectation there will be electronics so they never ask for them (my eldest son has a tablet and a switch but he's only allowed it on weekends at specific times in the house it does not come anywhere with us outside of the house, he's 8 tho, he's had the tablet from age 6 and the switch from last birthday. My 5yo daughter has no devices and never has)
Its just a personal choice because basically I just couldn't tolerate having to tear my kids away from electronics all the time.. or having them not enjoying days out because they are constantly nagging for a screen. They actually play and talk to each other or adults. And we do go out to cafes and to dinner etc... they have just learnt how to keep themselves occupied in a non disruptive way. Same with car journeys. They just learnt to enjoy looking out of the window because there was never any expectation that they would be constantly entertained all the time. Of course when they were toddlers it was difficult for a while but it was worth it because now they know how to deal with their own boredom without relying on someone or something entertaining them.

@spiced apple
Good manners are ageless. They centre around people being considerate towards one another. Even before devices existed, it was STILL good manners for people - any age - not to annoy their fellows when out to lunch or dinner in a shared space such as a restaurant.

I'm another one whose parents had an active social life - and left us at home with a much-loved babysitter, as was the norm in those days. We knew our parents were out to lunch or to a dance or something, and rather enjoyed hearing about it afterwards - and also, in my case, helping my mother dress for the occasion. More than often, they'd bring us a litle treat when they returned, so the last thing we felt was excluded. We (belatedly) shared in the fun AND had lovely babysitter to play with.

I'm also old enough to remember going to 'grown up' meals, such as Sunday lunch - in eg France but also in the UK - where children were expected to attend and be part of the communal gathering. It was so nice - a linking of the generations. Certainly most of those events did not last for 3 hours as in the OP's post but they were not quickies, either. As far as I can recall, we brought a doll or a favourite stuffed toy, and the adults talked to us as well as each other. And we talked and giggled among ourselves, also. If we were really, really bored, we had to say 'Thank you very much for our nice lunch/tea/supper, please may we get down' (often all in one breath!) and then we went and sat somewhere quiet with a toy or puzzle or book. But, as previous poster said, these gatherings were mostly in friends' and families' homes, not in pubs - although I do remember teashops and lunchtime cafes.

But whatever the circs, the rule remains the same. For good manners, think of other people and the impact your behaviour might have on them. In a truly civilised society, they will do the same for you.

If your kids are watching YouTube, Peppa etc without headphones, then you are an utterly obnoxious moron ruining things for everyone else.
Otherwise, no problem. Devices at table are rude in the longer run but sometimes needs must and hopefully that'll be taught in due course.

Yep. Silent only.

I'm not bothered by what other people do with their children (within reason) and cant say I've noticed people doing it. I've seen children in buggies before with phones and I dont think it's any differenc to colouring in at the table. But since you brought it up, I do kinda thinks its lazy parenting, it's a way to distract the child so the adult can not been interrupted or bothered. I always treat my daughter like shes just a smaller person. I've always just talked to her and included her when out for a meal.

Someone (sorry - can’t find the relevant post) asked why watching videos is considered worse than reading a book. I don’t think there is a massive difference, but for me, the difference is that a book engages the imagination, but watching videos can be more passive - but that does depend on the video, of course.

I do think kids need to learn to cope without screens

Do they though? They’re not going to be without screens as adults.

You seem to assume that the anti restaurant screen time parents are 'judgy' but that's not always the case. I never let my kids watch a screen while eating out, not ever but I literally couldn't care less that you do. Live and let live.

I'm not sure I'd enjoy a meal out if all the other people on my table were watching a video with headphones on, though....

What, during a meal in a restaurant?

I think this is my stance. Unless you have the sound on, if it's high enough for your table to hear then other tables will be hearing it.

With headphones, so not disturbing other people, no problem whatsoever.

I work in a restaurant, i massively frown upon screens on the table and I do get the right to judge the parents that do because of my job ! What you describe it’s quite a rare case . I don’t often see families sitting with their children and engaging and them at the of the meal whip out iPads just to keep them entertained for half an hour. If that’s your case good for you you have found the right balance . What I judge are those families that come with babies so small
they can barely sit up on a high chair and plonk them in front of an iPhone with some your tube video , the whole meal , families where the mum and dad stare bored at their phone and each one of the kid has an iPad or a phone and nobody is talking to each other for the whole meal . The other day I served a table where they were all adults , clearly a family with grandparents and uncles and parents etc etc and just one kid of about 8 years old , I think somebody bothered drawing something with him the first 5 minutes then iPad out for the whole time , I felt so sad for him , nobody spoke to him for 2 solid hours . So yeah , what’s the bloody point of going out for a family deal ? Yes I have a toddler no I’m not talking about clearly exhausted parents in need of a break .

As long as I can’t hear what your children are watching, I don’t have enough energy to care what they’re doing.

Do whatever works for you. I’m minding my business as long as they’re not being little nuisances.

I don't care. However, your kid needs to use headphones so everyone else in the room is not subject to what ever your kid is watching.

Sounds like what I grew up with and what my family does now with our children.

It’s so important to equip them for civilised society.

Then again I see adults in restaurants gripped by their devices, or can’t go two minutes without whipping them out, so 🤷🏽‍♀️

If you can't talk to your kids for the duration of a meal then I find that a sad sign of the times. Either go on a couples' meal or fully include them. They can be good company if you ask enough questions.

How old are we talking about?

In the toddler years, it's often the only way to get through a meal (as for "What did parents use to do?" Well, mine say they just didn't take us to restaurants as it was hell).

But I think parents should progressively wean the kids off as they get older. With my almost 5yo, we will get through most of a meal without using screens, but if she's had enough and is just getting really restless towards the end, we'll put it on to buy us another 15 minutes of relaxation.

It's an issue when NT kids who are well into school age cannot sit at a table without videos though - and I think it's impacting kids' vocabulary and general knowledge, because they are not being exposed to adult conversation in the same way that they used to be. That I really do judge, sorry. It's also not helping kids to be cooperative and well-informed school students. They do gradually need to learn to sit still for a bit, to behave when asked, to listen to adults talking. Otherwise it's not setting them up well for the future.

I'm not keen on books at the table either - it's the same issue of having someone completely separate from the communal activity of eating together. I was never allowed to read at the table (in the pre-screen era).

Colouring/drawing is a bit different. You can talk to a child while they are colouring or ask them what they are drawing - it's far more of an interactive set-up.

You say of course, but unfortunately when I have encountered this, there have never been headphones.

Why is taking your kids somewhere where they’ll be bored out of their minds after an hour so have to mindlessly watch drivel on a device ‘good for them’? It’s teaching them that the grow ups can’t be arsed engaging with them for more than 5 minutes. It’s teaching them to be seen but not heard. It’s teaching them that they come second place to their parent’s friends.
what you could have done would have been to all enjoy your meal, and once the children started to get bored / whiny / want attention, leave, go to the park and let the kids have a run around. You can still chat to your mates whilst pushing a toddler on a swing!

This.

You see, that’s why you’re in the wrong.

I agree.

My 7yo needed an iPad now and again when he was a toddler until about 4yo if we were at a busy restaurant for longer than an hour - we allowed this (not for the whole meal, and we did also bring colouring and other games to try first). He's now 7yo and doesn't use a tablet at restaurants at all. We can take him on city breaks to lovely restaurants and he behaves fine. Last week he did get a bit bored at a family function and so he read his Harry Potter book instead for a bit of downtime, before joining back in with the chat. I don't feel I've fundamentally damaged him by allowing the tablet once in while when out for dinner and he seems to have developed perfectly fine table manners. I honestly think its just something that comes with maturity - as they get older they enjoy and can behave for longer periods. It's hardly like they're all on tablets for every meal of their childhoods - it's just once in a while at a restaurant.

My 2yo is a rather boisterous toddler and we offer him the tablet when he gets fractious at restaurants now too. I don't expect it to cause lasting damage (he has no access to tablets other than these times) and I expect by around 5-6yo he will be fine to sit with us and chat for a few hours over a nice meal. He's just not quite there yet as he's still so little.