What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

defi headphones but I think when the food comes out the phone needs to go off while they eat. I work part time in a restaurant and we often watch the kid putting one chip in every 5 minutes whilst far away in Tv/gaming land. It’s so antisocial too. Let them put it back on after they’ve eaten a meal

I just read -That's Sad! with an Alan Partridge voice to make the comments more amusing.

OP, I wouldn't worry about people judging. If they aren't judging you they'll be judging someone else.

I agree with you. No screens when they are eating.

Earlier generations, including my own (I’m 30) were expected to sit at the table with, at most, a colouring book for entertainment.

Children naturally grow out of activities like colouring books. They don’t naturally grow out of being entertained by a screen.

In my opinion, normalising screen time in restaurants is likely to result in a generation where a higher proportion of adults use phones / screens in restaurants and don’t think it’s rude. It prevents children from learning social expectations around being present and participating in group meals without external entertainment, and they are then unlikely to grasp those behaviours in adulthood. There is a reason “good behaviours” are taught from a young age, not magically expected at 18.

I never used screens to entertain my children for meals out, car journeys, flights etc. They talked, coloured, had activity books, played cards, naughts and crosses, etc. I wouldnt expect a young child to manage a 3 hour meal so we didnt do it. We left meals early if the children were misbehaving, which did occasionally happen. They are really well behaved now, rarely use screens, my 12 year old doesnt even have a phone or tablet.
My DD (15) is on work experience and all adults she has engaged with have commented on how sociable she is compared to her peers. They have said they have children in who dont know how to communicate properly and who are addicted to their phones. I really feel for this generation and the next as they are not being taught basic skills, it is going to be a massive problem.

I think it’s much more common for children to be taken out for family meals as pubs have changed to be food orientated. I hate this type of fake nostalgia for times when children were just seen and not heard, the Elysian days of wonderful parenting. Have you read any of the threads on here from posters whose parents left them home alone or in pub car parks?

Your attempt to specify exactly what is acceptable background noise is so uptight, do you take a decibel reading of any music playing too? Go out, relax, have a nice time

Nothing worse than hearing the squeaky voices on those videos though. Oh wait seeing kids eating with their fingers!...

Missingmyusernane, headphones don't damage hearing, unless of course turned up too loudly. If you are worried about their hearing, could you just turn the volume off all together? Or better still, something other than a screen.

Kayos10, I'm not sure anyone's 'damning' kids who aren't disturbing others with devices, it's not a binary choice

We recently had a meal at a very nice and popular restaurant. It was quite pricey so was a treat for us as a family. I was quite surprised to see every child from baby to teen there on screens. I'm not against screens in restaurants but I was surprised given that this was a dining experience and these children did not seem to get involved or join in the conversations at all. There was a couple of families who even the adults were glued to a screen throughout. No conversation or enjoying the atmosphere just all heads down staring at the screen.
My dc were honestly the only ones not allowed to their screens at that time. It not because I'm a better parent it's because we had booked this meal as a treat and I didn't want my dc to miss out on the experience. Maybe the other dc eat out at these places often so it's nothing important to them I dunno. My dc complained a bit about how it was unfair everyone else was on their screens but I am glad I stood firm.

I do think screens have their place but I work with dc and often when I'm working on what is worrying them or what they want to change about their life it's often that they don't get time with parents and feel lonely because everyone is always on a screen. I admit I am guilty of this sometimes too. I see lots of younger dc especially glued to a screen 24/7 and despite there positives many talk about not getting time with parents or wider family. I think lots are missing out on crucial development of social skills and learning about behaviour and what have you.

That aside I don't really notice or care much what others do in restaurants and if it makes their life easier then fair enough. The only time was the one described above. Parenting is hard enough without making your life harder or worrying about judgement of others.
We have no childcare so are with our dc 100 percent of the time apart from school and then we are at work so I can understand people wanting a break and to enjoy a peaceful meal.
We don't do it because eating out is a treat for us so we like to involve the dc.

Eating with fingers is a cultural norm in many countries, it's not disgusting.

My FIL bought us a kitchen table for a wedding present. We didn't have a dining room and his view was that a family bonds through talking to each other at meal time. I think he was right.

It's interesting to me how many assumptions are made because you may give your child a screen in a restaurant on some occasions.

People seem to assume you give them the screen as a soon as you sit down, or perhaps even before ? Perhaps your toddler is walking in, holding a screen. The parents then don't converse with their child at all, throughout their entire time at the restaurant.

The kids don't know how to talk to anyone therefore and can't pay attention at school either.

I can only speak for myself and my friends- we don't do that. The screen doesn't make an appearance until well after the meal and even then - they're not glued to it for two hours straight or whatever- it's an on and off affair.

We don't use screens for normal length lunches or dinners or for meals at home. We use them for special occasions that don't happen that often to be fair.

So stop assuming all this BS that we don't talk to our kids. Also, my youngest doesn't even want to watch a screen. It's all just assumptions and assumptions people make. Of course, when you clarify, you're drip feeding so you can't really win.

In any case. Moderation is fine ! My children are very social and outgoing and have no issues developmentally so far, even if we do use screens sometimes when we are out for a longer special occasions.

Stop assuming we don't talk to our kids just because they sometimes watch peppa at a long meal !!!

I've read your reply carefully.
I still think my FIL was right and his wedding present was very practical and much cherished, but you'll be pleased to know he wasn't dogmatic, nor judgemental and he was always saying, often around the table, live and let live.

My reply also wasn't entirely aimed at your post by the way.

But we also value family meals and talking to our children, is all I'm trying to say.

Here's what we did with our kids. It worked for us their parents and them as children; they now do pretty much the same with their children.

Up until about six/seven, a 'restaurant kit', paper, pencils, puzzles etc. for the wait before food. Food once served, all that put away, join in conversation while eating.

Six/seven until fourteen or so: just join in with us their parents, or if out with our friends, sit at a separate table with friends' kids, ask us if they could order dessert or drinks etc., generally giggle and chat, have a good time without making too much noise and disturbing others. (That took a bit of practice at home, of course - part of what's known as 'parenting'.)

After fourteen or so, they mostly didn't come out with us. They'd be out with their friends, we with ours. Occasionally we'd go out together; we'd chat, have a laugh, do what people do when eating out.

Later, of course, they'd take us out. Sometimes together, often separately. That's fun.

Now we're grandparents. Sometimes we do the same things with grandchildren. They've been well trained by their parents so it doesn't seem strange to them to leave their screens at home or switched off.

Screens are useful entertainment for children at home or on long train journeys (with headphones of course - even "quiet" sound may disturb others (me for instance!)). But giving your children screens to occupy them in a restaurant short-changes them a bit wrt their development as people, imo. No, it's not the worst thing parents do, by a long chalk. It's just not as good as the alternative. In my opinion.

Of course I wouldn't say anything to a parent (and never to someone else's child, of course) unless, as here, asked for my opinion. Sometimes we notice other people's kids misbehaving/causing a racket in a restaurant while we're eating. We keep our opinions to ourselves. It's not usually a problem, anyway; kids will be kids, after all.

I would - on occasion do - forcefully complain to a parent whose children's screen made a noise I could hear, in restaurant or train carriage, even if it were 'quiet' (take note, OP and others!). That's a different matter. (Why is screen noise so bad? Another thread. Trust me, though, it's very bad.)

With headphones - no issues at all

Not sure if you know how the internet works but if someone asks a question people usually answer it.

Pretty sure nobody here would be discussing "how other people raise their children" if there wasn't an invite to do so, which you'll be able to recognise because its in green at the top of the page.

Moderation is sensible, @kittensss, and your approach sounds good.

People should know that @kittensss has agreed that the device should be on silent or used with headphones, not 'on quietly'.

Nobody on here has suggested leaving young children home alone or in the pub car park, so i dont know where ou have got that from?
Part of parenting is teaching them that the world doesnt centre around their wants.There are times you need to be able to just sit and wait , and you also need to develop their conversation skills.

I agree with everything here, with a caveat that doing it like this was maybe easier for me as 10-15 years ago it just wasn’t the norm for kids in restaurants to be on screens. That therefore made it a lot easier to avoid, and we were never in a situation with friends where some children were allowed on screens and some weren’t And this has carried through so that my kids (now nearly adults) wouldn’t think of going on a screen at the table.

Would I manage to do the same if my kids my young today? I hope so but I don’t know.

If you cannot see what is wrong with having videos babysit your kids, then you have no business being a parent!

Your two comments are making you come across as very judgemental and ignorant. You can't possibly know how these children are being taught in their life and how they are progressing.

I'm not talking about babies using screens. However, I believe that some screen time is beneficial. Technology is big in this generation and some of the content they are watching on the screens is educational.

If parents are doing a lot of interacting and activities with their children then a bit of screen time is OK.

If a low level of sound from any type of device is enough to fill you with rage you need some sort of therapy. How do you cope day to day?! Restaurants play music - lots of pubs have quiz machines or slot machines which make noise. A lot of them have screens and some even have sports playing quietly shock horror. Some tables of adults talk and laugh loudly enough for people outside to hear them. Why would you go to a pub or restaurant if you were that sensitive to noise?!

The real truth is those of you saying a quiet iPad is a disturbance to your peace is actually you just saying “I think I’m a much better parent than you”

Because all those sounds are not as annoying as kids' cartoons.