What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

My son who has ADHD can only actually eat a meal out in less than an hour if he has a screen to focus on - yes he will talk to and interact with everyone, he’ll also be watching and listening to what other people are doing, investigating the toilet facilities, chatting to staff - great, but distracting to those keeping an eye on him, and not conducive to actually eating.

Don't be silly. Just because children use screens doesn't mean they have bad manners. Some might have. Honestly this is not the brightest comment. I have a friend who works in the office, one who is a teacher and one is a midday. We talk all the time about this.

Secondary school kids have always been fucking horrible. I was at school 20+ years ago, and we used to love nothing more than making supply teachers lose their shit, bonus if they cried. One English lesson we had a competition to see if we could all undo and remove bras from under our shirts by the end of it. It was a normal comprehensive in a suburban area.

I absolutely hate iPads phones etc at the dinner table. Including adults who go out to dinner and play on their phones.
It's stinks of lazy parenting. To me it says you're a parent who can't be arsed to teach your child good manners, behaviour or any sense of what's appropriate in social situations.
Children should be included in conversation with adults otherwise what's the point in having them? You go to dinner with your child and proceed to ignore them for an hour? Why did you bother having them?
I often praise parents when their children have been well behaved in a restaurant on a train or bus etc. mainly because it's rare to see these days.
I think children should learn to be bored and entertain themselves. I bet we all remember reading the back of shampoo bottles and cereal packets because there really wasn't anything else to do. This constant need to be occupied all the time does my head in.

Leaving the table because that is what they do at home when no one is interacting with them, spitting food as they speak, playing with their food, using forks like lollies, no idea how to hold a knife, shouting, dropping food on the floor on purpose, bringing their head down to their plates and shovelling it in, kids unable to hold conversations without arguing as they haven't yet learnt the art of communication as 90% of school age kids haven't. Kids come in with poor communication skills nationally because parents do not interact enough or care enough to.

I just really hate it because what’s the point of having them out- they may as well be in your sitting room!! Plus you’re teaching them ‘ah nothing interesting on here, I’ll just go into my own little world’. Saying that we just never brought our kids out to dinner much, as I like to properly sit down and spend time at dinner and I don’t think it’s fair on kids

I've never felt the need to use screens at meals out although generally we've stopped going on meals out except a few times a year on special occasions or on holiday, while the dc are small. On those days we focus a lot of attention on the dc to keep them occupied (we bring books and toys, or just chat with them) so we don't relax as adults and can't really talk amongst ourselves. But that's just something we've accepted as life in our family at this stage, and we enjoy that time with them and listening to what they have to say. It's different to an adult meal out and if we wanted that then we'd get babysitters and just go out ourselves.

Completely, its like saying let's go out as a family but not even be a family while out. It's saying we don't want to speak to you, we just want our meal without hearing you or even having to take an interest in you or your life - basically we couldn't get a sitter so this is the next best thing. we can't be arsed to parent and talk to you so we'll just do this so us adults can enjoy ourselves without you pesky kids interrupting us *as that is something else they were never taught!

My ASD child would never experience the outdoor world if we could not take his tablet with him.

He also can't tolerate headphones for very long, so a lot of the time, he doesn't wear headphones.

So I'm afraid whoever sits near us just has to tolerate the tablet on 2 or 3 clicks just above silent sometimes, because that's how he distracts himself between activities that he wants to and is able to participate in, and he's doing very well tolerating every one else and their noise in that moment.

No. 👏 Sound. 👏 At. 👏 All.

”Very quietly” is subjective. Screeching children’s tv programmes are much more distracting than conversation noises. As long as you have the sound off then crack on with your iPad time.

For me, going out to eat I really don’t want to hear Peppa Pig etc, if headphones are on fine and preferable to kids running amok. I just feel we should be trying to engage with them socially and chatting with them, totally appreciate they might not want to chat as long as adults. Choosing a family venue can be key, one with a play area maybe.

Even if sound is low you’d be surprised how much it can travel and irk people maybe who have saved up for their one meal out a year (me!), a family bereavement, celebration etc. Tinkling tunes isn’t really for a restaurant setting.

And I, an autistic adult, would be asking the wait staff to have you turn it off lest I have a meltdown 😅 Not sure who trumps who in this situation.

@TheBirdintheCave I don't think anyone trumps anyone.

You'd probably have to try to ask to move to a different part of the restaurant in this case.

@kittensss I generally book specific tables as I can't not have my back to a wall so moving might not be an option.

In that case you'd need to ask the family to move.

For the my kids who can't tolerate headphones, there are other ways to transmit sound , beanie hats, headbands etc etc

In terms of who trumps who, surely the person negatively affecting others is trumped

I agree with that. Just like I wouldn’t let ds need to bounce about negatively impact other diners or at any activity.

it is a complex situation but I don’t think we can completly discount the impact on others just because of autism or any other additional need.

we pick where we go carefully to places that have smaller dining areas w less people, he expects chatter, he expects some level of baby noise. He doesn’t expect to hear other people’s tablets or similar to be added on top of that and that would throw him from enjoying his trip to not being able to stay somewhere.

I don't even know why I'm replying to this because my children didn't have screens but you are coming across as really awful. You have no idea what these children have been doing the rest of the day/week with their parents.

If you are a midday and experiencing such bad behaviour then the children aren't like this because of a little bit of screen time after their meal. There is other things going on or not going on.

Most of the posters who don't like the screens are saying it is because the noise is annoying which is understandable. To start saying the parents are all shit parents is very ignorant as you have no insight into their lives apart from this.

So true. Eating out just wasn't a thing in the way it is now.

This is true for me too. We never had takeaways either. We eat out so much more than they do even now.

@SpicedAppleAndFreshCider totally agree with you.

People make unbelievable assumptions. That post is the biggest load of BS I have ever read.

I know, it says more about them than the other people.

I had a Grandma (not the Grandma we took out for Sunday food) who was judgemental of people for all sorts. Some of the crap she used to come out with when she had no idea about these peoples lives. It was actually pathetic and hilarious. I mean if I thought a child was being neglected I would be one of the first people to be worried about them but to get a view of someone's parenting skills from seeing a child on a screen after their meal is just madness and a little Mrs Bucket.

I've noticed the same judgement on here OP. Nobody knows if the child on the next table only gets their tablet once a week or is on it every waking moment.

I usually take the tablet (with headphones!) with me when we are going out for lunch, but it only usually comes out if my son is getting fed up and we aren't finished with our food and drinks. Wipe clean drawing books, small toys and conversation are often used to distract him first. That said, as a single parent I feel no guilt in just using it as a tool to allow me some adult interaction now and again either! People can think what they like when they see it, I know he gets quality interaction from me the majority of the time.

Once we were out for an early dinner after swimming as we'd missed the bus and the thought of waiting half an hour with a tired and hungry just turned 4 year old was not appealing to me (he'd have fallen asleep on the bus or been a horror for the other passengers to listen to!). He was wiped out after swimming and not feeling very sociable, so i let him watch something on my phone while he ate.
A couple of tables over were two women who had 4 children with them that had been spoken to at least 3 times about them running around the pub, not even in sight of them all the time. The final time they were spoken to one said, obviously loud enough especially for me to hear "oh i suppose you'd rather all kids sat in silence in front of a screen"... well actually yes, everybody else in the pub would prefer that if your feral offspring are the alternative!!

But what’s wrong with adults wanting to enjoy an hour of adults’ conversation once a week? I love my kids to pieces but frankly our conversations aren’t stimulating because they are toddlers. Parents’ mental health is important and it is very real that parents (especially SAHPs) really miss adult interaction. If we’re meeting up with friends and finally getting to talk about something other than Peppa Pig or how to do the school run, I dont see why my daughter shouldn’t spend an hour on an ipad. We’ll then take her to the park and the rest of the day will be about her and she can be included in some of the meal’s conversations but frankly the idea that every conversation should be tailored to the interests of a preschooler is very strange.