What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

Colouring books? Sticker books? Are these not a thing any more?

Yes, I've mentioned colouring books many times on this thread. Some posters think that makes the restaurant look like a nursery and some think that you should only eat out when your children are left at home with a babysitter. Very odd!

It's not that odd.

You take DC when they have learned how to behave, or you go only to places which are truly family friendly, and all the clientele will expect it to "look like a nursery"

And as your DC grow and learn, the range of places they'd appreciate and be able to cope with expands.

These restaurants usually provide colouring books, crayons and children's menus. If you don't want to see this then YOU need to eat somewhere else.

We go to more expensive restaurants without young family members.

I have explained that my children didn't have screens and are well mannered. They are grown up now.

I'm just not judgemental of young families.

Thank you - and yes I do.

But I do not find that means there are no DC still of an age where they cannot yet cope.

I would be utterly delighted if children unable to cope without props were taken only to places where the restaurant provided the activities.

They weren't a thing when mine were little, so I admit I'm one of the judgy ones. My children were passed around the table. They coloured, talked, interacted etc. never no need for a screen.

Even on very low, I can hear peppa pig and similar from a number of tables away. I don't want to hear it. Either bring earphones or don't allow them at all.

Then we are probably arguing for no reason as we've always kept the expensive restaurants for adult meals apart from holidays.

I'm not against screens because my Grandchildren use them sometimes but they are also being taught up to be well mannered.

The argument - would you prefer them running around and screaming - is nuts, it's not either/or

The argument - would you prefer them running around and screaming - is nuts, it's not either/or
I agree.

Someone saying "we sometimes choose to allow our DC screens, they have headphones in and the volume at an appropriate volume so others aren't subjected to tinny headphone noise" will find some people agree and others disagree, but regardless of parenting preferences it's unlikely to ruffle many feathers. These people tend to, in my experience, have generally well behaved children and aren't bothered by other parents having different opinions. We all make different decisions after all.

Someone adopting the "we give our kids a tablet each and if you judge what would you rather, our kids run riot / disrupt your meal / scream and shriek for the whole meal" and acting like it's a public service tend to have children (SEN excluded, before someone gets into whataboutery) who don't know how to behave in public, haven't been taught how to sit at cafes/pubs/restaurants, are put in situations that are developmentally inappropriate, the parents take the easiest way out to keep the children quiet so not to inconvenience them. They tend to seem surprised that their DC end up increasingly reliant on screens to be occupied because instead of teaching them how to behave in situations and adapting situations to help their children succeed, they've always relied on devices.

Interestingly we were not shouted at or slapped, we were not frightened of our parents but held a high respect for them. We were taught that eating out was a privilege, that conversation over a meal is good, and were encouraged to talk about topics we were interested in or perhaps had covered at school. We had many great meals out, it was a treat not a regular thing - perhaps that's the difference these days? In later years I suspect the parents may have regretted the (children's) decision to use Latin as the main language sometimes (blame my oldest brother's pre school for that one), but it was interesting eg speculating on the Romans, and what they would make of modern day Britain - in Latin. We once had an elderly gentleman come and join in the conversation - he was a retired Classics teacher and found it most amusing.
We were often complimented on by the restaurant or other people, and I remember my mother positively glowing with pride when that happened. Likewise we were praised by our parents for behaving well, which only encouraged us to do more of the same.

oh op, some of the replies to this really make me mad!
my 2 yo, yes 2, has an iPad. Occasionally we take it out for dinners etc. it’s on very low. He won’t wear headphones he’s 2, he is, funnily enough, JUST AS WELCOME to go out for dinner than everyone else. I refuse to use it all the time but he’s 2. If I want an extra 20 mins to finish a drink then I might pop it on for him. It’s less stressful for us all. I do appreciate kids videos are very annoying so the volume is either on low or not on at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe it should be on the entire time over dinner especially when he’s old enough to engage in conversation.

i 100% and (I cannot stress how much!) agree with you as I am in the ‘being scared shitless of our parents so sitting in silence’ group - Being scared meant I behaved and sat still. The saying ‘children must be seen and not heard’ came from somewhere after all.

at home even, he has the iPad sometimes. He even has it now. But, I take him swimming once a week and multiple visits down the park, soft plays, to friends houses, painting, books, colouring, just because I use an iPad does not make me lazy. Just because they didn’t exist when I was a child doesn’t mean we can’t use them for an easier life now.

my son knows most letters, all colours and numbers and he has just turned 2. It depends what you put on as it can be educational.

also op, what is the ACTUAL difference between colouring/reading and watching an iPad? One is electronic one isn’t, big deal.

Mine will have phone/tablet to watch at the table if they start getting restless, but they're taken away while we actually eat. We make sure the volume is down super low so it doesn't disturb anyone else. People judge but I'd rather not have my kids being loud or messing around because they're bored! I've been to restaurants where people's kids are running riot, doing handstands in the restaurant etc and I'd much rather see a child sitting quietly watching a phone! Obviously this is age dependent and I would expect and older child to be able to entertain themselves without the use of technology but littler ones I have no issue with.

my son knows most letters, all colours and numbers and he has just turned 2. It depends what you put on as it can be educational

This ^

I don't think some people realise that there are educational things on these screens. So are just assuming they know what the children are watching.

I don't have children. But I really can't see why everything has to be educational or parents need to defend what their children watch on an iPad ...for all I know they could be learning Russian and watching Peppa pig is a break...

I'm always perplexed on MN how people are so judgy of parents who allow kids to have screens in restaurants but also insist they are not judgy of parents of kids with autism who do this, as that's different. I wonder how they tell the difference before they hoik their judgy pants?

My two year old will happily wear headphones when we take the iPad outside the house (normally on planes) so it's not universal. If he refused then I'd turn the sound off. No way would I risk annoying anyone else by emitting tinny sounds of children's shows/games that they didn't choose to listen to.

Low sound is not good enough.

I’ve seen adults listening to loud things on their phone - being immature at restaurants and acting worse than children.

I don’t understand why people care because they would be annoyed when the children are loud and irritated.

You just can’t win with parenting sometimes. I say - do what you need to do. You know your children best.

I've no problem with it, but we take headphones for DD. If we don't have them with us it's not allowed. I'd expect others to do the same. I'm quite laidback but I can't be doing with hearing Peppa pig or Cocomelon loudly when trying to eat a meal. I do try to take toys or colouring books for DD and give those to her first, screens more of a last resort thing.

Incidentally, I was someone who was terrified of disobeying my parents. Meals out were a rare treat and obviously we had no screens and we sat still quietly and did as we were told.
I remember very clearly my father saying 'no one here wants to here your voice' and 'children should be seen and not heard' so it does seem a bit strange how times have changed a lot (that was only 30 years ago).

Some will wear headphones. Some won’t. like you said, not universal. extremely low volume or sound off for me.

I’m sure we’ve all been out before with arrogant adults playing football (which personally I can’t stand) or videos or TikTok loudly on their phone so not sure why children are the ones who get slated for it…

I’m of the you do what you have to do you can enjoy your meal warm mum, I don’t care if you tablet them, put them on your knee, pass them around like a yoyo, because I’ve been there and you will always have my sympathy for just wanting to enjoy a nice meal that you haven't had to cook.

I wouldn't judge if it was quiet

By quiet I mean headphones. Nothing worse than that faint sound that comes from phones and iPads. I include adults in that

I once spent a 5 hour flight to Tenerife sitting behind a dame watching line of duty on an iPad

The cabin crew only asked her to turn it down. They should have said headphones or off

Haven’t read all the thread but there are many reasons a child might need a screen at the table. It’s not my place to judge what others do. However personally my children are not allowed screens when we go out for dinner. We sit, we interact, we play games and we always choose places that are child friendly, for example have a play area or safe outdoor space where the kids can go and run if they are restless. That is my choice because I don’t want my children sitting there glued to a screen at dinner. But as long as headphones are used, I couldn’t care less what others do.

We, as in my family, just very very rarely ate out,
I remember picnic style meals if we went out for the day but no restaurants or pubs.
I hadn’t had a Chinese or Indian until I left home.
I grew up during the 80s and 90s.