Partner not wanting to split household bills

[mum1010219]

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

Working full time would just mean her child would barely see her, her wages would go on childcare and she’d still have to claim just as many benefits to live off till child starts school and she doesn’t need to pay for childcare.

So that's what she will be currently doing - having to look for 30 hours of work as required.

I didn't prove your point. You just contradicted your OWN point. You can't just sit around not working if you are required to be looking for work. The DWP will be coming down on the OP very soon.

So it's dignified not to work if you have a partner to financially and mentally support you, but not dignified not to work when you're completely alone with NO help from anyone else? Interesting.

Which part of "the benefits system was designed as a stop gap for those needing support short-term, not as a lifestyle choice so they could choose to not work." don't you understand? OPs son is 3; she should be working not able to choose to not work because she doesn't fancy it - she's trying to avoid losing benefits when she will do so anyway, whether DP moves in or not. My point is that benefits are for short term situations, not a long term choice.

The dignity comes from who is paying for your choices - if someone is choosing to support you and you are choosing to be supported by a certain person then it's a mutual decision. If you are choosing to sit at home while some other people don't have that choice, then it's taking the mickey.

Just out of interest, did DPs child live with you both full time?

But she would be keeping up workplace skills, her child would be socialising, and she would be contributing to somebody else's wages. Or we can keep importing people to do jobs while we all sit around with someone else paying us.

DC already has two parents to pay for his day to day living expenses; DP doesn't need to pay for that. If OP and DP have a child together, they'll work that out.

But she is NOT able to choose not to work! You quoted it yourself. She is now required to be looking for work. I was made redundant this year and the Jobcentre came down HARD on me to find work as quickly as possible. This will be happening to OP.

She would still get benefits anyway even working full time! As she would have to claim childcare costs and still be entitled to UC. I work full time, earn over minimum wage, have no childcare costs and cheap rent, and I still get £500 a month in UC (lone parent, one child).

I work full time and fully support single mums of young kids not working and getting benefits. Fuck all that "dignity" nonsense. Doing everything yourself is hard enough. Maybe if we shamed men into actually doing half the childcare more women in this situation would be able to work.

I support single mums of young children being supported by the state too, but it can't be open-ended or indefinite. Perhaps as well as addressing the men not doing and paying for half, we should also address the fact that women are either choosing fathers who aren't really up to the job, or are actively choosing to have children when not in stable relationships. The welfare system has exploded the numbers.

@Beezknees

I’m with you - of all of the things my taxes pay for this is one of the things I’m perfectly happy with.

None of that excuses men from responsibility. We should be forcing them ALL to take responsibility for children they create. Just like mothers have to.

We need for both parents to take responsibility for the creation and support of their children. Currently there's too much burden on the state, and not enough on both parents in some cases.

Yes, she has supervised contact every other weekend with her biomum for a few hours on the Saturday.

Unless that is the reason she wants another in order to prevent the DWP coming after here. OP isn't work shy though. She just doesn't work that much.

If she was living with her DP she'd lose them anyway.

Depends on his wage.

Please do not move in with or have a baby with this man. If he does not see your 3 year old child as part of the family unit then you should not be with him. Your little boy comes first and I’d be worried about how he would be treated by this man. If you have another child then they should still be treated as equals by him. If you don’t think that would happen then you need to find someone who loves your son like his own.

Who on bloody earth complains about housing and feeding a child!? Nickel and dime for everything related to a child? Not just any child, but the child of your SO?

Sorry, that’s not right. I find it so classless.

Ok, so in a few years when OP and DP have their own bio child, and DC1 is being taken out and treated by disney dad, how will bioDC feel? Will we expect DC1 dad to take their sibling out too? I've seen this situation with a friend who has children by 3 fathers, it's a bloody mess.

I don’t think she want him to fund her child as in costs associated with the child such as their clothes etc. but does want a 50/50 split in rent and bills which would make sense because as 2 adults the costs should be split equally for the home and bills. Take into account she will lose a lot of the financial support she is currently getting as a single person (council tax reduction, any top up on wages, tax credits) and asking him to pay half is reasonable I think 🤔

Dump him!

If someone shows you who they are believe them. I see him treating his child with you (if you have one together) different to "your child". That can cause major issues with the siblings in the future.