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Original poster

Partner not wanting to split household bills

383 replies

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:29

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

OP posts:
Beezknees · 22/11/2023 06:29

MMCQ · 22/11/2023 01:25

Why should any step parent expect to pay for you to be off work 4 days of the week exactly? Each parent should pay their share. If you have a child you get money for them from that child’s other parent. You are 2 people and your current partner is 1. When you have a child together the ratio changes. You should contribute 2.5 to his 1.5 and so on. Your child may be small now but when he’s a teenager every costs huge amounts and why should the step parent find their holidays, clothes, books, trips, lunches, uniform, school clubs and sports etc.

Er, not everyone gets money from their child's other parent. What planet do you live on??

Beezknees · 22/11/2023 06:30

You'd be a massive fool if you moved in with him and you wouldn't be putting your child first quite honestly. Do the right thing.

Muchof · 22/11/2023 06:55

The whole thing is ridiculous. Why on earth are you trying for a baby with somebody without having these very basic discussions first.

DoughBallss · 22/11/2023 12:22

Your household bills would still be same with or without your 3 year old there, food bill slightly more if anything.

He’s being a tight arse and not accepting you and your child as a package.

6Claire · 22/11/2023 13:58

Wow! Red flags, he needs to go I’m afraid! Get rid, my partner took me on with a ds and we now have 2 kids also but he never questioned once about paying, he pays more bills than I do due to earning more and also pays towards bdays/ Christmas for all 3 kids etc as we share money so if he needs it I give it and vice versa! That’s how a relationship works, not this nonsense about not paying because you have a son!

Justanothermum42 · 22/11/2023 15:45

Do not move in with him. Ever.

ThisMama1 · 22/11/2023 17:33

your child is going to end up feeling singled & rejected when your ‘new child’ is being bought things by your partner & he refuses to pay for thing for your first child. Either you’re a package or you’re not. If you weren’t planning a baby it wouldn’t be too bad but when there’s two kids & one is treated differently it’s going to cause issues for that child. Believe me, along with my brother I was that child.

My sister treated so differently than us by her dad, we were ‘her kids’, my sister was my mums & his kid. The fact he didn’t fully accept us meant that his family didn’t fully accept us so we were left out of everything. It caused so much trauma. We’re now in our 40s & still don’t have the best sibling relationship

When me & my now husband moved in together he accepted my son & me came as a package. When we had our son together our boys were treated the same, there was so he’s yours & he’s mine, they both were ours & even though there’s 11 years between them they have an amazing relationship. My husband has an amazing relationship with my first born who is now 22. Whereas i have no relationship whatsoever with my ‘step dad’. Funnily enough, my mum managed to stand 15 years of him treating us so differently before she decided enough was enough & she couldn’t tolerate how divided our household was. She had to work nights to pay for us whilst he worked days & had extra money because she had to contribute more to the household. It tore the whole family apart & was so damaging to everyone involved. Even he said in hindsight he should have never had a child with her if he couldn’t be a proper step dad to us. Too little too late

Pumpkinpie1 · 22/11/2023 17:49

Having a child together is a terrible idea

WilhelminaC · 22/11/2023 17:49

Steer clear, he’s not worth it x

Ilovecleaning · 22/11/2023 17:55

Ive not read the full thread ( but I will) but this is a MASSIVE red flag. Please do not move in with this man. Selfish prick.

MimiSunshine · 22/11/2023 18:04

Stop trying for a baby. Don’t move in with him.

you need to get all of this sorted before going any further.

GladAllOver · 22/11/2023 18:04

Just DON'T have a child with this man, or you'll soon be on your own with two children to look after. Listen to the advice that you came here for.

Mumof3confused · 22/11/2023 18:11

So not move in with this man. You will regret it.

Ilovecleaning · 22/11/2023 18:11

Beezknees · 22/11/2023 06:29

Er, not everyone gets money from their child's other parent. What planet do you live on??

Show quote history

Planet I-Have-Never-Had-Any-Real -Problems…

mamabelli · 22/11/2023 18:23

Absolutely do not move in with this man. I made that mistake, ruined my kids lives and mine and regretted it for 20+ years.

Truecrime · 22/11/2023 18:25

Where else could he live without paying bills ? Makes no sense

saffy2 · 22/11/2023 18:31

I’d break up with him. Any one who treated my son like that would be gone. Seriously, a lot of these step parent threads make me so grateful for my boyfriend and for my sons step mum.

InvestingMimi · 22/11/2023 18:39

talkingtoelise · 20/11/2023 20:41

This man has literally just opened the exit door for you, now get out. If he refuses to pay half the bills because of ‘your son’ what happens if you don’t have the money to buy him Christmas presents? Or school uniform? Or better yet you have a baby with him and he only takes ‘his child’ on days out or trips or buys them things. You leave now for your son’s sake and yours, this man will never be a family unit with you as he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t view your son as part of his family. Stay and I guarantee your son will have a miserable life.

This, I feel dreadful for you and most of all your son. When a man takes on a woman with a child he takes on the child. Please please reconsider and think of your DC's feelings in this.

IAmMam · 22/11/2023 18:50

Don’t try and build a life with a man who sees your child as he does

Pomvit · 22/11/2023 18:52

Red flag! Sorry are you going to be a family or not? Think his attitude stinks and if that’s how he feels that structure will run through all aspects of your family life. I wouldn’t move on with him.

Pepsi2001 · 22/11/2023 18:52

Massive red flag. Run.

superplumb · 22/11/2023 18:53

Yeah I'd run from this. He doesn't see your child as part of the relationship. If you had another it will become apparent just how diff they will be treated. Do you really want that for your son?

Whatincreaseplse · 22/11/2023 19:00

Op this is so complicated.

What happens if he has to do a food shop? Will he be asking you for money for 3/4 of the food? Will he be feeling better resentment because maybe you are ill and can't pay him back.. Will he be noting it down in a book?

I don't think this attitude is viable at all with a blended family. It will lead to festering resensmdnf.

Madamum18 · 22/11/2023 19:05

I think splitting so many hairs over paying bills especially when he earns so much more is a total red flag!! I would not move in with him!

BlueFlowers5 · 22/11/2023 19:08

There's almost nothing worse than being unwanted child in a household.
Don't let him move in.

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