Partner not wanting to split household bills

[mum1010219]

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

Think when you read your notification - your own words, you’ll realise what to do and NOT subject your most precious son to a life time of being a second class child at home.

Time to say bye to this individual. Why o’ why would you even consider having a child with such a man?
Best wishes and think of your son.

Don't try for a baby with this man please!!!!

HUGE red flag!! Do not move in with this twat or get pregnant by him.

Don't have a baby with this man as he will treat your son as second class and your son will suffer in the long run, think and put your son first, he doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love him and sees him as a burden.

You need to prioritise your child over a man. Leave the relationship.

Don't do it! He doesn't see your kid as your kid

God woman are you stupid or desperate!!! Run for the hills.

Or both!

This is a major red flag. What a cheap man. I’d rethink the relationship. Your child deserves a step father who will embrace him, not refuse to contribute half the household bills! How much does a 3 year old take anyway?!

He's showing his true colours to you regarding your first child and you still haven't walked out the relationship? Let alone consider another kid with this person you need to put the one you got first.

So he’s not going to use heat, electricity, food your funiture, fridge, cooker etc?

And I hope you’re not one of these mothers that will let your son be bullied by him, just because “I love him”

@mum1010219
Just remember this, when everyone says it's wrong it always is wrong.
He won't change, your life will be awful and your son's will be worse. Save you all the future heartache and finish this now. He doesn't want to be part of your family.

So a charge for fair wear and tear? I bet he won't agree with that!

So how is it going to work when you have a baby? You still have to cover everything for you and your child and half for the other child? How are you going to do that when you’re off work bringing up the baby? If you go for a day out will you have to pay for your child and half for the other? Why in gods name would you even consider this? Your child is going to grow up feeling second best to any other child and you are basically going to be financially abused. How can you even consider getting yourself into this ridiculous scenario? Honestly?!

Don't trade your child's happiness for a partner. And probably yours as well. And he would be saving money moving in with you, not losing it because you have a kid already. That math is not mathing. an extra bedroom only adds 100-200 per month to most places. He is going to be getting rid of a big rent expense. plus, if you did have a kid with him, they would probably share a room for a few years after the first year. This man is going to nickel and dime you into the grave and it will always be you paying the dime and him paying the nickel. plus he is probably lazy in the home. This kind always is. and a man eats a ton more than a woman and small child. and they usually have more expensive tastes when someone else is cooking and buying the food. They may beans and toast living alone, but they will want full sunday meals every day once they have their hooks in a woman.
Tell him to go get a roommate.

If you read the step parent bird you will get a wry different view of what should be expected of a stepparent. The step parent should never contribute a penny towards the chicks or take any responsibility for them. 100% of cate and responsibility should be done by the biological parent. You will also find o that board that the expectation is only that the step parent tolerate the child, most step aren’t so. That board have no love for their step children and don’t even see them as family. I would highly advise you to read that board on here.

I don’t think it is his job to support you or your child. You are an adult and this your child. Are you mostly with him for his wallet and so you don’t have to work or take responsibility for yourself or your child? A single father who had his girlfriend paying for everything and only worked one day a week would not be looked on favourably.

I don't quite get adults who can’t look after themselves or their children and need to find a man or woman to pay for everything for them.

I wouldn’t move in with him OP until he sees the error of his ways. It doesn’t sound like he accepting you and your child as a package deal that you are. Is it that your getting maintenance from child’s father and he thinks that should be paying part of the bills? If it is you should sit down and explain where that money goes, I’d imagine it mostly goes to clothing and feeding your child then anything else.

also sounds like you’d likely be worse off financially doing it to which could end with you being stuck with him if you loose entitlement to certain benefits etc

Your poor son. Don't have another baby with this idiot. Get rid of him and find a decent man who will love your son and understand you come as a package.

Dump dump dump!!!!!!

you are RIGHT that he will NEVER see your child as his, and your child will always know that he comes third.

OP, do not have a baby with this man. You can do better.

Put your son first.

OP already said that he treats her son as family, “and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one”. DC already has a mum and a dad and now a “step dad”. DC has a mum and dad who pay towards his keep, so why would new partner need to cover DC living expenses too? Partner will be also losing single council tax benefit.

He doesn’t need to see OP’s DC as his; DC already has a dad. Partner will be step dad, and that’s a different dynamic to the actual parent.

OP has already said she doesn’t want to go to work full time and is happy to claim benefits, so has the option to work if benefits will be reduced due to moving in with partner. By staying on benefits she’s actively choosing to be worse off and expecting partner to cover that.

She also stated that she works one day a week and if she worked full time would come home with the same money due to child care, so there is absolutely no point in her going to work full time.