AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

[JustKeepSwimmingAlong]

I’ve taken my kids swimming tonight, both have separate swimming lessons and I swam with one while the other had theirs. Eldest is male, 9 and has multiple additional needs including ADHD, ASD and some physical disabilities which means he struggles to change himself. Youngest is in nursery so can dress herself but does need supervision. We got out the pool and realised all the changing rooms were full. There were 8 classes on over multiple pools, as well as general swim on at the same time. There’s only two family/accessible changing rooms and the others are all individual. There were literal queues for the large changing rooms.
I then noticed people going out of the group change. I’ve not used it before, but there was a male and a female changing room, so we went in the females. There was no one in it so started laying out the kids clothes and getting them to shower. Got them out the showers and started to get them dressed and people started coming in. There were a couple of mums with young girls and boys, and then a teenager looking girl came in by herself. She immediately came over to tell me that we were in the female room. I explained my son needed help getting changed and the changing rooms were full, but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.
We were nearly Finished and my son was fully dressed when she arrived. He sat next to me, facing the wall and we left within a few minutes. During this time, she did get changed, so we didn’t delay her. Now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable?
I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I really don’t know what else I could have done in the situation? There’s too many classes and too few changing rooms, and we need a larger/accessible one, but they’re the only ones with baby change so they’re really
Popular. The lessons are every week so now I’m wondering what I can do next week? Would I be unreasonable to keep using the group change if there are no other options available?

This comment is particularly wheedling. The fact that I do not violate this boundary - and teach my son likewise - does not mean I do not protect my boy.

Grim. Please do better next time. Think of others and act appropriately.

The ‘joke’ is you raising your boys to think they can ignore women’s boundaries and enter spaces where women don’t want them around.

YABVU and entitled. I totally understand why you did it, but it still wasn’t ok.

You can’t use the girls changing room for a nine year old male, it is not fair on the girls who need it.

If your son cannot change by himself then either you wait - yes cold and dripping - for an accessible/family room, or you don’t take him swimming at all.

That’s a tough situation and I empathise but a female only changing room does need to be kept for women and girls.

At 9 your son is too old to be in there and you need to find an alternative solution that works for you and your son. This might mean queuing for the other facilities.

I also applaud the teenage girl for politely questioning his presence. I’d never have been brave enough as a teenager and would probably have left the changing rooms instead.

Nah you said the girl can use the toilet so by your own logic OP could’ve taken her son to change in the toilet no? But you’d rather put out a young woman because your baby boy comes first? I see you’re one of those boy mums…

No way was the teenage girl being unreasonable. I am actually silently applauding the teenage girl for having the self-confidence to point out the undeniable fact that the OP’s son was too old to be changing in the female changing space. I want to add that I understand disabilities as I am the parent to two daughters both of whom have ADHD and autism while the elder is blind, among other impairments. My younger DD cannot manage the public pool changing rooms so she gets ready for swimming at home and then leaves the pool wearing a dry robe, under which she can shimmy out of her swimsuit, and then she showers and changes at home, after a 20-minute drive home. In truth, I think that there’s a lot of overthinking going on re: dressing after the pool.

No, I would do no such thing.

What an inarticulate, crass style of poster YOU are.

@CremeEggSupremacy is correct in their assertion.

No wonder some men turn out the way they do.

I can see both sides but tbh side with a young teenager girl over this. Yabu in this situation I'm afraid. Think this a problem with the pool so raise it with them. Sounds like the teenager girl wasn't comfortable in this situation and tbh very brave to mention it to you.

@JustKeepSwimmingAlong Your son is growing up. He will become a disabled man and unfortunately that means he is not only vulnerable to abuse but also will be seen as a threat. It’s really really important that you create firm clear boundaries for him. He must NEVER go into the ladies toilet/changing rooms. He needs to not just obey the rules but be clearly seen to obey them. It’s hard but to keep him safe make a much better plan.

The gyms I've used display notices saying that boys over the age of 7 cannot use the women's changing rooms. One of them said they'd consulted with social services on this.

A nine year old boy shouldn't be in there. Girls and women have a right to privacy.

Setting boundaries.
Very important, especially for potentially vulnerable adults.

Sorry but no. I have 2 boys and one is 9. I was stared at in a women’s gym changing room last month by a young boy with his mum. I went and got a staff member to ask them to leave so I was able to shower and change. It’s not appropriate at all. I’m a grown woman and felt uncomfortable. Imagine a teenage girl still developing and being uncomfortable in her own skin? Women need their own spaces and privacy.

No you should not have done this. What is the new arrangement going to be? You need one.

I really struggled with my ASD boy when he was younger. He couldn't manage his own clothing and he had no idea what was going on around him or what to do. I used to take him into female toilets wearing a large pink hat on his head. I quickly took him into a cubicle with me and nobody noticed he was a boy. Did it until he was about 12. Often me and dd would sandwich him between us so that I was visible at the front and her at the back. I don't think you did anything wrong OP. He's 9 and needed help. The facilities provided were inadequate. You didn't hurt anyone and he was facing the wall.

You should have waited..my 10 year old dd would have been mortified if there was an 9 year old boy in the group change. I'm a school swimming teacher and boys that age are not permitted in the opposite sex group change. You should have waited for a cubicle or asked a member of the staff to open the disabled group change. Well done for that girl to challenge you. Please don't use these particular facilities moving forward it's not fair or appropriate.

The reality of raising disabled boys. Which bit don’t you understand?

That is perfectly obvious. The post is clearly written in plain English. It's not difficult to understand.

9 is too old to be in female changing especially if there are no cubicles. You must know a child of that age would make girls uncomfortable and the least you could have done is get changed very quickly and shower at home so you were not hanging about.

You do have a choice, queue like everyone else and take something to keep yourselves warm while in the queue if it is an issue. Or try to get lessons at a different time.