AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

[JustKeepSwimmingAlong]

I’ve taken my kids swimming tonight, both have separate swimming lessons and I swam with one while the other had theirs. Eldest is male, 9 and has multiple additional needs including ADHD, ASD and some physical disabilities which means he struggles to change himself. Youngest is in nursery so can dress herself but does need supervision. We got out the pool and realised all the changing rooms were full. There were 8 classes on over multiple pools, as well as general swim on at the same time. There’s only two family/accessible changing rooms and the others are all individual. There were literal queues for the large changing rooms.
I then noticed people going out of the group change. I’ve not used it before, but there was a male and a female changing room, so we went in the females. There was no one in it so started laying out the kids clothes and getting them to shower. Got them out the showers and started to get them dressed and people started coming in. There were a couple of mums with young girls and boys, and then a teenager looking girl came in by herself. She immediately came over to tell me that we were in the female room. I explained my son needed help getting changed and the changing rooms were full, but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.
We were nearly Finished and my son was fully dressed when she arrived. He sat next to me, facing the wall and we left within a few minutes. During this time, she did get changed, so we didn’t delay her. Now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable?
I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I really don’t know what else I could have done in the situation? There’s too many classes and too few changing rooms, and we need a larger/accessible one, but they’re the only ones with baby change so they’re really
Popular. The lessons are every week so now I’m wondering what I can do next week? Would I be unreasonable to keep using the group change if there are no other options available?

All that happened was that you tried to look after your son, you did what you thought was sensible at the time. A girl pointed out that it made her uncomfortable, which is completely fair enough, but was never your intention. Now you feel bad and you're reflecting on it so that you don't upset anyone again. You were a normal mum in a difficult situation, we've all been there and have had to adapt. You'll do it differently next time and find a solution. Sounds entirely reasonable to me!

@CormorantStrikesBack

9 year old autistics usually have the reasonable adjustment that they arrive into school in PE gear and do not get changed out of it.

In fact many schools now have all the kids in the class follow this, for ease of time and so that those with reasonable adjustments don’t stand out.

Sorry just to clarify, I was referring more to the helicopter parents who fuss unnecessarily over kids who are actually fairly able to change themselves, not the SEN parents who are worrying that their child is getting enough support to do PE at all, and wish they could make things easier for them.

Yes but the teachers aren't generally helping the kids get changed. So they manage. Any other fear is hysteria over sexual assaults/paedophiles stalking changing rooms.

From @JustKeepSwimmingAlong ‘s opening post
Now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable?
I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I really don’t know what else I could have done in the situation?

does this really sound like someone who thinks they found a good solution?

Exactly. Someone else said they were.

She took a male, above the allowed age, into a female only changing area.

OP absolutely knows she could and should have left when the girl spoke up and likely came on here to hope everyone said it’s fine.

I wasn’t talking about kids with additional needs. I was responding to a comment where someone said 9yos needed to be with their parents. Generally they don’t. Obviously kids with special needs are an exception but ime there are a lot (not all) older kids in the changing rooms who this doesn’t apply to. Yes, I know not all disabilities are visible, etc , but these are kids and their parents who I know.

I mentioned small child in relation to smaller children being allowed in opposite sex changing rooms. I don't think 9 is a small child, though there can be a lot of variety in a ability at that age.

My question wasn’t to you. I already knew your ds has additional needs.

You've chosen one quote. Overall her comments look like she feels justified and wants us to agree.

The way I read it she’d got her boy dressed and was quickly finishing up with her other child and presumably her own clothes. Then left smartly but is concerned about it.

@sollenwir You've chosen one quote. Overall her comments look like she feels justified and wants us to agree. subsequent posts didn’t read like that to me. The “one quote” is a chunk of the original post.

@sollenwir ive already said I won’t be doing it again, I did feel uncomfortable and didn’t want to make anyone else feel like their space was invaded. I’ve also explained that there are no signs regarding ages of children allowed in the changing rooms so I had no way of knowing the 7/8 year old age that others have mentioned on here. I’ve been reading all the comments and whilst I understand where you’re coming from, and have agreed that I won’t do it again, I think you’re being a bit harsh on this comment? I wasn’t sure about the rules, I was in a very difficult situation, I’ve asked for advice and agreed to take it on board and to change my plan for the future

It sounds like it was very busy there. The young girl is entitled to her opinion but by the sound of it the women's communal changing room was not your preferred changing area and you went in there because there wasn't anywhere else free. So it sounds like you dealt with the situation very well in the circumstances

Reading through her posts I see no real acknowledgement of how unacceptable her actions were, and how she should not even consider doing this again.
Maybe she didn't think it through properly at the time or realise the implications, I get that, but she has to take on board the majority of the comments suggesting otherwise, surely.

You cannot just take a male in a female only area because the area you need/want I occupied.

@sollenwir

I’ve just reread OP’s posts again.

Where are you getting this from???

She said specifically there were no signs up stating anything about age cutoff points.

Kids safety comes first. If there was a long line at the family change rooms I would have done the same. My son is almost 10 and can use public toilets change rooms on his own but it depends on where we are. Most places are ok, but say at the beach I wouldn’t let him go in on his own. And I honestly don’t care if anyone has a problem with it. I would have politely told the girl she wait outside if she has a problem with it.

@JustKeepSwimmingAlong Your ds has as much right to go swimming as anyone else and should have somewhere to change with dignity and privacy just like anyone else.

If there were no female changing rooms how would the women on this thread feel being told to go home wet, or you’ll just have to accept you can’t swim or change in the toilets. I’m ashamed to read some of this.

WAKE UP.

OPs son is not less than any of you. He is precious and valuable and has an important part in our community, because in the UK we don’t treat other human beings like that. And if we see people perpetrating that shit, we speak up.

Teenage girls are also precious and valuable and do not deserve to feel uncomfortable when they are vulnerable because they’re changing. Embarrassing that some people just do not give a shit about girls/women tbh, honestly treating them like second class citizens

It's surely common knowledge/sense that males are not allowed in female changing spaces - it's been a rule at every pool I've been too (quite a few), and 8 is a standard upper limit.

Correct, he isn't any less.
Neither are the females changing in the female space either though.
He shouldn't be in there.

In that case you'll not have a problem if someone complains?
10 is far too old for a male to be in a female only area, with no cubicles.