AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

[marshyrun]

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

I'm with you, OP..... sounds ridiculous to me. You can't come off work for every sniffle or any time your child is a bit clingy. Apart from anything else, they won't learn healthy resilience that way....

Of course not if they are miserable or properly unwell- but doesn't sound like this is the case.

Could be,
But I've also seen quite a few neo Nazis use 88 in their user name. Admittedly not on Mumsnet which was why it interested me

@Caplin does the vicks on the feet work??? My 18 month old is always up and grizzly with nasal drip and coughs lately and I'll try anything!

Everyone saying ‘go pick her up and have a sofa afternoon’ clearly assume OP doesn’t work. When you do, and you know there’s nothing actually wrong, just maybe feeling a bit under the weather, you can’t just leave work to pick them up every time. No it’s not ideal for the little girl but work means work unless there’s absolutely no other option, not sack it off and laze about on the sofa at the slightest sign of a sniffle.

Don’t ask me why, but yes it does. I was sceptical, but it deffo helps, and we were desperate!

I work full time in a demanding job. I’m forever having to go pick them up. It is very disruptive and inconvenient. I obviously always actually go and get them because I hate the idea of them being poorly in school, feeling rubbish when they should be home recovering. Go and get her!

Do you have family and a partner who support you are you in a job you can just walk and leave if you need to?

By the ops admission she doesn't have any of that shame on you for judging her.

You are completely unreasonable

You can't take sick leave for your child being ill. You can ask for dependency leave, it's optional however and not necessarily paid.

Op could be short this month in this cost of living crisis. If it was me in the ops situation I would have left her there. I bet the op felt cheated when her daughter was running around the playground at pick up time. A lot of children will use sickness to get out of tricky work that they don't want to do.

That comment on its own says a lot about society.

This is a very tricky scenario. It very difficult when you do not have leave or support. That being said schools are not babysitting services or childcare. Therefore if your child is ill - there isn't really anybody supervise or watch the child.

I kind of get the odd day of calpol before school but if you have been medicating her daily for a few days then she is clearly not well enough to be in school. Our nursery told us about parents that were both very busy at work and kept medicating their child so she could go to nursery and she ended up in hospital very poorly.

Yes, at 4 years old she’s pretending to be ill so she doesn’t have to complete her thesis on The History of the World.
OP has collected the child. Contrary to what some people think, school is not a sanctuary for ill children. We’ll never know how poorly the child was, but it’s awful that in 2023 this situation with work occurs. I hope OP can find a trustworthy friend to help her when her DC is sick. With many years to go before she can safely be left alone, she certainly needs someone.

She was running around at home time and it was the doctor who suggested the Calpol. Fruit would be better but I don't think scare mongering a parent who is on her own is helpful, do you?

The pressure schools put on 4 year olds these days. Phonics tests and all sorts. I remember a teacher saying that they have to fail a child who can read at the age of 4 because they couldn't phonetically read. Her child wasn't sick when playing in the playground after school when she brought her with her to pick up her other daughter.

Oh my goodness, sending a 4 year old to school with a bad cold?! Poor child! She should be resting up and recovering at home. And what about all the other children and teachers who no doubt have caught it from her?

The 4 year old in our family really wouldn’t know they were going to be a failure in life because they weren’t keen on doing a particular part of the curriculum.
This problem is more to do with unsympathetic managers in the work place.

If she’s poorly enough to need cal pop before school she’s poorly enough to be at home.
it’s not up to school to deal with your clingy child who feels unwell.

So you want your child in an environment where they arent equipped to feal with her. Why does your job take president over theirs? OP started this thread by saying she'd been unwell and dosed up on calpol. Clearly she was being clingy because she was unwell.

The schools I have worked in would class not collecting an unwell child as neglect. School is not childcare, where they will look after them in almost all circumstances. News flash I've had to work too and have no one to ask to collect my child from school either, I never questioned collecting my unwell child when literally asked to. If op is hesitating because of work then she needs to check her priorities or change to a more flexible job, as I mentioned school is for learning not childcare.

Agreed. The OP has said her DD didn’t have a temperature, slight cough and was coming to the end of a cold. Normal for many children throughout the winter. Can’t imagine many employers being happy if you left work to collect in these circumstances. I’d have waited until the end of the school day. By the time I’d have got to school, it would probably be the end of the school day.

Do you want to pay for a course and help her to get a better job with better working conditions or help her to become self-employed by offering a loan?

You're an angel in disguise 😇

Exactly! Posters on here have called her neglectful because she is a struggling single parent with no support. I have known teachers to go to work with a bad cold. It's just a cold you have to work through it.

Well that’s just awful, so sorry you had deal with such nonsense from staff and parents!