AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

[marshyrun]

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

Why wouldn't you pick her up? She sounds quite unwell.

She’s 4 and you know she’s been poorly. Ffs. Are you serious?

Honestly, I felt for some of the parents. I really understood the frustration sometimes.

One child in particular would get upset after drop off and was one of those children who vomited when they cried hard (one of mine is just the same).

The first term this happened almost every time they were dropped off. So they were sent to me with the teacher insisting they were ill and had to stay home for 48 hours.

The poor parents. Obviously, the child wasn’t ill. They knew they did this when they cried and explained it to the teacher. My own child was prone to the same thing. No one saw sense. attendance was dire because they kept making me send them home for 48 hours as per school rules even though once they had calmed down in my office doing puzzles, they were fine. The parents would be so angry at me when I had to keep informing them attendance was dropping - no shit. It was just horrific and an absolute joke.

(This isn’t outing for them. It was years ago and I’ve not even named gender).

I have a 4 year old. When she’s unwell, I go into overdrive in trying to get her to rest and recover, with lots of nutrients packed in.

1. why are you giving her calpol if she’s ’absolutely fine’? Calpol is for pain and fever, which one does she have? If she has fever, she shouldn’t be in school. If she’s in pain, it’s going to deplete her, she will be clingy. She needs some rest.

2. it’s now November. Her teacher will know her well enough to understand that your daughter is not her usual self. If your daughter is run down, uncomfortable, or Just not well, she will be clingy. She is obviously seeking comfort. This is why they’re asking you to comfort your daughter and allow her to recover.

3. if you are working in a high pressured, unforgiving environment, I understand how stressful it can be. It’s not easy. Your daughter will do much better after some time to recover.

The school would not be benefiting from your child going home…. Because they have a whole class of other children so you are being totally unreasonable to think they are pulling the wool over your eyes.

Poor little girl having a mum lacking any compassion at all. She’s 4 for goodness sake! Sometimes children don’t have to have a temperature or be throwing up every 5 minutes to be poorly!!

I have 1 dc that copes very well with coughs and colds and still attends school. The other dc gets really poorly with coughs and colds and is not well enough to go to school for 1 or sometimes 2 weeks.
If children are well enough to be at school with or without medicine then they should go to school. Most schools are even happy for a parent to come at lunchtime to give them another dose of calpol.
As for spreading germs. That is how children build up their immune system.
The first time school called me to collect either dc and it turned out that actually they wasn't poorly enough to need to be at home and they wanted to do something fun, I told them that if they are poorly enough to stay home, then they are poorly enough to need to be in bed. Which is where they stayed apart from meal times. They both would rather stay at school than try to blag a home day.
The 1 that does genuinely get very ill, does get to have a duvet day watching movies if awake. It's obvious that it's genuine illness and not put on.

What kind of parent doses their child up every morning before school and then refuses to pick them up when the school requests them to? Sure sounds like a neglectful parent to me. You seriously need to rethink your priorities.

[edit: read all the updates, you did the right thing]

That's the great thing about mumsnet! All the different opinions! Have a lovely dayCarpediemmakeitcount ❤️

Wan?

You quite literally said she is now dead

When you say Nasal Drip, do you mean Post Nasal Drip down their throat?

In addition, I would take her to the GP to listen to her chest if she's had a cough she can't shake since September (!) Or even just more than a few weeks requiring calpol. Reception is brutal for kids in terms of tiredness and immune system. Sounds like she needs a sofa day to rest and recover too.

Speaking from a teachers point of view. We don’t want to send children home and don’t do it lightly but when we can tell that they aren’t being how they normally are at school that does make us keep an extra eye. Then if this doesn’t improve we send them to the first aid trained staff in the office who make a judgement as to whether to send them home. You need to get your DD

So, your child has been under the weather for a while, their school phones because they're concerned about her, but rather than immediately going to pick up your poor 4 year old so that they can rest at home in a safe, quiet, loving environment, you hit the internet for an AIBU post? It was very unreasonable... in fact a better question would have been AITA, and the answer would still be yes. Your kid needed you.

The amount of times my dds have come home from school saying they felt ill but school wouldn't phone me!!

I even send in notes (if there seem well enough but slightly off) incase they want to come home.

School never call me and I so wish they would.

Although if you are at work I can understand your frustration and you seem to think it could be her anxiety not a physical illness? So if you collect her she will know what to do to stay home.

I used to tell my mum I was unwell as I didn't know how to explain I was sad / worried / lonely.

If you're DD is usually shy and reserved and is now standing out from a group of 30 4 year olds as more so, she must be quite poorly. When I was teaching KS1 I used to have parents complaining that we hadn't picked up on their children's colds quick enough and we had to explain that there are so many of them that unless they tell us or they're noticeably struggling it's just impossible to notice every single time. My point is, she must be pretty bad for them to have phoned you. Also, she's just a baby, she needs you. Why should school look after your ill child? Poor teacher, hopefully she has a robust immune system!

I have a lovely day everyday because my conscience is clear and I understand families who are struggling and living on the breadline in this cost of living crisis. I tend to think more broadly and critically when I give my opinion.

If school call it's real! You should collect her.

I haven't read the rest but if a child is unwell enough to be medicated (with Calpol) then they should not be at school. A 4 year old is a baby, in most countries she wouldnt even be going to school.

This is a very divisive post. My two DD are still small but one is in nursery two sessions a week. They’re very good at knowing if a child needs picking up and I’ve never questioned this myself. In saying that, little ones catch colds etc all the time. Some people on here seem to think that they shouldn’t be spreading their germs. In that case, schools would then single out children for attendance!
We have to remember too, that some people have no support network. Very few people would understand what it’s like to be in those shoes. My mother passed away when I was pregnant, and when people innocently ask me sometimes ‘does your mother help?’ It’s like a kick in the guts.
In saying all of this, I hope OP’s DD is ok bless her, and I wouldn’t question the school’s intention for her to come home in future. Maybe OP needs to chat to school and ask what their policy is.

Are you at home and not working? If so then you should’ve kept her off whilst she’s poorly! She’s prob exhausted and drained poor thing! If school say she isn’t coping then you go and get her. I work in a preschool and the amount of parents who send their child in when poorly annoys me, not only is it unfair to the child but it spreads the bugs to others!

Mine had calpol before nursery and school if they were a little under the weather - typical for many children. A slight cold and cough isn’t an illness which warrants a normally healthy child staying at home. A four year old is not a baby!

where are all these jobs which you can leave to collect children at the drop of a hat!

I think you got an necessary hard time OP.

Kids have off days like us, and despite her cold it sounds like this was one of them.
You know your child best and this shows by her saying she wants to play in the garden when you got home!

Some of the replies on this thread make out that her arm was hanging off and you left her at school it’s crazy!

Im sorry but we all send our kids to school with colds, it would be unreasonable not to and they’d spend more time at home than at school as colds can linger on for ages and then another one shows up anyway!

Absolutely not! I’d ask for a meeting with head of year/head of prep school to discuss this. Just because a child is ‘clingy’, it does not mean they have to go home. What if you simply cannot go to collect her?