AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

[marshyrun]

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

@GettinChillyHereFFS I’m so sorry to hear this :(

sending love out to you

That's a very thoughtful post ❤️. However GettingChilly updated later to say her sister hadn't actually died but she just could have done.

Faking a siblings death to berate someone for sending a child to school with a cold is one of the more batshit incidents on Mumsnet.

Do teachers realise that not all parents work locally?

Do working parents realise that that's not the teachers problem?

Most teachers have the sense to realise poverty would be a bigger problem for them.

Agree but I’m often working up to an hour and a half from school. DH is a doctor so not practical to leave surgery. Thankfully DT’s school have only called once and no calls from nursery.

I've worked in a primary school office and just outside London so lots of parents were commuting and journeys fairly long. Some parents wanted to be called at the tiniest thing and hugely kicked off if they weren't kept informed, so we always erred on the side of caution and called just in case; especially in reception when we may not have known families so well, we would often call if a child was unwell / not engaging / sleepy or clingy in a low key way as described, as lots of parents wanted to know and wanted to come to pick up. We'd often say something like 'do you want us to see how they are after lunch / play / in an hour' if they said they were in work. Sometimes the child perked up and sometimes they got more unwell. We wouldn't have called 20-30 mins before the end of the day unless they were really unwell.

If you do work a long way from the school or in a role you can't easily get away from you also need to consider what to do if there's a more serious incident - e.g. children falling off monkey bars and breaking an arm, or getting a head injury; if there's anyone at all who you'd trust to be there for your child in those situations you need to make sure the school has their details, these things seem to happen more often than you might think! Even with something like vomiting, small children get quite distressed having a long wait to be taken home.

It’s one of these unwritten rules I’m afraid. If nursery or school or the childminder rings to say the child is ill then someone has to drop everything and go straight there. They’ll judge you big time and it’s also considered a red flag welfare wise not to do it. They don’t do it for fun, the schools like to see high attendance. If they’ve said she doesn’t seem right then she’ll be noticeably out of sorts.

@Parker231

Do teachers realise that not all parents work locally?

Who do you think should look after the ill child then? The teacher, TA, Office Staff, Dinner Lady, Caretaker? They all have their own job's.

The teachers also need to protect the rest of the class from illness and also protect themselves. The teacher carnt teach if they are ill themselves due to parents who send their child in sick. They also carnt care for sick children while they teach the class.

We only had one call from school - DS had fallen in the playground. He had a badly broken leg. DH was contacted and left a roomful of patients to get to the school. I was working in Singapore and got the first flight home. A friend collected DD after school and looked after her until we could make arrangements.
School were sensible and didn’t call for a mild cough/cold.

I feel you OP. We’ve all had coughs in our house for a month. Everyone’s fine but constantly coughing. Doing all the usual stuff, no issues. Tiredness here and there from not getting enough sleep due to coughing. It’s hard because if you always took time off due to it you’d never be at work or school. Glad she’s okay though.

I’d be furious OP.
Of course pick her up if she is vomiting or has had an accident and needs to see a doctor or dentist. But tired???? No way. What happens when she is genuinely ill two weeks later. Another day off work? Boss will soon lose patience with that.

Yes. But if your child is ill it’s your responsibility as a parent to come and get them.

What an awful post to write that isn't true your sister is well and alive. You do realise that coughs and colds linger and don't go away so realistically how long should a child stay at home?

Her child had no temperature it was only a cold. She wanted to play in the garden when she brought her home and then in the playground when she picked up her sister. What does that tell you?????

Take her to the GP. Respiratory inflations causing tiredness. She may need antibiotics. Obviously take her from the school. It is not all about fever.

The GP’s don’t have time for this, you can’t take your child to a doctor and say she’s clingy and tired and expect antibiotics? If she had a respiratory infection that was bacterial then she would have other symptoms like coughing, rattling chest etc

That only applies to notifiable diseases. Coughs, colds and Covid are not listed. Of course teachers can't protect their class from sniffles. And as for protecting themselves that's the role of nutrition and vaccination (🫰 for an RSV vaccine imminently) not preventing children from being in school building their immune system.

It's still the responsibility of the parents to pick them up. The school has the make a judgement call on what is happening at that time. They don't have a crystal ball to see what will happen later in the day.

Surely it is the responsibility of every parent/guardian to have a back up available to collect their child if the nursery/school decide they shouldn't be at school. You may not agree with their decision but they are in loco parentis for your child and are also responsible the rest of the class.

She is mum a woman who they believe is at home watching loose women she should be able to drop everything and pick her up. Another poster said her child broke a leg and had to wait until after school for a friend to pick her up. Normal people are reasonable and if it can't be done then logic and common sense has to apply. Not all women are at home they have to work as well.

@lilyandrosa the parent said she is still coughing. I would personally check with the GP any unusual tiredness and persistent coughing which disrupts my child’s day. Antibiotics I meant if she is prescribed not expecting it. DD is under 5, GP should see her in my opinion.

I think a reason why OP questioned it though is that the school didn't seem to fully decide, they didn't say collect her immediately, they were saying collect her this afternoon if she's still clingy. I don't blame OP for thinking ''hold on, if she isn't well enough for school then why am I not picking her up now? Maybe school are overreacting''.

If it was so black and white that some pp's are making it out to be, they would've wanted her to be collected immediately.

Coughs can last a long time especially in these cold months. Make your self some soup with chicken, potatoes and vegetables mixed with thyme and any other seasoning or root vegetable you want to add. That's what had last Saturday because my son was sniffly and coughing does the trick every time.