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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend hurt me on purpose during sex

516 replies

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:39

I just need some advice because he won't speak to me, he's upset with me and is acting like I've done something wrong.

Boyfriend and I were having sex (after an argument about me feeling like he doesn't care about my pleasure during sex as he never makes an effort to finish me off)

While having sex he asked me to turn over, I have endometriosis and this position is very painful for me. We do that position occasionally (it's not always painful depending on time of the month) this time I said no as I knew it would hurt he asked again I said no again so he grabbed my leg and put it on his shoulder- a position I have never liked and he knows hurts me and at this time in my cycle it is exceptionally painful so I screamed. I started crying from the pain and he's stormed off mad.
I've asked him to speak to me, he doesn't want to, he's upset with me, I have no idea what I did.
I'm in so much pain, it's really uncomfortable and painful.
I've told him I'm in pain, he doesn't seem to give a shit.

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 19/11/2023 21:44

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 21:40

Okay so I got my answer. We just talked.
He just admitted that he did it on purpose because he was pissed off at me. He said he stopped straight away and that I'm making this into a big thing.
In the argument before the sex I said I didn't want to give him head anymore because I don't get it from him and then because I then said no to the doggy he got pissed off with me apparently it's not up to me how the sex goes(?)
So he hurt me on purpose but because he stopped straight away and has now said sorry he thinks I'm making this into a big thing?
It's not like I stabbed you he said.
That's exactly what the pain feels like though.

Holy f**k. He admitted to rape.
Leave now.

DreamTheMoors · 19/11/2023 21:46

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 21:03

Things haven't been good for a while and I have thought about leaving regardless of this incident, it would just be impossible right now I have to wait it out till our contract is up and by then I should have saved enough.
I don't feel unsafe with him, as said it wasn't always like this.
I don't know who he is right now, he really doesn't give a shit that he has caused me this much pain. I think his ego is bruised because of the argument about sex, he never likes it when I bring it up but nothing ever changes

I don’t feel unsafe with him…

@Feelingsad192
These are the kinds of quotes that are used in tragic newspaper articles.
Call womens aid. Get. Out.

Allinadayswork80 · 19/11/2023 21:46

Christ OP it goes from bad to worse! He admitted that he hurt you on purpose?!! I was already disturbed by your OP but even more so after your last. He sounds like a complete nasty bastard. You need to make it perfectly clear the relationship is over and you’re only staying for the time being due to fund and contractual obligations. Separate rooms (take turns on the sofa if you have to) but that admission should be a complete nail in the coffin. What an awful abusive man. So sorry for your pain and suffering x

DaggerIsle · 19/11/2023 21:47

So he's upgraded from shit sex to deliberately cruel and painful sex. And now he's angry at you.
Wow.
This is horrific.

CrotchetyQuaver · 19/11/2023 21:48

OMG I just read the update. He admits he hurt you deliberately and claims you're now over reacting. I don't see how there's any coming back from that.

I would be looking to leave immediately, I can't see how it's safe for you to stay there.

crumpet · 19/11/2023 21:48

His answer doesn’t make it any better, you know.

in fact it makes it worse. This is not a nice person. He doesn’t give a shit. You are worth more than this. You are worth better.

Don’t waste your time trying to fix him. You won’t succeed. This is who he is

MamaGhina · 19/11/2023 21:48

I would be calling the police and reporting this piece of shit.

crumpet · 19/11/2023 21:49

There is a wood for non-consensual sex. You know what it is. He used his power and strength to make you have non-consensual sex. Rape.

rainbowruthie · 19/11/2023 21:50

You poor, poor thing.
He is a cruel, nasty bastard.
Please find a way to get away from him.

HenriettaVienetta · 19/11/2023 21:50

He has admitted to deliberately hurting you. He CHOSE to do that. I know you can't necessarily leave tonight, but you cannot stay until your lease is up. He has done it once, he has shown you what he is capable of, and he will use the fear of a repeat to keep you in your place.

Please contact your landlord. It will take a lot of bravery, I know, but a tenancy can be ended early with the landlord's agreement. Any decent landlord told the circumstances (an abusive rapist) would end the agreement willingly.

SamanthaVimes · 19/11/2023 21:50

He sounds really dangerous. He admitted he hurt you ON PURPOSE because he was pissed off with you?!

What will he do next time he’s pissed off?

This is the sort of thing that escalates.

Please do everything you can to get away. Women’s aid could help you come up with a plan as I know it’s rarely as straightforward as just packing your bags.

alsnemalwp · 19/11/2023 21:51

If this is true it's so fucked up

bonzaitree · 19/11/2023 21:51

Some people have no place in society.

Lieblingsessen · 19/11/2023 21:52

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 21:40

Okay so I got my answer. We just talked.
He just admitted that he did it on purpose because he was pissed off at me. He said he stopped straight away and that I'm making this into a big thing.
In the argument before the sex I said I didn't want to give him head anymore because I don't get it from him and then because I then said no to the doggy he got pissed off with me apparently it's not up to me how the sex goes(?)
So he hurt me on purpose but because he stopped straight away and has now said sorry he thinks I'm making this into a big thing?
It's not like I stabbed you he said.
That's exactly what the pain feels like though.

I'm outraged for you. You are not a sex toy to be placed in positions of your so called DP's choosing.

So now you talked and he has admitted to deliberately inflicting pain on you.

I hope you are not going to talk to him again, except to say 'We are done, its finished and when I can, I'm leaving you. Until then, don't treat me a your girlfriend, because I'm not'. Then no more conversations unless it relates to your housing situation.

Soubriquet · 19/11/2023 21:52

So he essentially raped you. You said no and he carried on, that’s rape.

leave him

Mindyaownbeeswax · 19/11/2023 21:52

He. Hurt. You. On. Purpose.

Vile sc*mbag. When he goes to work tomorrow, you pull a sick day and get your shit together so you can leave. Call women's aid for advice. Call the landlord and discuss reasons you're getting out of the contract. Report him to the police.

He doesn't want to pleasure you and now he wants to hurt you? Where do you see this going?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/11/2023 21:52

Please talk to your Landlord about being released from the contract early without penalty, even explain that your partner has sexually assaulted you and you need released ASAP. Then get a room as a lodger or houseshare, you won't need loads of money upfront for that. You could consider reporting him to the police for this. Behaviour like this does tend to escalate.

Cascais · 19/11/2023 21:54

Leave

RandomButtons · 19/11/2023 21:54

Leave the bastard.

Any halfway decent man would be mortified he’d hurt you and want to comfort you, even if he was frustrated that sex had ended.

Tilllly · 19/11/2023 21:55

Horrific

I know you said you feel safe, but I honestly cannot see how you could possibly be safe now

Snippit · 19/11/2023 21:55

Oh my god what a sadistic bastard, endometriosis fucking hurts. Stick a dildo up his arse, see how he likes a bit of pain.

if he truly cared for your feelings he wouldn’t do this, walk away sweetie.

CathyAnne91 · 19/11/2023 21:55

Been there, unfortunately, here if you need to talk.

I echo every other wonderful lady on here - leave him, it’ll happen again, and worse, it will not be a one off, please leave and look after yourself.

You said no - you were crying - he got in a strop over it, none of that is ok - factoring in Endo pain or not is irrelevant.

xx

porridgeisbae · 19/11/2023 21:57

That's rape OP, you didn't consent to what he did, that position and him making it even worse. You even said no but he carried on.

I had a friend who had one like this (insisted on shagging a.k.a raped her when she had a dislocated hip) and he just got worse and worse and worse; a violent rapist who's led to her having PTSD and a fear of men so severe she can't leave the house. He took a lot of her savings, too.

Please find a way to safely block him. If you live with him, contact Women's Aid.

Feelinglow27 · 19/11/2023 21:57

He's a bastard. Nothing more to be said.

TiredyMcTired · 19/11/2023 21:58

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 21:40

Okay so I got my answer. We just talked.
He just admitted that he did it on purpose because he was pissed off at me. He said he stopped straight away and that I'm making this into a big thing.
In the argument before the sex I said I didn't want to give him head anymore because I don't get it from him and then because I then said no to the doggy he got pissed off with me apparently it's not up to me how the sex goes(?)
So he hurt me on purpose but because he stopped straight away and has now said sorry he thinks I'm making this into a big thing?
It's not like I stabbed you he said.
That's exactly what the pain feels like though.

So, he’s admitted that he deliberately sexually assaulted you.

He is sulking because you - quite rightly - got upset about it.

And he doesn’t care about the pain he knows you are in.

He is trying to gaslight you.

You need to be very VERY clear with him about what he has done and that he needs to leave. Do you have a spare bedroom or a sofa he can sleep on? Don’t sleep with this man ever again, you cannot trust him.